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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

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very effective advice.

Yes sir, very much appreciative sir, for valuable points on IELTS exams. Much thankful-!

Hi,Simon
Here is a question in January 20,2018,ielts test.
I find it so difficult to write this essay.
Could you please give me some hits about it?Thanks!

Advertising can be seen everywhere in daily life.This both affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

And here is my essay.Please give me some feedback.Thank you!

It is very common to see advertisements in every corner of our lives. Not only it adversely influence people’s value orientation, but also on people’s daily life. I completely agree with this idea.

First of all, people could be influenced by different advertisements they saw on the street, on the TV or internet, even in their mobile phone. Young people tend to buy some health care products as a present to their elders who probably would be satisfied, as they both had seen the adverts and may think these products can keep them healthy. However, taking some bottles of dietary supplement does not going to help them staying in a good health condition, regular exercise, healthy food and enough sleep do. Therefore, advertising is actually misleading people what really is important in their lives without notice.

In addiction, pervasive advertising affects people’s lives negatively. In order to sell a brand image, advertisers usually use glamorous , successful people to sell their goods ,and this probably persuade the followers of the celebrities buying the things that they may not need or cannot afford. Women in particularly, they are so eager to buy the brand purses or watches or jewelries because of the advertisements, in spite of the high prices which are beyond their economic capability. As a result, they are manipulated to keep buying stuff unconsciously which may lead to an economic crisis.

In conclusion, what people concern and how people live in daily life are so affected by all kinds of advertisements harmfully.

Suki

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Not+only+does+it+*&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2CNot%20only%20does%20it%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20provide%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20have%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20make%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20not%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20give%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20help%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20contain%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20seem%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20take%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BNot%20only%20does%20it%20appear%3B%2Cc0

https://www.perfect-english-grammar.com/inversion.html

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=on+people%27s+daily+life%2C+on+people%27s+daily+lives&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Con%20people%20%27s%20daily%20life%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Con%20people%20%27s%20daily%20lives%3B%2Cc0

-> Not only does it adversely influence people’s value orientation, but it also has an adverse impact (a pernicious influence) on people’s daily lives.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/pernicious

-> people may be influenced (swayed ?)

"...to their elders [must have comma here before non-defining relative clause] who probably would..."

-> is not going to help them stay in good health: regular exercise ... [Note colon to separate run-on sentence.]

-> advertising is actually misleading people about what ....

"without notice"? This usually means 'without advance warning'.

"In addiction": are we talking about drugs?

->"this probably persuades ....

NB: persuade someone to do something. Infinitive, not a gerund.
-> persuade the followers of the celebrities to buy

"in particular" [no -ly]

" in spite of the high prices [comma before non-defining relative clause] which are ..."

"unconsciously [comma before non-defining relative clause] which may ...."

"lead to an economic crisis" : this would refer to the country as a whole, mass unemployment, falling GDP etc.

->All kinds of advertisements have an extensive and harmful effect on what concerns people and how they lead their daily lives.
[Hard to make the passive version read well.]

Zara,
Thank you so much for your help!
I wonder if this essay has responded to the task or not .And my teacher told me that my essay was totally in the wrong direction. I may just get band 5 to the top.
Would you please give me some ideas about this question?How to write this kind of essay?
If you have time,please reply!Thanks!

Suki

Simon has a model essay on a similar topic:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/10/ielts-writing-task-2-power-of-advertising-essay.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/09/ielts-writing-task-2-advertising-topic.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/08/ielts-writing-task-2-advertising.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/01/ielts-writing-task-2-consumer-society.html

I can see that you have attempted to answer both parts of the question, that is: (1) what is important, and (2) negative impact.

To me, the grammar/vocabulary issues are the first thing that needs to be worked on to improve your score.

Zara,
Thanks you again!

I’m started to learn NOW
Thanks simon

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