« IELTS Writing Task 2: 'artificial intelligence' plan | Main | IELTS Speaking: paraphrasing examples »

Thursday, November 08, 2018

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Hi Simon,
I find it difficult to write that kind of sentence without repeat verb, even trying to vary vocabulary.
can I replace it with this:
there was an increasing number of population went on holiday in 2005, 2010 and 2015 with 50%, 60% and 70% respectively.

thank you so much for your Ielts tips.

hello simon,
i have practice this kind of sentences in ielts preparation online

    https://www.swantutorsonline.com/home/index/ielts-preparation-online
.i'm preparing for my ielts from seantutorsonline only with latest study material

hang

Might I suggest you look at the model answer below, provided by the British Council themselves. What I notice is that there is often the first part of the sentence with a general descriptive statement without figures, followed by a clause or phrase with the detail. What may be important is the grammar used to hang the two sections together. If you look back through Simon's Task 1 lessons, these various techniques are explored.

An analysis of the data by level of education shows that higher levels of education correspond to higher levels of computer ownership in both of those years. In 2002, only around 15% of those who did not finish high school had a computer but this figure had trebled by 2010. There were also considerable increases, of approximately 30 percentage points, for those with a high school diploma or an unfinished college education (reaching 65% and 85% respectively in 2010). However, graduates and postgraduates proved to have the greatest level of ownership in 2010, at 90% and 95% respectively, 20 percentage points higher than in 2002.

thanks a lot simon cowell!

A) John can play the guitar, and Mary (can play) the violin.
B) Fred took a picture of you, and Susan (took a picture) of me.
c) She persuaded him to do the homework, and he (persuaded) her (to do the homework).
d) John can play the guitar, and Mary can (play the guitar,) too.
e) Sam has attempted problem A twice, and (he has attempted) problem B also.

f) I will feed the chickens today if you will (feed the chickens) tomorrow.

g) They could read this book more easily than they could (read) that book.

h) The first train and the second (train) have arrived.

The phrases in brackets can be omitted.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellipsis_(linguistics)

Simon's list sentences can then be reformulated as:

In 2005, fifty percent of the population went on holiday abroad; in 2010, sixty per cent; and in 2015, seventy.

Hi Oleg
Thank you so much

But there's more: the instructions are to "make comparisons where relevant", so we need to include year-on-year comparisons at least. Thus (using the -ing form of the verb instead of the semi-colons):

In 2005, fifty percent of the population went on holiday abroad, rising to sixty per cent in 2010, and (rising) again to seventy in 2015.

In 2005, 50% of the population went on holiday abroad and its increased by 10% in 2010. Surprisingly, by 2015, the number of people who went overseas hit the peak at 70%.

What about my variation ? Just correct me

Thanks,
Eden

Eden

In 2005, 50% of the population went on holiday abroad and its the proportion had increased to 60% by 2010. Continuing the trend, by 2015, the number of people who went overseas hit the peak rose to 70% .

its "the proportion had increased by 10% in 2010." Although this version would correct the grammar, the maths is wrong. 50% increased by 10% = 55% not 60%.

Surprisingly, [Your report should be dry and objective, without commentary: you yourself may indeed be surprised but this is a personal reaction based on your personal expectations, and goes beyond mere interpretation.]

['hit a peak' is a journalistic phrase: in IELTS and academic writing use 'peak' as a verb -> 'peaked'. That said, where is your evidence that it peaked? 'Peak' implies a subsequent fall: there are no figures to substantiate that.]

Personally, I think you are better off using adverbial gerunds (verb+ing), as this avoids having to repeat or paraphrase the subject of the sentence. So, something like:

In 2005, 50% of the population went on holiday abroad, and this rose to 60% in 2010, and again to 70% in 2015.

If we had figures for the intervening years, we could start out with a general trend statement, and follow with the detail, which is a good technique: the proportion of the population holidaying abroad trended steadily upwards over the period surveyed, rising from 50% in 2005, to 60% in 2010, and again to 70% in 2015.

Looking forward for the next graph lesson from you.

Dear Simon,

I have a recent Academic Task 1 question which contains two tables showing statistic of workers of foreign and US birth in the United states. There are lots of data in it and it is hard for me to select which to state in my writing.

I uploaded the photo of the tables in below link. Would you please explain how to answer such questions.

https://upload.cat/05ea5650fdbbd81c

Marzieh

Where there is a wealth of data, the only way to deal with it is to group the information. This is in line with the instruction "select and report the main features".

To me the main features would include:

1) There were five times as many US-born unemployed compared to foreign-born.

2) The overall unemployment rates were quite similar.

3) The pattern by age group is somewhat similar but shows larger variation for the US-born.

4) There is a difference in the the male/female ratio.

In the answer, the trick is to mention each column and each line at least once, using "ranged between" or similar, and provide support for the main features outlined in the overview with selected statistics.

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name is required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)