IELTS Writing Task 1: 'process diagram' details

Here are my 'details' paragraphs to finish the essay I started last week:

Looking at the coffee production process in detail, coffee beans must first be picked in the fields. These beans are then dried, roasted, and cooled before being put in a grinding machine, which turns the beans into coffee granules.

At the sixth stage in the process, the ground coffee is mixed with hot water, and the resulting mixture is strained. Next, the mixture is frozen and then passed once again through the grinder. After that, the ground, frozen liquid is dried in a vacuum so that the water evaporates, leaving the coffee granules. Finally, these granules are packed into coffee jars for delivery to shops.

Did you notice the passives and sequencing phrases?

- Passives: must be picked; are dried, roasted and cooled; is mixed...
- Sequencing: then; and; at the sixth stage; next; after that; finally...

Comments

[Adel Ansari]

Hi Simon.
Perfect writing as always. I didn't notice these vocabulary in the diagram but now I do:
- Coffee granules
- Ground coffee
- water evaporates
Thank you Simon for posting useful lessons and beautiful writings.

[RN]

Hello Everyone,

Good news - I got great results.

L-8.5, R-7.0, W-7.5, S-8.5.

This is what i wrote for task 2. Hope this helps someone.

Full time university students spend most of the time studying. They should be doing other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In today’s world, majority of the prospective full-time university students are spending most of their time studying. As such, I completely agree that they need to spend time doing other activities too. This will be shown by looking at how physical wellbeing and family life is important along with education.

For one, pupils need to spend time on physical activities. Take Shanghai, for example. Students in Shanghai are well known for their high education. This is demonstrated by the economic contribution they make to their country’s benefit. The drawback here is that, these pupils are becoming obese by spending most of their time on studying, and not doing any sport. Thus, as can be clearly seen from my example there is a need of physical exercise as well.

In addition to this, Students need to concentrate on family relations. To illustrate, in America, pupils often traverse longer distances and live at student residences in order to commit to full-time studies. This leads to a strain in their family relations. Living with family allows them to have a sense of empathy and makes them a responsible person. This makes it clear why pupils need to indulge in other activities as well as in education.

In conclusion, after looking at how important physical health and relations are in students’ lives; it has now been proven that pupils need to spend time on other activities as well. It is predicted that this continues to be followed into the foreseeable future.

[albidudech]

Dear Simon,
speaking of Process Diagrams in Task 1,i've just finished writing one about "environmental issues of production".
Here is the task:
"The diagram below shos the environmental issues raised by a product over its life cycle.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the manin features,and make comparisons where relevant."
The steps were written and connected like this:
1.Planning & Design
2.Consumption of materials and energy resources
3.Production
4.Packaging and distribution
5.Sales
6.Use by costumers
(From there one arrow pointed to "disposal",an other one to the first step,and another to a 7th step)
7.Recycling (this pointed directly to the 2nd step,consumption and ...)

Here is what i have written:

------
The process diagram gives us information about the different stages of development and production of goods and the connected negative effects on the environment.
From the "planning and designing" to the final delivery and disposal,the whole life cycle of the product can be summarized in seven steps,each of them potentially responsible for pollution.
Initially,the item is designed and studied thoroughly,most of the time using a computer.As soon as the planning is over,trucks have to transport to the factories all the necessary materials:once there,they are used for the actual manufacturing of the object,a stage that requires a lot of energy resources.
When the product is finished,it has to be packaged and carried to the retailers,where it will be finally available for the buyers.
Be it a washing machine or a television,the good will be used and will demand electricity,thus increasing again the consumption of energy.
Eventually,the product will break down or age,thereby requiring to be disposed of.However,nowadays it is possible to recycle the majority of manifactured items;as a result,the overall consumption of materials can be partially balanced back,and new energy can be obtained by the recycling process.

--------

Now,don't worry,i am surely not asking for a correction of such a long and boring essay :)
However,i would like to know whether you think i should have focused more on the "environmental issues",made comparisons,or suggested new ways of improving the process.I am asking this because in the book whence i took the assignment,it is suggested that we may do such things.Nevertheless,i tried to write this essay in the time limit focusing on the structure that you advised on your posts,and i think was the best way to avoid getting lost and missing the point.
Still,i am afraid that by doing that i might have forgotten some points or issues necessary for the "Task Achievement" requirement.
If anyone in addition to Simon has some suggestions or has been in a situation like this at the exam,i would be really grateful if you could give me your advice.
Thank you in advance for your patience,

Albi

[Iman]

Hi dear Simon,
As usual you are awesome for helping people all around the world.
I have a few questions about task1.

