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Thursday, December 05, 2019

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I would compare the chart and the table, since the information given in them is closely connected. The bar chart shows the changes in export earnings, and the table presents exactly the percentages of such changes.

I think we should compare the bar chart and the table together.
Please check my writing if you have time;)

The bar chart compares the profit of export in five different categories in the years 2015 and 2016 in one country. Also, the table indicates the proportion of changes in each category between 2015 and 2016.

It is clear that the most dominant export earning in both years was petroleum products. While the percentages of most export products in profits increased from 2015 to 2016, the value of gems and jewellery products decreased.

The top export earning in both years was petroleum products with approximately $60 billion in 2015, and this figure increased by 5% and reached about $62 billion in 2016. The second highest export profit was engineered goods with just over $55 billion in 2015. There was a second significant rise in this category by 8%.

The export profit of textiles in 2015 was the lowest at around $25 billions, however, the percentage of changes in this products rose dramatically by 15.25% in 2016. Whereas, the proportion of gems and jewellery products in values dropped by 5.18%, from $44 billion in 2015 to $41 billion in 2016. The agricultural products earnings increased by a mere 0.8% around $31 billion.

The table does not give any new information, so i think it is simply given to help us so that we won't have to calculate mathematically the exact percentage changes.
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The bar chart compares five different categories of products of a country in terms of their export values in two separate years.

Overall, the country increased its export earnings between 2015 and 2016. We can also see that petroleum and engineered goods were the most important goods in the country in terms of their export values in both years.

In 2015, the country made just over 60 billion dollars in the export of petroleum products, whereas the figure for export earnings from engineered goods was slightly lower, at approximately 57 billion dollars. By 2016, export revenues from petroleum products and engineered goods went up by 3% and 8.5% respectively.

A percentage change in the export value of textiles, from 2015 to 2016, was greatest, at 15.24%. Agricultural products, on the other hand, saw the smallest change in export value, at 0.81%. However, these two types of products had the lowest export values in both years, at around 30 billion dollars. Gems and jewellery was the only category of products that saw a downward change in export value, or specifically, it's value fell by 5.18%.

(does the work above look good in terms of grammar; i'm tryin to improve my grammar)

Tae,

which one is better, 'The bar chart compares the profit of export in five different categories in the years 2015 and 2016 in one country' OR 'The bar chart compares amounts of profit made in one country by exporting different categories of products in the years 2015 and 2016'

what about this one, 'It is clear that the most dominant export earning in both years was petroleum products' OR 'It is clear that the country's principal/main export was petroleum products'

so i think this is one way in which you could improve your report.

This is just my opinion.

Tae

"Earnings" is always plural and has three meanings: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/earnings

As used here, it corresponds to "value of one country's exports" in the rubric above the chart. So I take it to mean the gross value before any costs or other deductions. These figures would probably be taken from customs declarations and represent the FOB values.

"Profit" also has three meanings: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/profit

In this context, the most common meaning applies: "cash flow minus expenditures." So "profit" as a paraphrase here is incorrect and misleading. Furthermore, "profit of export" as a phrase simply does not exist. "Profit from exports" exists, but again has the wrong meaning, as it implies net of costs and/or tax. https://www.google.com/search?lr=lang_en&tbs=lr%3Alang_1en&tbm=bks&ei=-ijqXdDIE8Wf9QORgKDYBA&q=%22profit+from+exports%22&oq=%22profit+from+exports%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3...17328.19422.0.19909.8.7.1.0.0.0.172.961.0j6.6.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..1.1.167...33i10k1.0.BLDqJSvEX9M

Note that "export" as a noun is both countable and uncountable depending on context. In this report, you'll mostly need it in the plural: textile exports fell by ... and so on. Of course if you use it like an adjective before "earnings", you'll need the singular "export earnings".

I think they should be reported together.

The bar chart compares export revenues in five different categories for one country in the years 2015 and 2016. The table indicates the amount of proportion change in 2016.

It is clear that petroleum exportation accounted for the highest export figures among all categories in 2015. In 2016, exportation of engineering goods reached to the same level as petroleum exports' profit.

