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Wednesday, January 08, 2020

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It is considered by some of people that music is an amazing way to collect a lot of people from the other countries of the globe, the various cultures and ages.

Can I paraphrase like this?

merve

I am a native English speaker, now well-retired after teaching IELTS/ESOL in various countries for some twenty years, having in the process acquired two or three languages to a competent level, although to be fair I would struggle to paraphrase successfully in any them.

Thinking about how I would translate the task/question into one of these languages, I find I automatically reach for some familiar (and idiomatic) structure. For instance, I might begin "Through music it is possible to build better relationships among/between people ....". So to me the important part of your approach should be to use phrases and structures that you already know.

As it stands, the following phrases sound inappropriate in this context:

"some of people"
"an amazing way"
"collect..people" (Did you mean 'connect'?)
"the (?) other countries" (We haven't mentioned any so far, so other than what?).
" the various..."

Remember the minimum requirement is not to copy phrases of more than three or four words from the question, so much can be achieved by simply using different prepositions, such as "in terms of", or changing from verb to noun, or active to passive.

Cheers

Generally, people listen to music across the world. Despite different cultures and ages, they are united and brought up together by it. I completely accede with this assertion.

Music is considered as one of the best ways of connecting people of various cultures as well as ages of the world. I strongly agree with this assertion.


Can we paraphrase this question in this way?

Generally, people listen to music across the world. Despite different cultures and ages, they are united and brought up together by it. I completely accede with this assertion.
People listen different genres of music irrespective of their cultural backgrounds. For example, the majority of Asian people often listen to English songs despite English not being their culture. It is because music reflects the real images of every culture and the society but the only difference is in the way of expression. Additionally, people of every culture have sentiments, or feelings. Their sorrows or happiness are expressed through music. When they listen to music, they get rid of their pains or sufferings. Thus, music is considered as a soothing balm of human sufferings or excitements. As a result of this, music has power to bring people of different cultures together.
Similarly, people of different generations are united by music. For instance, if a grandfather listens to music, his grandchildren can also listen to the music. The reason is that music is loved by all for various reasons. In my family, all members are the diehard fan of Nepali Folk songs although we have different ages. Simply, we can observe a child being uplifted with the power of music or any person aged sixty or more. To exemplify, hundreds of music fans or followers of different age groups having over-enjoyed in a live music or consort. How can the musicians or bands be popular again and again if music has no power to connect people of varied ages together?
In conclusion, music definitely has an invincible power to bring people of different ages and cultures together.

Generally, people listen to music across the world. Despite different cultures and ages, they are united and brought up together by it. I completely accede with this assertion.
People listen different genres of music irrespective of their cultural backgrounds. For example, the majority of Asian people often listen to English songs despite English not being their culture. It is because music reflects the real images of every culture and the society but the only difference is in the way of expression. Additionally, people of every culture have sentiments, or feelings. Their sorrows or happiness are expressed through music. When they listen to music, they get rid of their pains or sufferings. Thus, music is considered as a soothing balm of human sufferings. As a result of this, music has power to bring people of different cultures together.
Similarly, people of different generations are united by music. For instance, if a grandfather listens to music, his grandchildren can fall in love with the same music. The reason is that music is loved by all for various reasons. In my family, all members are the diehard fan of Nepali Folk songs although we have different ages. Simply, we can observe a child dancing with excitement when listening to music, or elderly can be seen enjoying music not any less. To exemplify, hundreds of music fans or followers of different age groups are found to be enjoying a live music or concert. How can the musicians or bands be popular among all age groups if music has no power to connect people together?
In conclusion, music definitely has amazing power to bring people of different ages and cultures together. (274 words)
Here is my refined essay. Please, make necessary feedback….

John,

Firstly, thank you so much for your response.

With using this phrase "collect people" I tried to say that bring people together.

(Music is a good way to collect a lot of people from around the world who have various cultures and ages.)

But of course I'll consider what you mentioned above.
Thanks again for your advices.

John,

Thanks for helping out. It’s really beneficial to have comments from other teachers!

.....

Merve,

I see what you’re trying to do, but John is right: “collect” doesn’t work in that context I’m afraid.

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