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Wednesday, September 12, 2018

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Dear IELTS Professionals,
I would love if somebody could rate my below essay related to the plan suggested by Simon, and estimate an average band for it.

Cheers,

It is argued by some that national history and literature should be prioritised over its foreign counterparts. I completely agree with this idea, and I believe that studying international cultures would be even unnecessary.

In my opinion, the idea to alleviate our students’ knowledge with more local topic-related subjects is extremely essential. People have to keep themselves more fastened to their traditions, which could be systematically achieved by implementing such subjects in our students’ curriculum. This would definitely enforce the connection of youngsters with their ancestors, and would therefore result in a more reliable and trustworthy community. For instance, studying history and philosophy in a progressive school environment would increase the whole society’s sense of purpose and self-esteem. In my view, this would not be achieved if learning of foreign cultures was in favour.

Furthermore, I would also argue that focusing on overseas subjects would be pointless. Learning such subjects would not help any local society to prosper or flourish, and might, in contrast, create for children a negative unconscious willing towards their native countries. This would likely lead to casting local traditions aside, and replacing it by unusual and abnormal ones. For example, children who are inherited from some Indian tribes may find themselves by the time imitating foreign cultures and habits, such as person’s external appearance, and the disappearance of their native languages. Consequently, if this would indeed happen, small countries could lose its identities and traditions, and may even collapse.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that local customs’ related subjects should be prioritised at schools over any other foreign ones, and that the defiance of doing so might lead to detrimental effects for some communities.

Body Paragraph 2:

In my opinion, teaching teenagers about their country’s past and literature have many benefits. Firstly, students would be benefited by the knowledge of cultural identities, traditional values of national heroes. For example, many famous management institutes or schools are teaching the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi ‘The story of my experiments with truth’ for management lessons. Secondly, since literature reflects the history of the particular nation, it is important to make children aware of the sacrifices and heroic deeds of their national heroes. This learning would be beneficial for developing moral codes, ethical values and good qualities in the students. Finally, it would be helpful to the juveniles for becoming better citizens in the future.

It is sometimes argued that local national literature and history should be paid more attention than foreign's. While I agree with the idea that it is less important for children to study the oversea's books and events, I do believe that it will be more useful for children to read their own country's.

There are several reasons why children should pay less attention on oversea's knowledge. Firstly, school curriculum is already filled with history unit, as well as other important academic subjects.If their valuable time were taken away from these studies, this may lead to poor performance in their academic results. Secondly.many children show no interest in outside world. global's history and literature will not benefit the children If they are reluctant to get themselves involved in these units, and it would be wrong if force them to do so. Finally, history in many countries was full of civil wars, and tragedies. This may educate children to solve problems by resorting to violence.

On the other hand, by educating the children their own country's literature and history will benefit the country in the long run. Children will proud of their country by knowing their literature book and history. For example, Shakespeare has been worldwide known for his literature work. This will pose a positive impact on Children by teaching them, and may lead them to become next Shakespeare in future. Also, by studying the history, it lets children to know their country's past. It will motive them to study or work hard to construct their country for better when they grow up if knowing their past history was poor, and left behind.


In conclusion, my view is that it is far more important to teach children their local knowledge, instead of putting time on foreign books and events which do not benefit the children.

Strenghten instead of alleviate

MIAALY

1) Consider "It has been argued elsewhere that.."
OR
I completely agree with the idea that national history and literature should be prioritized over ...
[]
2).. over its[their] foreign counterparts[this paraphrase does not work for me: perhaps try rewriting using 'school curriculum' as the subject eg: the school curriculum should focus on ...].

3) 'international cultures' would refer to the common elements, eg the common threads of European literature which transcend national boundaries

4)In my opinion,[redundant filler: we know it is your opinion] the idea to strengthen[wrong preposition] our students’ knowledge with[wrong preposition] more local[needs another hyphen here] topic-related subjects is extremely[non-gradable adjective] essential.

5) People have to keep themselves more fastened [poor word choice: ]to their traditions,

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*+to+their+traditions&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Baccording%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BAccording%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btrue%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfaithful%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BTrue%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bclung%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcontrary%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Battached%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcling%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcredit%20to%20their%20traditions%3B%2Cc0

6) which could be systematically achieved by implementing [including] such subjects in our students’ curriculum.