In 2016, the amount of money earned from exportation of petroleum products saw an increase of 3% and reached to more than 60 billion dollars. In the same year, by having experienced 8.5% increase in exportation compared with 2015, profit from engineering goods' exports was as high as those of petroleum products, at 60 billion dollars.

Gems and jewelry were the only sector that saw a decrease in the profit from exportation, decreasing from nearly 43 billion dollars in 2015 to about 40 billion in 2016, while export revenues of textile experienced a considerable increase in percentage change, 15.4%, rose from close to 25 billion to dollars in 2015 to just above 30 billion in 2016. Export earnings from agriculture products remained relatively the same during the period shown, namely above 30 billion dollars.


Do you think this writing is good enough for getting a 6.5 score?

Tae

-> It is clear that the most dominant export earner in both years was petroleum products. While most export categories show an upward trend, the trend for gems and jewelry was downward.

The top export earner in both years was petroleum products,[Note the comma here] with approximately $60 billion in 2015 ....

The export profit of textiles in 2015 was the lowest at around $25 billions,[Run-on sentence: change the comma to a colon or start a new sentence here] however, the percentage of changes in this products rose dramatically [Avoid journalistic and emotive words in Task 1 -> substantially] by 15.25% in 2016. Whereas, ["Whereas" is a conjunction, not an adverb, so is not followed by a comma.] the proportion of gems and jewelry products in values ["by value"] dropped by 5.18%, from $44 billion in 2015 to $41 billion in 2016. The agricultural products earnings [-> Export earnings from agricultural products] increased by a mere 0.8% [to] around $31 billion.

Shokhrukh

By 2016, export revenues from petroleum products and engineered goods went up [-> had gone up] by 3% and 8.5% respectively.

A [-> The] percentage change in the export value of textiles, ...

"it's": this means "it is". Possessive "its" is written without the apostrophe.

Khe,

thanks a lot

i actually took some time to think about which one, 'a' or 'the', to put in front of "percentage change", couldn't decide.

So thanks again

Aidin,

here's a great lesson, https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/10/ielts-writing-task-1-did-you-notice-the-80.html

make sure that you scroll down the comments and read through the ones posted by sjm. (i think there are three of them)

In my opinion, your overview is neither 'clear' nor presents 'the main trends'. For example, you should've written something like 'The country's export earnings were overall greater in 2016 than they were in 2015'.

Also, your last sentence is nice, but i think it would be better if you mentioned the specific percentage change (0.81%), which is a key feature since it is the smallest figure in the table.

I want to add the information in the table to the description of the bar, as a more detailed information of how much the percentage increase or decrease.

Hi Shokhrukh, Kata and Khe.

Thank you very much for correcting my writing.
I learnt so much from your advice.

The other day, I received a writing score of 6.5, and my results have gradually improved over time.

I really appreciate your contributions.

Aidin

[]

The bar chart compares export revenues in five different categories for one country in the years 2015 and 2016. The table indicates the amount of proportion change in 2016.[The table details the percentage changes for 2016 over 2015.]

It is clear that petroleum exportation [Perhaps not a good idea to paraphrase the headings or categories in Task 1, as the meaning may be slightly different and/or it may not be clear what is being referred to if the terminology is different.] accounted for the highest export figures [When used in this meaning 'account for' is usually followed by an exact amount eg: German speakers accounted for 37% of the population. See Wiktionary for full explanation. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/account_for] among all categories in 2015. In 2016, exportation of engineering goods reached to[No preposition in this meaning (7) https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/reach] the same level as petroleum exports' profit.[See Kata's remarks above.]

In 2016, the amount of money earned from exportation of petroleum products saw [Generally avoid anthropomorphic verbs in task 1.] an increase of 3% and reached to[see above] more than 60 billion dollars. In the same year, by having experienced [anthropomorphic] 8.5% increase in exportation compared with 2015, profit from engineering goods' exports was as high as those of petroleum products, at 60 billion dollars.

