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Wednesday, November 21, 2018

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Hi Simon,

I realized that both essay skeletons (today and your essay skeleton with the hyperlink in the first line) are for a balanced answer. Does essay skeletons just use for this type of question(which you answer partly agree or present a balanced view)? Can we use essay skeletons for completely agree or completely disagree questions?

Thanks in advance

Can anyone please check my essay and provide suggestions. Thanks in advance!

Media is focusing more on issues and emergencies rather than positive developments which is harmful to individuals and society.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that many mass communication industries are increasingly concentrating on negative news than positive developments of countries which have damaging consequences on individuals and society. I completely agree with this argument as this could cause psychological problems in individuals and raises criminal activities in society.

More and more exposure to news on problems and casualties tend to develop certain mental disorders in people. Such information is likely to affect attitudes and perspectives of individuals and so they might develop a negative outlook towards almost everything in their lives. Consequently, they could not sustain even smaller challenges in their personal and professional lives and stay frustrated and depressed in such difficult times. For instance, the renowned businessman Mr. Prakash Patel recently died out of severe depression as he was constantly receiving news on his business failure from different media.

Not only this, a continuous spread of negative information by media seems to be responsible for rising criminal activities in society. This is because such news might be tempting to some immature children or adults, and encourage them to participate in such activities just for a fun. A criminal case, for example, published in a recent news article of Times of India has shown that a 12-year-old boy was found guilty for pickpocketing in trains and his parent accepted that he got motivation for committing this crime from his news watching habit on television.

In conclusion, I altogether favor the argument that constant spread of negative news by media is primarily responsible for mental side effects in individuals and likely to enhance crime in society.

People seem to be either excited or worried about the future impact of artificial intelligence. Personally, I can understand the two opposing points of view; I am both fascinated by developments in artificial intelligence and apprehensive (discerning) about its possible negative effects.

On the one hand, the increasing intelligence of technology should bring some obvious benefits. Firstly, robots designed by this technology are way better than humans at many jobs. For instance, they can perform various surgeries with better accuracy than highly qualified doctors. Secondly, vehicles are increasingly designed with technology these days; hence, this will greatly reduce human errors and the risk of accidents. Self-driving cars are the best example of this technology and they have been proved to enhance the safety of passengers. Finally, as machines are being programmed to do the majority of human’s day to day activities, the quality of our lives will be significantly improved and we will get more leisure time to follow our hobbies.

On the other hand, I share the concerns of people who believe that artificial intelligence may be fatal for us in the coming days. This is because a higher number of workers would unemployed as they might be replaced by intelligent machines. In Japan, for example, around 2000 drivers have recently lost their jobs because of the effective use of self-driving automobiles instead of fossil fuel based vehicles. Not only this, many humans would likely to lose their skills and purpose in life and in such conditions it would be next to impossible for us to live in machine dominant countries. As most of the important activities in the future will be governed through computers, the threats on the world will significantly increase if such system goes rogue or theft by terrorists.

In conclusion, while intelligent machines will no doubt improve our lives in many ways, the potential risks of such technologies should not be ignored.

Hooman,

The essay skeleton is the introduction, first sentence of each main paragraph, and conclusion.

It doesn't matter what type of question it is. There's always an essay skeleton!

Nowadays AI is being used to drive cars.
Why is this happening?
Is it a positive or negative development?

In recent years, the artificial intelligence (AI) technology has been used to drive automobiles. This is because of enormous growth happening in the field of AI and I certainly see this as a positive development because it makes our everyday lives more convenient and comfortable.

These days, the development in the area of artificial intelligence (AI) is on the rise and the invention of self-driving cars is one of the latest and famous inventions of this technology. Scientists are working day and night to invent intelligent machines supported by this technology with the aim of making over lives easy. In fact, many devices developed in recent times do not require extra features and work; they are capable enough to gather specific data from the internet. The YouTube application, for example, can autonomously decide which types of videos should be shown to viewers based on their previous views and this is only possible because of this technology.

