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Thursday, January 13, 2011

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Hi Simon,
this is my first essay....
1. The data shows the percentage of british consumer goods between 1972 and 1983.
2.It can be said that the highest number of appliances was the television with 93% in 1972 and 98% in 1983.
The biggest changes in british households for the entire period were in telephone and central heating with a steady increase from around 40% to 64% in central heating and 77% telephone owners.
4.In 1972, 42% of the british consumers had a telephone and over the eleven year period it increased considerably to 77%. The central heating ownership grew about 25% from 39% to 64%.
18% of the british customers bought a video recorder which was introduced onto the marked in 1983.
The lowest increase in british homes is the owning of dishwasher.
First seen onto the marked in 1978 with 3% there was a slowly rising to 5% in 1983.

Hi Simon! I'll be taking my exam on January 22 and I'd like to ask a favor from you-can you please post your sample essay for Cambridge IELTS 6,test 4,writing task 1-it shows 2 bar charts on number of marriages and divorces and marital status of americans from 1970-2000. Please! :) I just can't find the relationship between the two charts because in the first chart n;umber of divorces is increasing while it decreases in the 2nd figure.
Tnx in advance.

Hi Karin,

I'm afraid I can't give detailed feedback or a score, but you seems to have the right idea. Just make sure you write 4 clear paragraphs (don't start each sentence on a new line).

...

Hi Grazilda,

Ok, I'll find that question for next Thursday's lesson.

Hi Simon,

i have question about task 1 . is it important to write linking words. such as Also, However, etc..

Thank you Simon for your feedback.

hi, Simon.
please explain question to me.
in following sentence
''These consumer durables were owned by over 90% of households by the end of the period''
you use the past simple. but i think that '' by the end of period'' means that a time before a specific point in the past. so we should use past participle .can i use past participle in this sentence?
thank you so much

I have written the following introduction and overview for the above mentioned task,please correct it sir ,

The table illustrates the percentage of british families who had different consumer appliances during the period from 1972 to 1983.

It is clear that the television had the highest figues of ownership in the table.There was a significant rise in the telephone and central heating ownership in this period.

Hi Najla,

It's good to use some linking words, but the obvious ones like "however" are not the only words that link ideas. In my paragraph above, "this", "these" and "one" are also linking words.

...

No problem Karin.

...

Hi Tung,

Do you mean that you want to use the past perfect "had been owned"?

Often we do use the past perfect with "by", but not always. In this case I'm talking about the end of the period, not the time before it, so "had been owned" would seem strange.

...

Hi SamEer,

Great, you've done exactly what I suggested. Just remember the capital "B" for British.

Hi simon,
for dishwasher, do we say that it was introduced in 1978? and same for video 1983?

Hi Yagnesh,

Yes, you could say that. Or you could say that no figures are given for video until 1983.

hi Simon

you are my role model reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly

Thanks Sultan!

it is my essay . third paragraph is plagiarized :))

The table represents percentage of household devices bought by British consumers between 1972 and 1983.

In first glance, it can be seen from the table that the highest percentage of people owned television while biggest change was on telephone and central hitting in given period.

In 1972 , 93 % of people had television and this increased to 98 % in 1983 . The majority of homes also had a vacuum cleaner and a refrigerator. This consumer durables were owned by over 90% of households by the end of the period .The fourth most common item was washing machines and owners of this rose from 66% in 1972 to 80% in 1983.

Dishwahsers began to be used only form 1978 by 3% of British population and this percentage increased just to 5% in 1983. Then came videos which were owned only 1983 by 18% of householders. Central heating and telephone were owned by 37%, 42% of British respectively at the beginning of the period and these consumer durables become highly popular 1983 with over 25% growth in percentage of consumers.

Thanks for sharing your essay Tabriz.

I can't give scores or check mistakes here, but you seem to have the right idea.

Simon

dear simon

i am not looking for a specific score for the piece of writing below. i wrote it a bit differently from what you suggested. instead of focusing on the highest figures, i focused on the changes,both big and small. could you please tell me if this approach is ok?

-------------------------------------------
The table shows the proportion of consumer appliances owned by families in Britain between 1972 and 1983.

It is clear from the table that there was a steady rise in the figures for household gadgets over the period shown. While the highest increase was seen in the use of telephone, the percentage of television and dishwasher ownership grew very minimally.

In 1972 only 42% of British families had telephones, but the figure shot up dramatically to 77% in 1983, an increase of 35%. There was also a 25% increase in the central heating ownership in around a decade. While refrigerator use rose by 21%, washing machine ownership saw a 14% growth between 1971 and 1983.

In 1983, in the year of their introduction, just 18% of English families possessed videos, and from 1971 to 1982 the proportion of vacuum cleaners grew by 8%, where as households with television and dish washers rose slightly by 5% and 2% respectively.

Hi Naji,

Yes, this approach is really good too. Very clear and well-organised.

thanks simon, you are really helpful!