This would definitely enforce[reinforce] the connection of youngsters[old-fashioned word]

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/youngster

7) with their ancestors, and would therefore result in a more reliable and trustworthy community. For instance, studying history and philosophy in a progressive school environment would increase the whole society’s sense of purpose and self-esteem. [but why do you believe this? explain]

8) 'foreign cultures' [sounds as if we are in the biology laboratory]

9) -> the school curriculum favoured ... : the topic of the whole essay is 'the national school curriculum': use it as the subject of the sentence and gain cohesion, substituting 'it' in the following sentences.

The school curriculum would be strengthen by ... It would help people to remain in contact with ... It would reinforce their .... If the school curriculum included ..., it would ...

10) Furthermore, I would also argue that [redundant filler]focusing on overseas subjects would be pointless. Learning such subjects would not help any local society to prosper or flourish,[why not? You must give your reasons or explain the mechanism or logic of your assertions: can you be sure this would happen in all cases: if not then you are over-generalizing which will drag your score down] and might, in contrast, create for children a negative unconscious willing [attitude] towards their native countries.[I don't see how: explain how this works] This would likely lead to casting local traditions aside, and replacing it by unusual and abnormal ones. For example, children who are inherited [descended] from some Indian tribes may find themselves by [in time] the time imitating foreign cultures and habits, such as person’s external appearance,[do you mean clothing? ] and [result in ] the disappearance of their native languages. Consequently, if this would indeed happen, small countries could lose its [their]identities and traditions, [so what? Why does this matter? ] and may even collapse.[explain the logic here: it is a seemingly wild and unsupported assertion]

MIAALY


11) the defiance of doing so -> and not to do so

Banding: sorry I don't do bands, although I play in one. But definitely between 5 and 9. ;=))

Vishaal
[]
1) In my opinion,[redundant wording] teaching teenagers about their country’s past and literature have[subject/verb agreement] many benefits.

2) Firstly, students would be benefited [please, please find out how to use this verb correctly] by the knowledge of cultural identities, traditional values of national heroes. For example, many famous management institutes or schools are teaching the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi ‘The story of my experiments with truth’ for management lessons. [Why teach them how to get yourself assassinated? Where is the benefit in that? Or is it about how to conduct passive resistance against the current regime? That would not stabilize a country.]

Secondly, since literature reflects the history of the particular nation, it is important to make children aware of the sacrifices and heroic deeds of their national heroes. [Circular argument: history is good, so teach it. Also, children need to learn how best to cope with the future, which may be very different from the past. There is no guarantee that old ideas will be of any benefit to them. Should we go back to rule by Maharajahs? What did they know about air traffic control? What do the Vedas say about irrigation rights? Is that really the answer to overpopulation, terrorism, and environmental issues? What does the story of Lord Shiva cutting off his son Ganesh's head say about domestic violence and the status of women? What does it teach us about conserving the elephant population and treating them well? What about the poor elephant who lost his head? And his grieving elephant parents? Why teach all this?]

This learning would be beneficial for developing moral codes, ethical values and good qualities in the students.[Explain how this works: just because Gandhi was a great man, does not mean I am going to imitate him ! ]

Finally, it would be helpful to the juveniles for [grammar error here] becoming better citizens in the future. [unsupported assertion: explain how]

MIAALY

correction: The school curriculum would be strengthened by

brainstorming
paragraph 2

- Teaching national history so that children can understand the world they live in
- Make connections between their lives and the lives of people in the past, especially historical topics related to famous people.
- Every country has its own history, that is an explanation of why things are the way they are today.
- Get more understanding their ancestry and origin as well as develops an appreciation for what they have in present.

Paragraph 3
- there are lots of arguments about the reasons for teaching national history. People say we are living in the society for diversity, need to understand other countries’ history, but before knowing other countries history, need to know well their own big historical events that have impact on people life from the past to the present
- Imagine that a society with no one knew any history, no memory about the past
- Teaching national history enable man (especially our children) to understand the society of the past so that they know particular events, characters, subsequently have an overview
- Finally they develops respect for diversities, a sense of global citizenship and become active and informed citizens.