In my view, this advancement is certainly beneficial for humans. First and foremost, there would be higher safety and convenience for individuals who regularly travel through self-driving cars. As they operate through pre-defined computer programs, the traffic congestion issue and road accidents would almost disappear. At the same time, individuals traveling through this car could be able to attend their professional meetings, plan for their office or personal priorities, and talk with their families on phone or on Skype though laptop. Moreover, stress felt by most of the human drivers due to driving could be completely eliminated and thus their health level would be largely improved.

In conclusion, I believe that the innovations in the field of artificial intelligence (AI) is the contributing factor for the invention that the robots are being able to drive the automobiles and this is undoubtedly a positive development as it will hugely improve human lifestyle in future.

Dear Simon,

I want to ask is 'Is it always necessary to start the body paragraph with linking words like On the one side and others? Please see my essay on 'Media' in the comment (above) in which I wrote the topic sentence by using the main idea from the introduction without any linking word. Is this way of writing acceptable?

Thanks!

Simon,

Got it!
Thanks for your response and your great courses!

Vishaal

Band 9 states: "uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention", whereas Band 7 says: "uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use".

It may be harder to achieve good cohesion without starting with linking phrases, but worth practicing, and perfectly acceptable. The second paragraph in Simon's model answer below is an example.

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2018/10/ielts-writing-task-2-power-of-advertising-essay.html

Jaimini

"discerning" simply means having the ability to make good judgements, so is not right for the context.
[]
On the one hand,[Probably unnecessary phrase on first paragraph] the increasing intelligence of technology [->increasingly intelligent technology]should ... perform various surgeries[normally uncountable: https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/surgery] ..they have been proved [possibly: proven].. the majority of human’s [-> human (as an adjective)]day to day activities..

In my view, this advancement is certainly beneficial for humans ['humans' is probably okay in this essay on robots etc, but be wary of using it as a general substitute for 'people' as it reeks of a biological or ecological scientific viewpoint.]. First and foremost, there would be higher safety [->greater]and convenience for individuals who regularly travel through self-driving cars. As they operate through pre-defined computer programs, the traffic congestion issue and road accidents would almost disappear. At the same time, individuals traveling through[-> in such a car/in a car with this equipment] this car could be able to attend their professional meetings, plan for their office or personal priorities, and talk with their families on phone or on Skype though laptop. Moreover, [the] stress felt by most of the human drivers due to driving could be completely eliminated and thus their health level would be largely improved.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=higher+safety%2C+*_ADJ++safety&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Chigher%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bown_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bpublic_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bpersonal_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bperfect_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgreater_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcommon_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgeneral_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bonly_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcomparative_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmore_ADJ%20safety%3B%2Cc0

In conclusion, I believe that the innovations in the field of artificial intelligence (AI) is the [->a] contributing factor for [->to] the invention [-> of self-drive/robot-driven automobiles]that the robots are being able to drive the automobiles and this is undoubtedly a positive development as it will hugely improve human lifestyle in future.

Vishaal

"Media"

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/media

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/the-media

To me,"Media is" sounds unusual: I would use either "The media are..." or "News media are...".

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Media+is%2C+Media+are%2C+The+media+are%2C+The+media+is&year_start=1900&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CMedia%20is%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CMedia%20are%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThe%20media%20are%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThe%20media%20is%3B%2Cc0

It is argued that many mass communication industries are increasingly concentrating on negative news rather than positive developments of countries, which have has/ may have ('which' refers to the whole single preceding idea) damaging consequences on individuals and society. I completely agree with this argument as this [poor referencing will damage your score for cohesion -> this (type of reportage) bias ] could cause psychological problems in individuals and raises [and/or increase :curious that increase/raise are sometimes not interchangeable.] criminal activities in society.

.. the renowned businessman Mr. Prakash Patel (Comment: whose fame may not have reached the examiner!) recently died out of severe depression ....

... just for a fun. ... guilty for [wrong preposition here] pickpocketing ...

Hi, Simon

Could you give us some suggestions about how should we do to escape from running off the topic when we are preparing the writing task 2?

Thanks a lot Mona!

I am just trying to improve cohesion in my writing without using too many linking devices and slightly move the needle above 7 bands.

zsófi

Thanks a lot for suggestions! I was too confused about the usage of 'Media is' or 'The Media are'. Now I am clear that 'The news media' is more appropriate. The example of Mr. Prakash Patel is unreal. Isn't it acceptable to write a fake example to support the main idea as IELTS is the English test and not General knowledge test? Please clarify if I'm wrong!