No problem Zhon.


hi simon

it this correct sentnce

although bristish households had significantly a greater percentages of televiosion ownership throughout the period, the growth was much less significant in the following years as it rose by just 5% in total over the period shown



specific details >2 less growth
having exam soon , pliz comment on this

In sharp contrast, the percentages of other electric appliances owned in the British households showed less growth during the same period of time.To be specific, the percentage of television ownership rose to 98% in 1983 from 93% in 1972. similarly, the percentage of vacuum cleaner ownership rose by 8% and those of washing machine significantly lower by just 2% even though this was lately introduced in the British households in the year 1978.

the table reflects changes in the number of electric appliances that were owned in the British households for a period of 11 years.

it can be seen that the proportion of goods owned increased over the period shown. Television ownership indeed accounted the significant growth, however.

Hi Johnson,

I'm afraid that sending sentences and paragraphs separately is the same as sending full essays.

It's impossible for me to offer grammar correction or individual feedback on students' work. I would be working 24 hours a day if I did this.

Sorry I can't help. Try to find a teacher who can check your work and help you face-to-face.

Please evaluate my essay if possible

The chart above provides information about the number of various durables that are consumed over the 10 years period started from 1972.
As we can observe from the table, in that decade the most common consumer durables were television set and vacuum cleaner, numbers of which rose to just above 90% with slight growths till 1983. Videos and dishwashing machines, however, were the least favor, as might be expected. Although telephones and heating systems owned were not popular so much in 1970s, they were followed by greatest increases- 77% and 64% respectively.
The rest 2 types of durables which are consumed by British from 1972 to 1983 named refrigerator and washing machine. Despite some poorer figures, they also rose steadily among these years.
From this table, it is obvious that the number of all types of durables – the overall trend is upward in the years between 1972 and 1983.

Hi Reshade,

I'm afraid I don't offer essay correction and scoring. If I did this, everyone would send me their essays. Try to find a teacher who can help you face-to-face.

Hi Simon,could I paraphrase the introd as follows
The table compares the British households in terms of (their consumption) or (their ownership) of different durables between ......
Does it make sense?

Could I say consumption of durables?
Also,could you please confirm that the percentage is related to the household or families not the goods?
Thanks a lot

Ownership to
Ownership of

Hi Moka,

Your sentence is fine, and both consumption and ownership are possible. Note: ownership OF (not 'to').

Yes, the percentage is for households. For example, in my paragraph I wrote: "In 1972, 93% of British homes had a television".


is this sentence very confusing , sir?

The percentage of telephone ownership , although popular throughout the period in the British households accounting well above 90%, rose by just 5% over the period shown.

Hi Simran,

Yes, the big phrase between the commas is a bit confusing.


how about this, sir?

The percentage of telephone ownership rose by just 5%, rising from 93% in 1972 to 98% in 1983.

That's fine Simran.

Respected Sir Simon,

I couldn't improve my writing task 2 ability.plz give me some tips in this regard.

Hi Simon,
Would you please give comment on my following essay. Thank you very much

The table gives the information on durables that British households owned in their houses between 1972 t0 1983.
It is clearly seen from the table that percentage of all durables in UK families increased during 9 years. It is easy to recognize that telephone percentage increased dramatically by 35% (from 42% in 1972 to 77% in 1983). The second biggest change is in central heating consumption. There was about 64% of family owing central heating while there was 39% in the year of 1972.
However, it can be seen that there was a little change in the televion consumption. The percentage of TV consumption rose slightly by 5% (to 98%) although the numbers of family having TV were always the highest.
Especially, there was no family using video and dishwasher in the first years (1972,1974 and 1976). Dishwasher started becoming one of the household durables in 1978 with very low percent (3%). After few years, the percentage of using it increased slightly to 5%. Other durable such as video appeared in UK family very late, in 1983 with very good beginning (18%).
In conclusion, most durables such as central heating, TV, vacuum cleaner, fridge, washing machines, dish washer and telephone were used in British families. And after nearly 10 years, the number of family using these equipment increased from slightly to dramatically. It can be clear evidence for better living standard of British family

Hi, Simon. I am wondering if the following sentence can be accepted in IELTS tests. I tried to mention that the largest increments are in central heating and telephone:

Moreover, telephone and central heating obtained the largest increment in the table. They were both owned by around 40% families in 1972, and television(central heating) rose to 77%(64%) by 1983.

In my field, papers are usually wrote in this way, and i am not sure if it can work in IELTS tests

Hi Simon
Thank you for your noble work! You have been a great help to me and my colleagues.

This is my trial on Paragraph 4 of this task, is it correct?

Only 39% of the British homes had central heating in 1972, whereas telephones were available at 42 % of these houses in the same time. Nevertheless, non of the Houses had a dishwasher or videos up until 1978 and 1983 respectively, and even then only 3% had the former and 18% had the later.

Hi Simon, thank you for your website. Here is my essay. Could you or somobody give the comment on this.