@Oleg

Thanks for the good suggestions!
IELTS is the English test and nor General knowledge test. Why are we focusing on the logic of the ideas? Can we fake out ideas with good English and appropriate progression?

@ Vishaal

Band 7 states: logically organizes information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout

Also: presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to
overgeneralize and/or supporting ideas may lack focus

For Band 8 you would need:
presents a well-developed response to the question with relevant, extended and supported ideas

Simon's comments here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/09/ielts-advice-about-task-response.html

paul:

1) To avoid paraphrasing the question twice, I would make your introduction just one sentence beginning: While it has been argued that ... , I believe that ....

[]
2) There are several reasons why children should pay less attention on [wrong preposition] oversea's [overseas is an adjective] knowledge [perhaps culture]. Firstly, [missing article] school curriculum is already filled with history unit [plural? ], as well as ... Secondly.[punctuation error]many children show no interest in outside world.[punctuation] global's [global is an adjective] history and literature will not benefit the children [punctuation] If they are reluctant to get themselves involved in these units, and it would be wrong if force them to do so.[explain why: surely it might be a good idea to open up their minds to the outside world] Finally, history in many countries was full of civil wars, and tragedies. This may educate children to solve problems by resorting to violence. [That depends on how history is taught; whether it is a subject for discussion and evaluation, or just propaganda dictated by the government of the day]

On the other hand, by educating the [which children are you specifically referring to? unneeded article] children [missing preposition] their own country's literature and history will benefit the country in the long run. Children will [become] proud of their country by knowing their literature book and history. For example, Shakespeare has been [is] worldwide known [known worldwide] for his literature [literary works/plays] work. This will pose [have] a positive impact on Children [why capitalized? ] by teaching them, and may lead them to become
[missing article] next Shakespeare in future. Also, by studying the [no article required: it means history in general] history, it lets children to [grammar error] know their country's past. It will motive them to study or work hard to construct their country for better when they grow up if knowing their past history was poor, and left behind. [Or not: how can you predict their future behaviour or know what is to come? ]

-> spending time

It is thought by some that for children, compared with learning the literature and history of other countries, learning about their own countries’ literature and history is more essential. In my opinion, while globalisation is making the literature and history in other countries as equally important as our own countries, it is more important for children to learn their own countries’ literature and history.

Firstly, that children learn about their own countries’ literature and history is vital to the inheritance of a country’s culture and value. No matter where people are, what people’s skin colour is and what race people belong to, delivering their own countries’ literature and history to new generations is playing a big role in the development of human society. Therefore, to some extent, it is ridiculous that a country’s children or new generations would not actively learn about their own country’s culture, history, language, custom and etc., not to mention ditching what they should learn to spend more time to learn other countries’ items mentioned above.

Secondly, learning about their own literature and history would make children feel easier, interested and useful. After all, for young children, learning something which they could often see, touch and feel in their own countries is more feasible and effective than learning those things existing in faraway other countries. For example, compared with the historical incident, the independence war of the United States, Many Chinese children would have more interested in learning about the lifestyle in Qin dynasty or the establishment of new China, after all, the latter two things seem to be more down-to-earth to them.

In conclusion, while there is a trend that an increasingly large number of people are realizing the importance of the literature and history in other countries as the speed of the development of the globalisation is faster, it is still more important for children to learn about their own countries’ literature and history.

he li

1) I would question whether your first sentence (with all the repetition involved) adds anything to your essay. The same applies to the phrase "in my opinion", which seems redundant. Why not just start from "while" onwards? Then at least we only repeat "literature and history" twice.

2) You are undermining your own argument. If globalization demands a familiarity with foreign cultures, then surely that must have priority, and it cannot be more important to learn one's own.

3) From a grammar standpoint, rephrase the third sentence to start: Firstly, it is vital for children to learn ... values. However, this whole sentence adds nothing to your argument, and merely repeats what has gone before, so is best eliminated.