Vishaal

Simon recommends not to invent statistics here:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/02/ielts-advice-dont-invent-statistics.html

Perhaps, as Simon suggests, IELTS is more about expressing your own personal opinion and putting your point across clearly. Something like:

Personally, I find that watching Al-Jazeera and reading the Guardian, with all their harrowing reportage, leaves me saddened and sometimes somewhat aghast, so I just limit my exposure. Like the war in Vietnam, too much truth becomes hard to take. At the same time, some of the 'feel-good' stories on the local news network irritate me with their banal triviality.

It is difficult to go through life knowing that nuclear oblivion is an ever-present possibility, and it is easier to push it all away and try to forget. The same applies to the news. Being constantly bombarded with bad news, and doom-mongering without solutions and even a glimmer of hope inevitably undermines morale. It is also difficult to determine what is realistic and what has been blown up simply to create a news story.

If news media only focused on positive stories and developments, that too would be unbelievable and create a fantasy world. What I would like to see is a more balanced assessment, and discussion of possible solutions, but it has to be said that sometimes the news is bad, and there are no solutions, so it would be unrealistic to expect a happy response.

In my view, expecting to be happy all the time is unrealistic. Sometimes volcanoes explode unexpectedly with disastrous consequences: this is part and parcel of life on this planet, and we just need to understand and accept that. If reality makes us "depressed", then that is our fault, or at least seeing depression as avoidable and unwelcome is unrealistic. Grief and sadness are part of life whether we like it or not.

People seem either excited or worried about the future impact of artificial intelligence. Personally I can understand the two opposing views; I am both fascinated by developments in AI and apprehensive about its possible negative effects.

On the one hand, the increasing intelligence of technology should bring some obvious benefits. Machines which are designed by this technology are way faster than humans at many jobs. For example, dispensing robots at pharmacies are able to dispense about 100 prescriptions in only 45 minutes, while a human dispenser usually makes about 7 prescriptions on average in an hour. As a result, such innovation would be able to cater the need of large number of patients in hospitals or care homes.

On the other hand, I share the concern of people who believe that artificial intelligence may be fatal for us if we are not careful. Even though robot dispensers serve hundreds of patients in short amount of time, but they are prone to make errors. It is possible that the robot dispense the wrong medication and that could lead to serious consequences on patients health and well-being. Therefore, all medications which are dispensed by machines should be always checked by humans before giving them to patients to avoid any fatal consequences.

In conclusion, while intelligent machines will no doubt improve our lives in many ways, the potential risks of such technologies should not be ignored.

Please guys can you give me feedback. thanks

May

...the increasing intelligence of technology should bring some obvious benefits. Machines which are designed by with this technology...

As far as I know, most design work is still under the control of human beings. Yes, in designing aircraft and other machinery extensive use is made of computer modelling, which may involve some AI programming, but robots are not yet designed by robots. That might seem but a small next step, but it would also represent a giant leap forward for robot-kind as they would be able to mutate and develop themselves. The fact is that so-called 'artificial intelligence' has nowhere near the creative flexibility needed to develop new applications, at least so far ....

It is possible that the robot dispense the wrong medication -> possible for robots to dispense the wrong medication

Hi! I just got the results and I was able to get the requisite score for studying overseas. Your material really helped me. I could not sleep the night before the exam due to some personal circumstances and was deciding to not give exams but I eventually decided to give it. I was awake for the last 36-40 hours when I gave the ielts test but your techniques and advice enabled me to get an overall score of 8. My scores were 9, 6.5, 8.5 and 7.5 for R/W/L/S respectively.
I thank you for helping me accomplish this.

Introduction
AI has been on debate among many people for its benefits and potential aftermath. Some people contend that AI would provide them with a number of merits, while I personally argue that it is more disadvantageous.

Topic sentence, paragraph 2
AI might seem attractive to people for several reasons.

Topic sentence, paragraph 3
Despite these advantages mentioned above, I am personally apprehensive about its side-effects.

Conclusion
In conclusion, while artificial intelligence would obviously lead to improvements in our life, its fatal impacts to humans should be taken into account.

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