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Saturday, April 20, 2019

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Yes sir it is good. When we small, our grand parents told stories many times to give messages. Then we improved.

Hey Simon,

This is excellent advice although according to me, it is a bit difficult when you are in a small room with an examiner.

Once I got 8.5 in speaking, but I have to take IELTS another time due to less in writing. In the other attempt, I was nervous due to some unknown reasons and got only 6.5 that I have got the first time in all four attempts.

What are your thoughts?

Hey friends,

As Simon mentioned in one of his lessons that do not write so many essays but try to write the essay more than once to improve writing.

I have written this essay three times, and this is a final result. I would like if anyone could provide feedback on this essay.
---------------------------------------------------
People eat more processed food than they did in the past.
- Why is this?
- what are the effects of this?
--------------------------------
These days people live a busy life than in the past, so people choose easy-to-cook food options rather than traditional cooking. I believe that these options have positive and negative effects.


To begin with, in this modern era where everyone wants to work hard for different reasons. It is easy to find a family where husband and wife both are working full time either for a career progression or to earn more money. After working for a full day, they have a little time to spend with their family and friends. Moreover, there are many food companies which introduced varieties of pre-prepared food options to attract those people who have a busy working life. In this case, they choose easy-to-cook foods options which are convenient and save their time too. In the past, the majority of females were preferred to stay home to take care of the family, so they have plenty of time to spend on traditional cooking.


On the one hand, most of the people have a misconception about processed foods that these food options lead to obesity and other health issues. Not all processed foods are highly processed. There are many options which are pre-prepared and can contribute to a balanced diet. Bagged spinach, cut vegetables, and whole wheat bread, for example, are minimally processed and healthy options that save a lot of time of those who have a little time. On the other hand, some options such as hamburger, boxed macaroni with cheese, and a few meat products like sausages are highly processed and have a high amount of salt, chemicals, and saturated fat which lead to serious health problems.


In conclusion, due to a busy working life, many people welcome processed foods in their diet as an easy option, but they have to select more healthy options over highly processed.

(305 words) – I understand this essay is a bit long.

JC, you could elaborate your description regarding the effects of this trend with an example ( dependency on processed foods) despite adding more about advantages and usefulness in the third paragraph.

JC

1) " a busy life than ...." ?busier?

2) "these options ": although this seems okay, in reading through quickly, the reference was unclear to me. What options? "these options have positive and negative effects": this phrase comes across as a memorized formulaic phrase. It would be better to write something specific to the question.

3) First sentence, second paragraph: no main verb!

4) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=for+a+career+progression%2C+to+move+up+the+ladder%2C+for+a+promotion%2C+to+achieve+a+promotion&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cto%20move%20up%20the%20ladder%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfor%20a%20promotion%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cto%20achieve%20a%20promotion%3B%2Cc0

5) "which introduced": in British English this would be present perfect. Not sure about American.

6) "In this case, they ": does 'they' refer to the food companies or the hard-working people?

7) "females were preferred": should not be passive. Passive is not used just to make things more polite or academic.

8) "In the past, ....., so they have HAD plenty of time": needs past tense.

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/plenty

9) "most of the people": which people? -> Most people....

10) "a misconception about processed foods believing that these food options"

11) There is a great deal of processing involved in making whole wheat bread.

12) "they have to select..": no they do not, they are free to choose what they like. -> they should select...

So your thesis is that people choose more processed food than previously because they are busier. You have failed to convince me that people in the past were just lazing around doing not much: I thought they worked hard long hours in the fields.

You have baldly stated that certain types of processed food lead to health issues, but you have not explained why or what other factors might be part of the picture.

Your conclusion does not quite answer the second question. What is the result? Not what should people do.

The question itself is not quite the usual IELTS style.

lolita

Thank you so much for your feedback....
After your comments on my previous attempt, I have rewrite this essay.
--------------------------
People eat more processed food than they did in the past.
- Why is this?
- what are the effects of this?
-----------------------------

People eat more processed food now than in the past because of their availability, convenience, and cost. Although these fast foods are highly popular, however, they lead to obesity and other health problems.