4) passing their.... on to the next generation plays a key role

'big' is often informal.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=plays+a+*+role&case_insensitive=on&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cplays%20a%20%2A%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20major%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20key%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20significant%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20central%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20crucial%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20vital%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20critical%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20dominant%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20decisive%20role%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bplays%20a%20large%20role%3B%2Cc0

'playing a big role in the development of human society. ' Does it really? This assertion needs support. There are some skills that are important, but I would suggest history as such does not play a key role. It is up to you to convince me (and the examiner).

The question does not imply that 'local' language and culture should not be taught: it is couched in terms of priorities and balance, not black and white. Why is it ridiculous? Please explain.

Secondly...other countries... 'seem more down-to-earth' to them. I could equally well argue that foreign history is more interesting and exciting. Would not some children be more interested in the USA? If so, you are over-generalizing. Just because you would like it to be true, does not make it true.

Conclusion again undermines itself as per introduction.

It is widely known that global history and literature are as important as national ones. Some argue that national history and literature play a more pivotal role in teching children, personally, I totally agree with this statement, as now will be explained.

The first reason is that children can broaden their horizons from national literature and history. Admittedly, literature is considered as a means of reflecting current affairs at the time when artworks were launched publicly. Children are likely to have a deeper understanding of society in the past, that is to say, it is possible for children to comprehend culture, thinking and reasons why everything is existing until today.

Another reason that children should be taught national literature and history rather than foreign ones is to instill their love for the country that they live. Learning national history helps children feel a sense of patriotism. Children are taught about unpalatable truth of wars against outside intruders, which makes them pay tribute to their ancestors' sacrifice and treasure their lives they have today.

Finally, national history and literature helps children feel a sense of national identity. This gives children an insight into their traditional values. For instance, S-Vietnam is a short documentary about Vietnamese history. This program shows us dynasties and the development of the country in each stage, which helps children gain more knowledge through historical events. Therefore, children not only receive an all-around education but also are conscious of the importance of perserving their country's culture.

In conclusion, national history and linterature is the priority to teach children because of the aforementioned reasons.

@ Oleg
Thanks! Got you!

Huong
[]
1) It is widely known [Where is your evidence for this? ] that global history and literature are as important as national ones. Some argue that national history and literature [should? ] play a more pivotal role in teching [spelling] children,[google run-on sentence or comma-splice: this needs to be a full-stop/period, or possibly a colon] personally, I totally agree with this statement[I'm lost already: which statement are you referring to? ], as now will be explained[redundant: it is obvious, even to me. ].

2) Admittedly,[nice word but wrong choice in the context: it works to introduce a concession in the same way as 'although' except that it is an adverb starting a new sentence.] literature is considered as a means of reflecting current affairs at the time when artworks were launched publicly.[-> literature tends to reflect opinions and culture at the time of publication.]
Children are likely to have a deeper understanding of society in the past[of past society],[run-on] that is to say, it is possible for children to comprehend culture, thinking and reasons why everything is existing until today.[-> comprehend the background story behind the development of modern culture, thinking, and attitudes]

3) ...should be taught national, rather than foreign, literature and history is to instill in them a love for their own country. [A highly manipulative nationalistic agenda! True education is not indoctrination. Why not teach them to think and decide for themselves instead?] Learning national history helps children feel a sense of patriotism.[Why do they need that? Does it not simply create prejudice and the sort of attitudes that can lead to war?] Children are taught about [missing article] unpalatable truth of wars against outside intruders, which makes them pay tribute to their ancestors' sacrifice [better: the sacrifices of the previous generation] and treasure the lives they have today. [The past war has nothing to do with the new and entirely different challenges facing today's generation. How will being stuck in the attitudes of their grandparents help them deal with their future? ]

4) preserving: spelling

5) It would be better to somehow summarize your reasoning in the conclusion, rather than simply referring back with "for the aforementioned reasons".

I would argue that there are more benefits than drawbacks if we teach children literature and history of their own country rather than teach the young one world history.
- Firstly, every country has its own history, that is an explanation of why things are the way they are today. Hence, boys and girls need national history the most. They consider how the past influences the present, make connections between their lives and the lives of people in the past, especially historical topics related to famous people. In studying history, the pupil finds evidence, weigh it up and finally reach their own conclusions. As they do this, children can understand the world they live in and get more understanding their ancestry and origin as well as develops an appreciation for what they have in present. No wonder so many historians are calling attention in teaching literature and history in schools, government needs to make clear that we need to secure the place of history and literature in schools by using in a number way to which make pupils find history lessons more interesting.