1) Is it OK to use "in spite of" or "versus" instead of "while" to avoid repetition? what other words do you suggest except "in contrast" ?

2) can I use "correspondingly" as well as "respectively" to avoid repetition again?

3) I saw sometimes people wrote "different countries" ... I wondered that countries never could be the same so isn't it absurd?

4) can I use "segment" instead of "sector" to avoid repetition?

5)can I use "illustrates" ,"indicates" or "mentions" instead of "shows" ..e.g. the chart indicates that.....

I really appreciate your time and consideration.

God bless you.

[Iman]

Hi again Simon,

I just want to let you know that this URL doesn't work any more
http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/06/ielts-writing-task-1-two-charts-or-graphs.html
please fix it if it's possible.
Good luck.

[Isa]

Hi Simon,
some process diagrams are very specific and hard to describe..sometime it happens you don't know the topic and there's no alternative to find synonyms...for example it'd take too long to explain what a coffe granule is if I don't know the the word and this could make the writing test boring and unnatural...what can I do? ( a part from learning/reading/listening/ as much as possible..)
Thank you

[Simon]

Thanks Iman.

...

I'll try to answer other questions from this page next weekend.

[Iman]

Thanks Simon, I am looking forward to hearing from you soon...

[Simon]

Hi Iman,

Here's a link that works:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-1-describing-2-charts.html

[josh]

Hi Simon

i went through the process of water cycle and the process of preparing coffee. i have noticed that u have used active verbs in water cycle and the passive in coffee preparation. can u enlighten me about the use of active and passive sentence structure.

regards
josh

[Simon]

Hi Josh,

Have a look at this lesson:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/02/ielts-writing-task-1-describe-a-process-1.html

[Samo7a]

The length is under 150 words will this penalised greately

[Ernesto M-A]

My report:

The figure illustrates the elaboration process of the coffee that we purchase in the supermarket.

As can be seen, the whole production consists of eleven different steps, from the picking of the coffee beans in the fields, to the packing of the final product into jars.

First, the coffee beans are picked and left under the sun to dry. Then they are roasted in an oven. In the fourth step, the roasted beans are rapidly cooled and later ground in an especial mixer. The obtained grains are mixed with hot water and then strained. Afterwards the mixture is frozen.

At this point, the product is a frozen coffee liquid, which is ground one more time and then dried in a vacuum, so that all humidity is gone.
In the last step, the fine, dry coffee particles are packed into branded jars. This is the final product, as we find it in the shelves of our favourite supermarket.

(157 words)

[eva]

HI Simon,

I am studying, like nearly all here ;, for the IELTS. I have just prepared a process diagramm. I wrote an Introduction, an Overview paragraph and I also gave detailed information about the process.

Still I haven´t written enough words. Is it a good idea to resume the most important informations in order to get the needed words?

[ross]

Hello, how can i prepare myself for Ielts exam ?

[David]

Hi Simon, when I add your two introductory paragraphs to your details paragraphs for this question I only get 148 words. Is this just a small oversight?

[Simon]

David,

I didn't check, but I suppose that can happen when I write reports in two separate parts!

PS. A little secret: you only lose points below 140 words.

[arnoldzhen]

This diagram illustrates how many steps involved in making coffee beans into final coffee products.

It is clear that eleven stages are needed from picking beans to packing into jars. Drying, roasting, cooling and grinding are mostly used techniques in the process.

The first step is coffee beans collecting. The second is heating those beans by sun. The beans will be put into oven and roasted for a while to eliminate water further. Beans should be cooled quickly after roast. The fifth step is crucial which the beans will be ground to powder by machine. The sixth and seventh steps are the only steps involving with water. Coffee powder will be mixed with hot water and then the mixture be strained.

The mixture will be frozen before it ground again. Water has to be taken out. So the ground powder will be dried again by the same oven at the step 3. Finally, the coffee products are made ready for sales after dried powder packed into jars.

[thang]

Hi! Simon

Your essay have just 148 words. So it is enough to qualified for task response?