[I like to use the word 'trend' in the overview, both to make it clear to examiner that this is the overview, and also to make sure that I am pinpointing the trends, not just picking out a couple of salient features. See Khe's comments to Tae above.]

I think we should compare the bar chart and the table together.
Please check my writing if you have time :)


The bar chart compares export earnings in five different categories in one country from 2015 to 2016, and the table gives information on the proportion change in each exported product over one year.

It is clear that the country made the most profit in exporting petroleum products in both years. Also, only the earning from exported gems and jewelry saw a decrease by one year.

In 2015, the profit from exported Petroleum products stood at about 60 billions, which was followed by a 3% upward trend to nearly 63 billions in 2016. Similarly, export earning in engineered goods experienced a rise roughly from 55 billions to 62 billions over a one-year period. The biggest growth was seen in the exporting values of textiles with a 15.24% change.

There was only one drop tendency of export earning in gems and jewelry, the figure was approximately 43 billions in 2015, reducing about 3 billions with a 5.18% change by one year. In terms of agricultural goods, the exporting earning stayed quite constant in two separate years at around 31 billions.

I am not good at writing, and this is the first time for me to post my essay. Please check my writing if you guys have time.

The bar chart describes the amount of export in terms of money in one country by five different categories, and the table shows the trends of each product category from the year of 2015 to 2016.

It is obvious that the export revenue of every product category had increased, except gems and jewelry, during 2015 and 2016 in the country. In addition, petroleum products and engineered goods were two noticeable categories which are leading the country’s export, while the most changed category was textiles between two separate years.

Looking at the line chart in more detail, petroleum products were the most dominant exporting goods, which had been exported more than 60 billion dollars, in both year, 2105 and 2016, and engineered goods, gems / jewelry categories were followed the next. In 2016, textile ranked at 4th exported category with the amount of around 32 billion dollars, which is slightly more than that of agricultural products.

Turning to the remaining table, we can see that gems and jewelry sector was the only one decreasing during one year period, at 5.18%, among all categories. Furthermore, it is clear that textiles sector showed the most considerable change at 15.24% during same period, and the rest sectors, goods for engineered, petroleum and agriculture, are followed at 8.5%, 3% and 0.81%, respectively.

hey everyone
when we post a task who will correct it ?

The given graph and table illustrate the changes in export earnings for a country across several industries from 2015 to 2016 measured in billions of dollars.

Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that all earnings experienced rises except for gems and jewellery, which experienced a moderate drop. The majority of earnings came from petroleum and engineered goods, while textiles and engineered goods made the largest percentile jumps.

The two main exports were petroleum products, which went from just over $61 billion in 2015 to around $63 billion by 2016, and engineered goods ($58 billion to $62 billion). That translates to a 3% rise for petroleum and a more sizeable increase of 8.5% for engineered products.

Compared to these two exports, the other products were much lower. Gems and jewellery, the only export to decrease, went down 5.18% from $43 billion to $41 billion. Despite this drop, agricultural goods were lower throughout the period at around $31 and just over $31 billion in 2015 and 2016, respectively. Textiles were the lowest in 2015 at around $26 billion but had pulled approximately level with agriculture by 2016. (188 words)

The bar chart illustrate the export earnings of five different sectors in a country from 2015 to 2016. The table demonstrated the proportion of the changes in the value of the two years.It is clear that the monetary value of most of the groups increased, while that of textile products was the one with the most significant climb among the five categories.

Export incomes of oil products, which climbed from just over 60 billion to 63 billion dollars, were the highest revenue in both years. However, compared to an 3% increase in the petroleum goods, engineered commodities experienced a higher rise at 8.5% from 2015 to 2016 and earned almost the same amount of money as oil products in 2016.

On the other hand, the revenue earned by the textile sector was only 26 billion in 2015, but the value then grew dramatically by 15.24% to approximately 31 billion dollars a year later. By contrast, agricultural products witnessed almost no increase at only 0.8%, with the value being about 30-31 billion dollars in both years. Gems and Jewellery was the only group declining in its export incomes from 46 to 41 billion, representing an 5.18% decrease.

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