- People say that we are living in the society for diversity, therefore we need to understand other countries’ history. However, let’s try and imagine what everyday life would be like in a society in which no one know any national history, no memory about the past, as a result society without memory, without self knowledge would be a society adrift. Furthermore, history is the establishment of facts and socially constructed. A man with his mastery of the society of the past can enlarge the world’s overview knowledge and make a major step toward develop respect for diversities, a sense of global citizenship and become active, informed citizens.
- In conclusion, it is obviously true that learners especially children who master local history can easily get more knowledge of historical sources of other countries.

Nowadays, many countries have the school curriculums for students to study both domestic and international history and culture. I completely agree with the idea that to learn our national literature and history is more significant than to learn the past of other nations.

There are several reasons why teenagers should read books and study the history of their own countries. Firstly, as a member of the society, children have the duty to know the origin of their own civilization and the evolution process of the country. For example, for those countries that were invaded by others, teenagers have a responsibility to remember how hard the predecessors worked to liberate the nation and found an independent country. Secondly, literature and history of our nation is a kind of mirror which can reflect the positive and negative sides of the country development and play an important role on preventing people from making the same mistakes their ancestors had made before. Finally, learning knowledge of our own country can help people improve the self-confidence of our nation as it displays the success former people had achieved.

On the contrary, the literature and development process of other countries is not as essential as we imagine. On the one hand, most people will not leave their country when they are children or even after they grow up. Learning other countries’ culture makes no sense in their daily lives and also has no positive impact on their personal development in the long term. On the other hand, the experience of other countries’ development may not suitable for our children as we have different growth environment, tradition, and mode of thinking with foreigners.

Therefore, I believe that we should emphasize on teaching children the history of our own nation rather than paying too much attention to other countries’ stories.

Khe, Thank you so much.

In my opinion, this question, in fact, is incomplete. some people think children should do things like that, but why? There is no reason. I think it is so natural for adults and children to learn about their own countries' history or culture or anything. but why do some people still stress this? The reason is that so many changes the globalisation brings to us. Yes, The globalisation is amazing, but are all the things it gives us right? so maybe my points are not strong, or even weak, but I don't undermine my points, because my logic is that globalisation is not always right at all.

he li

Understood. There is good and bad on both sides: nothing is black and white, just different shades of grey. However Band 7 requires you to "present a clear position throughout the response", so somehow we have to have a stance that is not too wishy-washy, or as Simon says "nuanced", so that it comes across to the examiner clearly.

Some people said that introduce and explain literature and history of their own country in childhood is better than teach books and past era of other countries. I agree on the first one that reading their own past gives good impact. The reasons can be seen below.
Children should read books of their country to engage with their motherland. If children understand about their origin, they will proud on the country. For example, remembering names of national heroes gives positif impact to character building. Children understand the struggle to escape from invasion of other country. Theor heroes sacrifice life and money in order to have independent country. Other example is They will contribute to the country as well. Moreover, the great history of their ancestor can rise their self confident. In the next era, when children become country’s leader, they will not underestimate and have bargaining position.
In contrary, we can not get significant benefit from other nation books and history. It is not relevant with our experience as a nation. We face different condition. For example, Europe country experienced industrial revolution and renaissance, but for Indonesian, they do not meet those problem, and vise versa. Books and literatures undirectly shape our mind and act. When we have problems, it should be solved by solution related with our experience. Different situation generates people to response differently. For Indonesia, it is better to consume material that contain their history. It will shapes their world of view.
To conclude, I strongly agree children must be tought their history than other. And they should read literature about themself rather than foreign books. Of course, it is not a sin if someone wants to read about other, but the proportion should be fewer than read history and literature of their own country.