For a variety of reasons, people choose to eat fast food more than a healthful diet. Firstly, these processed foods are easily available in almost every convenience store and supermarket so, many times people unconsciously buy these foods because these foods can be occasional snacks and treats. McDonalds and KFC can be found outside schools, offices and around public places. Secondly, fast foods are quick to prepare to take in a few minutes after order. These foods attract those who work long hours and have a little time to cook food. Finally, these are cheap boxed foods that are affordable for everyone.


Processed foods have high sodium and sugar which make these foods more appealing to taste buds. These foods have very less or an almost negligible amount of other nutrition. Companies who produce these meals use chemicals to maintain them fresh for a long period. These chemicals will damage our immune system, and those people who consume processed food more frequently have to suffer from diseases such as diabetic, heart issues and even cancer. Processed foods also have a high amount of salt and saturated fat which play an essential role in weight gain. Eating more fast food leads to obesity and related disease.


In conclusion, it is true that processed foods are an easy option, but these foods cause serious health issues.

Thanks Lolita

For your feedback

JC

1) "more processed food .... because of their ...": do you see 'food' is singular but 'their' is plural?

2) "to eat fast food more than a healthful diet." We do not 'eat' a diet.
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*+on+a+diet%2C+*+to+a+diet&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bgo%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfed%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgoing%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplaced%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bput%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blive%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwent%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%27m%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwas%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbeen%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bstick%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badded%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breduced%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdue%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badhere%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Baccustomed%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badapted%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bkeep%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Brestricted%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badherence%20to%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0

'Healthy diet' is more common than 'healthful diet'.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADJ+diet%2Chealthy+diet%2Chealthful+*_NOUN%2C+healthful+diet&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bbalanced_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfat_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfree_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvegetarian_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnormal_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badequate_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdaily_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bspecial_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdeficient_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BAmerican_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthy%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Chealthful%20%2A_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bhealthful%20living_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20environment_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20diet_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20foods_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20food_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20school_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20exercise_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20climate_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20life_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20eating_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthful%20diet%3B%2Cc0#t2%3B%2C*_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bbalanced_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfat_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfree_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvegetarian_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnormal_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badequate_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdaily_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bspecial_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdeficient_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BAmerican_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthy%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Chealthful%20*_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bhealthful%20living_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20environment_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20diet_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20foods_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20food_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20school_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20exercise_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20climate_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20life_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20eating_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthful%20diet%3B%2Cc0

3) It is not normal to follow 'so' with a comma.

4) 'to take in ': fast foods are usually 'taken out', or 'taken away'.

5) " very less": very little

6) -> keep them fresh

7) more frequently have to suffer -> suffer from diabetes ... more frequently.

8) "which play an essential role in weight gain ": this makes weight gain sound like a good thing. -> which play a pernicious role in weight gain

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADJ+role%2C+pernicious+role&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bimportant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmajor_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsignificant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bactive_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcentral_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bkey_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bleading_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcrucial_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvital_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnew_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpernicious%20role%3B%2Cc0#t2%3B%2C*_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bimportant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmajor_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsignificant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bactive_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcentral_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bkey_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bleading_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcrucial_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvital_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnew_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpernicious%20role%3B%2Cc0

JC

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADJ+role%2C+pernicious+role&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bimportant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmajor_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsignificant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bactive_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcentral_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bkey_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bleading_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcrucial_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvital_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnew_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpernicious%20role%3B%2Cc0#t2%3B%2C*_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bimportant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmajor_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsignificant_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bactive_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcentral_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bkey_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bleading_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcrucial_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvital_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnew_ADJ%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpernicious%20role%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=maintain+them+fresh%2Ckeep+them+fresh&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ckeep%20them%20fresh%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADJ+diet%2Chealthy+diet%2Chealthful+*_NOUN%2C+healthful+diet&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bbalanced_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfat_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfree_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bvegetarian_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bnormal_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Badequate_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdaily_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bspecial_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdeficient_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BAmerican_ADJ%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthy%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Chealthful%20%2A_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bhealthful%20living_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20environment_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20diet_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20foods_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20food_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20school_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20exercise_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20climate_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20life_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhealthful%20eating_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Chealthful%20diet%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*+on+a+diet&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bgo%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfed%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgoing%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplaced%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bput%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blive%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwent%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%27m%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwas%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbeen%20on%20a%20diet%3B%2Cc0

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