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Wednesday, September 01, 2010

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Hi, Simon,
The following is an argument+detail I write about urbanization . I just find it a little awkward but don't know how to improve it, can you help me?

Firstly, People move into cities to seek economic opportunities. In rural areas, it is often difficult to improve one's standard of living beyond basic sustenance.Cities, in contrast, are known to be places where money and wealth are centralized. As a result, an increasing number of people migrate to cities in search of greater employment possibilities and a higher standard of living.

Hi Adverb,

There is nothing wrong with this. You just need to expand a bit more by giving a real example of what you are talking about. What employment possibilities are there, and in what way is the standard of living higher?

Hi, Simon
Is there a grammartical mistake in the following sentence? I don't know if I used the "as punishment..." in the right way. Help me. Can you help me to correct the mistake if there is one?

In china, for example, people who commit violent crimes such as murder, kidnapping or blackmail are imprisoned as punishement proportionate to the crime.

Regards

Hi Adverb.

It seems fine to me!

So what will be a good conclusion to close this topic?

Hi Justin,

You just need something simple that repeats the main ideas.

e.g. "In conclusion, most people who re-offend probably feel that they have no other choice. To address this problem, we should move towards rehabilitation rather than punishment."

Dear Simon
I tried to write a conclusion. Is it good?

" In conclusion, the offenders will not repeat crimes if governments and people of society collaborate with them and help for having a healthy community without any guilty of crime. My suggestion is that all of people in country must change their pessimitic view rather than offenders. They should consider them as usual individuals that have right for living."
Thanks for your tips
Goli

Hi Goli,

It's good, but the conclusion doesn't need to be so long. It's better to spend more time on the main body paragraphs because these are more important for your score. Have a look at my advice for conclusions:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/03/ielts-writing-task-2-conclusions.html

Also, look through my lessons to see some of the full essays I've written. The conclusions are always short.

Hi Simon
I have problem with this introduction of essay as I dont know is it essential to write problems and solutions in introduction.My introduction here:

It is very often to see that some offenders commit crime again . It can be viewed from many aspects such as poverty , unemployment and lack of unemployment . To tackle this some measures could be taken by governments .

Hi Mh,

You've got the right idea. I think you have mentioned both problems and solutions - mentioning 'some measures' is enough.

HI Simon,

I also have the problem with intro

The increasing crime rate is one of major issues in contemporary society and what astonish us more is that the same crime is often committed by the same offender even after after punishment. there are a number of causes of this problem and each one needs to be dealt with in a particular way.

You've definitely got the right idea Zhengyu.


sir is this good introduction

There is no doubt that some offenders commit crimes even though they have been punished. There are various contributing factors associated with this problem, and this problem could be solved by taking some effective measures and acting these accordingly.

You've got the right idea Simran.

These are really helpful.
I am learning slowly and steadily.

Hi sir is this a good introduction? In recent decade, we face with increasing crime. Antisocial behavior is commited by criminal record, more and more. Current punishment is not able to prevent them . Government must take new standard for this difficulty

"http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/03/ielts-writing-task-2-conclusions.html"

Can you share this link again ? I cannot open it. It about advice for conclusions

Hi Saimai,

Here's the link again:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/11/ielts-writing-task-2-conclusions.html

Hi Simran,
I like your introduction however, I noticed a slight error.

use 'implementing' instead of 'acting'

High advanced words for IELTS writing task 2. I am a big fan of Simon's writing style. However, it is not simple to imitate his style. ANW, I love this website alot.

Sir,
I have problem with combining these points to make main paragraph. I often found it difficult in many essay.
Can you please guide me?

Here is my into
It is true that many criminals commit crimes even after they have been punished. There are various reasons for this,and both government and society need to work together to improve situation.

Conclusion :
It is clear that there are many reasons for why some offender commit crimes after punishment and various steps like rehabilitation, vocational training programs need to be taken to tackle this problem.

Hi simon
I am new student in ilets .i have some problems
In my writing tasks like vocab and sentence formation plz guide me.

Perhaps no subject in the contemporary society is as controversial as the matter of hơw to solve the increasing of repeating crimes. This essay will dícuss the posible causes that lead prisoners break the law again after releasing, and tender some contructive treatments to reduce this pressing issue.

Introduction from newcome. Please give me your advices!
I have extremely admided your studying methods.
Thank you, teacher.

Hi Simon sir
I am preparing myself for second time Ielts exam and in first attempt I got 5.5 bands in writing module,but I need 6 bands.so please help me to improve my writing skills by sharing some ideas to me.I hope you will reply me and also give me solution of my problem.finally, thanks allot sir.

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