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Wednesday, November 20, 2019


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I think the version 2 is better because 2 highlighted sentences are explained to more details for the thesis statement.

Two main ideas of the thesis statement :
1/ food production explained by the 2nd and 3rd sentences.
2/ the cloning of humans explained by the 4th and 5th sentences.

When I think in that way I imagine to make a good body paragraph is not too difficult in terms of structure =)

Hats off!
I just love the way you write your points.

Hi Simon.

2nd Version now looks perfect 9. However, if we look cover the complete essay, this paragraph is 130 words. Will it undermine the length appropriateness of each paragraph? Shouldn't ideal length be 100 words. Is there a possible way to concise it?

Hi Simon.
I think the second version is more well-supported because of the example provided. It makes the idea of damaging to the ecosystems clearer.
The last highlighted sentence in the second version is more convincing than the equivalent one in the first version, because it helps to expand the idea in a more consistent way.

I also like the second one better. it is more organized and more detailed actually. but both are great. thanks for this great post.

"which would certainly be a threat to humanity as we know it". Wouldn't the examiner ask how it could be a threat and reduce your score for not explaining enough?

Hi Erfan,

In any IELTS essay, there will always be something that could be explained in more detail. If an examiner wants to be nasty, he/she will find something that could be extended.

However, I would argue that my paragraphs are easily good enough for a band 9, if not band 10 :)

The 'band 10' thing was a joke, before anyone asks!

I think even deceased people back to life is extended of body parts replacement.

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