The table compares the percentages of using equipment in UK during period of time from 1972 to 1983.
It can be clear that there is an increase by difference number for all the given equipment list. The greatest change ware in telephone ownership and central heating. Meanwhile the highest one was television that used all the time with the number just under 100%.
It can be clear that, 93% of British homes had a television in 1972, and it increased to 98% in 1983. The majority of homes also had a vacuum cleaner and a refrigerator. These consumer durables were owned by over 90% of households by the end of the period. Washing machines were the fourth most common item, with 66% of households owning one in 1972, rising to 80% of households in 1983.
The following is the lower groups, telephone were only 42% in 1972 and 77in 1983. There was slightly lower than telephone central heating with 39 in 1972 and 64 in 1983. The next one is extremely lower are dishwasher only 3% in 1978 and 5% in 1983. And 1983 was also the year of introduction for video with 18%.


The table compares the percentage of using 8 appliances owned by residents in Britain from 1972 to 1983.
It is apparent that television was the most favorable choice among British people whilst dish washer was the least popular. All these household devices witnessed an increase in their consumption but telephone had the fastest growing rate.
With 93% in 1972 and nearly 100% in 1983, television was the most demanded household equipment. Although being dominant among consumers, it experienced the slowest growth. It was followed by second largest percentage, the vacuum cleaner with an increase of only under 10% over the period. Likewise, dishwasher, which appeared quite late in 1978 with a significantly low figure 3%, had increased only 2% by the end of the period.
By contrast, telephone dramatically shot up from 42% in 1972 to 77% in 1983, which was nearly a two-fold increase. With a rise of just under 25%, central heating, refrigerator, and washing machine were the second fastest growing group. Video, which was only surveyed in the last year of the period, stood at slightly under one fifth of television ownership (18%)


dear simon,
i have just started writting ielts task 2 , can you help me check this essay?

the table provided illustate the percentages of households durables which consum by Britain residents between 1972 and 1983 . Overall, it can be seen clearly from the table that people in Britain used households for many purposes( television , video,...).Mostly, television were being used by a lot of people while it was not until 1983 that video appeared.

As for the table datas, from 1972 to 1983 the number of central heating increased quickly about 61%.Moreover, there was a 5% rise in television using. Before 1983, there weren't any people use video but it was 18% of using in 1983. Vacuum cleaner, then saw a dramitical change in the time of 10 years( 1972 to 1982) then stop being used in 1983 . Over a period of 11 years, more and more people used refrigerater approximately 94%(1983).A large of proportion Britain people used washing machine, compare to a small amount in dishwasher. Increasing a lump of 35%,telephone saw a marked at 77% (1983)

In conclusion, Britain people spend durables for many differents avtivities and all of them set to a better growth than in the past.

hi Simon
i have a question about reading part.
i could not make a decision between testing myself and doing test slowly
right know i usually test my self and approximately it takes 40 minutes.generally i score 7-8 band however i cant tell that i understand whole idea of the 3 article.
And of course i look into dictionary for vocabulary that i dont know after the test.
do you think my method is fine or should i change it
thanks..

Hi Simon,

I added the 3rd paragraph that you made, here is my essay:

The table illustrates the percentages of different durables owned by British people over a period of 11 years.
It is clear from the table that television was the most common item in British homes with the highest rate each year, the biggest change was seen in the proportion of telephone and central heating with an increase of 25 points of percentage for each.
In 1972, 93% of British homes had a television, and this increased to 98% in 1983. The majority of homes also had a vacuum cleaner and a refrigerator. These consumer durables were owned by over 90% of households by the end of the period. Washing machines were the fourth most common item, with 66% of households owning one in 1972, rising to 80% of households in 1983.
Dishwashers were first owned in 1978 by British homes and kept being the least common durable until 1983 with the slightest change, from 3% to 5%. Video players were first owned in 1983 and they became the second least common item with 18% of households owning one. Central heating and telephones remained the third and the fourth least common items with the percentage of 64% and 77% respectively during the period shown, despite they saw the biggest change.


A glance at the figure reveals some striking differences as well as simularities in consumer durables (cell phone, refrigerator) owned in britain during the period from 1972 until 1983.
it is evident from the graph that tv consumer durables dominated the highest category. however, central heating consumer durables illustrated the lowest per cent.
first of all, central heating demonstrated is started 38% in 1972. however, in coming last year, it showed 26% more than 1972 with 64 degree in 1983.
likewise, vedeo consumer durables revealed nothing from 1972 until 1983. moreover, it described the lowest per cent with 18% in 1983.
furthermore,vocuum cleaner is began 87 per cent . meanwhile, after 12 years it occupied almost nothing.further even more interestingly, refrigator illustrated 20 % less than 1976 with 73% in 1972. after 9 years, it showed the same level as tv"s consumer durables in 1972. however, after year,it demonstrated 1% rose minimally.
Meanwhile , waching machine showed 66 per cent in 1972. then, in 1983,it revealed bommed increasingly with 80%.
Likewise,dealwasher is not showed anthing between 1972and 1976. meanwhile, it illustrated increase step by step with 3 and 5 durin the period from 1978 until 1983.
The last one, phone consumer durables showed is began 92%, after 11 years , it revealed rose dramatically with 77 per cent.

please check in my writing and mark it

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