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Friday, December 21, 2018

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I think the first and the second sentences are off-topic, and it doesn't need giving them. The talk would start with "I am going to talk about..."

From my perspective the problem sentence is "we have our own apartment which is really awesome which is contrast to say by the way I............talk about new apartment.Another problem I see , it is better to go directly to answer the question but not background history like growing trend not in my country but also all over the world.I suggest first name of the apartment or house which belongs to someone and then mention place and so on...

It's starting off the way (too) many candidates begin a Task 2 writing assignment, by saying why the topic is important.

"Nowadays, living in an apartment is becoming more and more a controversial topic..."

I feel really proud cuz Simon has selected my sample and put it in the expert's poll. I hope I would learn something better from those pundits who are giving their valuable efforts to elevate my English skills. Needless to mention, I am working on Ielts here almost alone and practice on this site, I talk to myself, reading, writing and listening on my laptop. Without having any active company here I am trying my best to enhance my English knowledge and I have no ideas how far I would be capable of promoting my situation.

@Joko, You are one hundred percent right. My writing was started with the introduction of task 2. It feels really weird.

Thanks, everybody.

First two sentences are irrelevant and against the question asked. Both sentences showing that student would talk about his own house. This may divert the mind of examiner.

Apart from the content, the phrase "overgrowing trend" is questionable. It seems to be occasionally used by non-native speakers. "A growing trend", yes. Overgrowing trees, overgrowing grass, overgrowing moss, overgrowing weeds, overgrowing vegetation, overgrowing population, overgrowing power, [weeds or plants] overgrowing everything : yes, those phrases would be normal.

Maybe get off from topic with words "...We have our own apartment which is really awesome..."

by the way is not suitable

There are some clear problems in his answer. First, the main requirement is about the house/apartment that the ielts candidates VISITED. It is not suitable to his introductory part which is mentioned about his apartment. Second, the first two sentences of the answer are used to introduce his living place, while the third seems to open about the different place. This would make examiners confused.

This paragraph has a problem that the speaker is not coherent. There is little relation between the feeling of living in or having an apartment and a recent experience in visiting an apartment or a house.

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