Hang

1) The question is not an 'either/or' one. It just says one is 'more important' than the other, not that one should be taught exclusively and the other not at all. It would be difficult to teach Chinese history without explaining where the Manchu, or Europeans came from, and why, or the connections along the Silk Road, or what drove all these things. Even if we confine ourselves to the flow of ideas, we would need to explain the arrival of Christianity, and later Islam, and then Communism in China. Perhaps there are also examples in agriculture and in the history of the environment too.

2)... and gain/acquire more understanding of their ancestry and origin as well as developing an appreciation for what they have at present.[OR in the present] No wonder so many historians are calling attention in [wrong preposition] teaching literature and history in schools,[run-on sentence] government needs to make [it] clear that we need to secure the place of history and literature in schools by using in a number of ways to which make pupils find history lessons more interesting.

3) Do not start each paragraph with a hyphen.

4) People say that we are living in the society for diversity [in a diverse, multicultural, multi-ethnic society], [run-on sentence] therefore we need to understand other countries’ history. However, let’s [no short forms in essays and other writing] try and imagine what everyday life would be like in a society in which no one know any national history, [ missing verb] no memory about the past, [run-on sentence] as a result society without memory, without self knowledge would be a society adrift. [or alternatively a society without prejudice ?? ] Furthermore, history is the establishment of facts and socially constructed. [There are no 'facts' in history. History is written by the victors, who often twist the truth for propaganda purposes, and destroy any evidence that does not suit them. 'Taiping' are good people because it suits the current mainland regime. Whereas the regime in a certain offshore island...] A man with his mastery of the society of the past [of past/bygone society] can enlarge the world’s overview [overall?] knowledge and make [take] a major step toward develop [grammar error] respect for diversities, a sense of global citizenship and become [an] active, informed citizens [A man -> a citizen: be consistent]. [This section seems to favor learning world history, and consequently undermines your position as stated in the introduction: your stance must be consistent and clear throughout if you wish to achieve Band 7. Too much shilly-shallying undermines your own argument.]

5) In conclusion, it is obviously true [patently obvious: it is patently obvious that the world is flat, and that the sun goes round the earth: yet, according to the scientists, it is not true at all. ] that learners especially children who master local history can easily get more knowledge of historical sources of other countries. [You have not mentioned this line of argument in the body paragraphs or introduction before. You must not introduce new material into the conclusion, which must only summarize the arguments and position already laid out in the preceding paragraphs.Otherwise it is not a conclusion at all. ]

Hi Simon,
While you keep placing importance on not using memorised phrases for some reasons, I keep seeing essays that received a band score 7 in which lots of memorised phrases can be found. Take a look at this essay below. While I tried to apply all your advice in my essay, and refused to use any memorised and some strange words at the same time, I took a band score 6. Could you please analyse these two essays if you agree with these scores that has been given?

Some psychologists believe that to overcome stress, it is important to spend some time doing nothing productive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

First essay (band score: 7):
Being one of the most proliferated known psychic issues of modern societies, anxiety is a topical debate in numerous scientific gatherings. Some specialists subscribe to the belief that pausing any productive activity for a while during a day, is of paramount importance to remedy this situation. I, for one, opine that this approach, although plausible, may not be beneficial for everybody.

Admittedly, it is correct to assum that in many cases what leads to stress is being overly obsessed with one’s occupation and duties. Thus, occasionally taking a break from those may mend the sufferer’s mind and body. Not only this approach has proven to be of use in many cases, but also there is an essay written bu Bertrand Russell, one of the most distinguished sociologists of the 19th century, arguing that this methode may even increase an individual's capacity during work-hours.

On the other hand, this is not to be prescribed for everybody due to the diversity which reigns the society. Ignoring people's divergences is an utter mistake when it comes to facing psychological disorders. In some cases, doing absolutely nothing fruitful is what aggravates anxiety issue, taking it to more complicated levels. In this case, numerous studies have stated that perfectionists feel the urge to do something productive even during their leisure time, otherwise they may experience guilt and unease. So for this fraction of population we may seek other solutions. It is also worth noting that doing nothing puts a person behind his schedule piling his tasks,resulting in even more mental pessure and anxiousness when coming back to chores.

To recapitulate, personally I believe an occasional pause of all preoccupations during the day, may be a plausible cure to stress for certain people, while insisting that in another group this may trigger even more sever types of anxiety. As a result, I think of this approach as a partly effective one and not applicable to the whole society.

Second essay (band score: 6):
Many believe that stressful lifestyle is the product of running for making goals come to reality. In my thought-through point of view, stress needs to be dealt effectively with based on knowing what the reasons are.

In the modern age, most of humans are putting efforts into making great progress in some aspects of their life, such as pursuing academic goals or making more and more money. Although making ways is a must for one who is expected to grow, they should make balance between their goals, strengths and weaknesses, and abilities. For example, if a worker wants to purchase a luxurious car, he should place himself under too much pressure for a long period of time as his salary cannot back him up. Therefore, going beyond to what he is able, anxiety would be inevitable. Also, if a person shoulders huge responsibilities in a limited amount of time, this might lead to great stress. The reason is that he dedicates himself to one aspect of his life so much that he could hardly handle other aspects at the same time.

However, the way people dispose of their problems and the lifestyle are the key factors in tackling worry. Some of us feel considerable concern in our life only because we do not try as well as we are advised. For example, a student would not feel relaxed at the night before the test unless he studied during the semester. Furthermore, having portfolio career and being too busy to ease the stress, in turn, might be considered as a cause of stress. For instance, consider an engineering professor who has two or three classes in a university in a day should handle his works as an engineer in his company. He definitely needs some time away from his workplace to reduce stress.

In conclusion, I partly agree with the idea that while being away from what is stressful is sometimes prudent to cope with stress, this advice cannot come in useful in all the cases.

Tracy:

1) It is quite hard to find examples "Nowadays" coming at the start of the sentence where the author has a definitely English-sounding name.

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22nowadays%22&lr=lang_en&tbs=lr:lang_1en&tbm=bks&ei=vgicW4e5J8-A8QWws6-IBA&start=100&sa=N&biw=1264&bih=954&dpr=1

It might be better to move it to later in the sentence or use one of the other phrases on the graph below:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Nowadays%2CIn+today%27s+world%2CIn+the+world+today%2CIn+modern+society%2CIn+today%27s+society%2CIn+present-day+society%2Cnowadays%2Cin+today%27s+world%2CAt+the+current+time&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CNowadays%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20today%20%27s%20world%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20the%20world%20today%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20modern%20society%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20today%20%27s%20society%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20present%20-%20day%20society%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cnowadays%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cin%20today%20%27s%20world%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CAt%20the%20current%20time%3B%2Cc0

2) -> Either:The school curriculum in many countries today dictates that students study ...
OR
In many countries today, the national school curriculum includes history and culture, both domestic and international.

3)-> ..with the idea that the emphasis should be on learning our own national literature and history as opposed to taking a more global approach.
[]
4) .. children have the duty [according to whom? ]

5) ...the evolution [development] process of the country. For example, for those countries that were invaded by others, teenagers have a responsibility to remember how hard the predecessors worked to liberate the nation and found an independent country. [why? why bother? In what way would this enhance their ability to solve the problems of the future? ]

6) Secondly, literature and history of our nation is a kind of mirror which can reflect the positive and negative sides of the country development and play an important role on preventing people from making the same mistakes their ancestors had made before. [ Equally, learning history has so far utterly failed to prevent fresh wars and conflicts from breaking out. One could even argue that it is only since the advent of education for the masses that we have had global conflicts. The truth might be that the history agenda is manipulated by governments around the world to stoke the flames of nationalism and thus unwittingly provides the tinder for new wars. Nationalistic propaganda is the precursor of war's outbreak, and the history curriculum is just a long fuse to bloodshed, bereavement, and grief. Remembering and glorifying our fallen heroes just kick starts the whole bloody business all over again.]

On the contrary,... with foreigners. [What about globalization? ]

...we should emphasize on teaching ...

Kami:

1)https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/psychic
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=psychic+issues%2Cpsychological+issues&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cpsychic%20issues%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpsychological%20issues%3B%2Cc0

-> psychological issues

2) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=issues+of+modern+societies%2C+issues+of+modern+society&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cissues%20of%20modern%20society%3B%2Cc0

-> issues of modern society

3) anxiety is a topical issue for debate

4) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADP+scientific+gatherings&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADP%20scientific%20gatherings%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bat_ADP%20scientific%20gatherings%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bof_ADP%20scientific%20gatherings%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bin_ADP%20scientific%20gatherings%3B%2Cc0

5) https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=+while+during+*+day&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cwhile%20during%20the%20day%3B%2Cc0 -> a while during the day,

...is of paramount importance to remedy this situation. [referencing unclear: poor cohesion: what situation? Scientific gatherings? ]

6) A controversial usage: "Opine has been around since the 15th century, and while it certainly is not a rare word today, not everyone is inclined to take it seriously. Commentators have described it as a stilted word, appropriate only in facetious use - and it does have an undeniable tendency to turn up in humorous writing."

'Opine' is now more common in fiction, presumably used ironically.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=opine%2Copine%3Aeng_fiction_2012&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Copine%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Copine%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0

7) Admittedly, it is correct to assum [spelling] that in many cases what leads to stress is being overly obsessed with one’s occupation and duties.[I had to read this twice to get the grammar: it is poorly phrased as 'is being overly obsessed' reads as if it is present continuous passive, rather than a copula plus passive gerund.]

8) Thus, occasionally taking a break from those [unclear referencing: poor cohesion: I have no idea what "those" refers to.]

9) Not only this approach has proven to be of use in many cases, [grammar error: negative adverbs at start of sentence require inverted word order: -> Not only has this approach proven...]

10) but also there is an essay written bu[spelling] Bertrand Russell, one of the most distinguished sociologists of the 19th century, arguing that this methode[spelling]

Kami, at this rate of error, we are not headed for Band 7.

khe
thank you for your time

Jojo:

1) In the exam, leave a blank line between paragraphs so that they are obvious to the examiner.
[]
2) Some people said that introduce[grammar] and explain[grammar][missing article] literature and history of their own country in childhood is better than teach[grammar] books and [missing article] past era of other countries. I agree on [better: with] the first one that reading [missing preposition] their own past gives [wrong verb][missing article] good impact. The reasons can be seen below.

Children should read books of their country to engage with their motherland. If children understand about their origin, they will proud on [wrong preposition] the country. For example, [missing article ]remembering names of national heroes gives [wrong verb] [missing article] positif [spelling] impact to [wrong preposition] character building. Children understand the struggle to escape from [missing article] invasion of other country. The heroes sacrifice [tense] life and money in order to have [missing article] independent country.

Other example is They [erroneous capitalization] will contribute to the country as well. Moreover, the great history of their ancestor [singular/plural] can rise['raise' is the transitive verb] their self confident[noun/adjective]. In the next era, when children become [missing determiner] country’s leader, they will not underestimate [missing object] and have [missing article] bargaining position.

In [wrong preposition] contrary, we can not get [informal] [missing determiner] significant benefit from other nation [possessive? ] books and history. It is not relevant with [wrong preposition] our experience as a nation. We face different condition [singular/plural]. For example, Europe country experienced industrial revolution and renaissance, but for Indonesian [singular/plural], they [who or what?] do [now? tense] not meet those problem [singular/plural], and vise versa. ....

Jojo, I would strongly recommend that you find a local teacher who can help you clean up some basic grammar issues. It is a general English issue, not an IELTS issue, and good general English teacher is what you need, rather than an IELTS specialist. There is much improvement needed, and months of hard work ahead, if you are to obtain a Band 7 score. Anyway that is my impression.
My best advice, be strong and persistent.

I do not see that it matters too much whether the curriculum focuses on world history or one's own. I think it is important to learn at least one foreign language and the literature and culture that goes with it, again in addition to one's own in order to provide some perspective.

It is hard to appreciate the strengths, weaknesses, and peculiarities of one's own culture without some benchmark for comparison. The aim of this part of the school curriculum would not simply be to study foreign literature, but more to provide a view of one's own society and culture from the outside inward, to see it as others do, and to evaluate it as an outsider would.

As far as history is concerned, this facet of the school curriculum should be about researching the evidence and building an evidence-based view of past events. It should also be about things that matter. It is of no benefit to know the dates for each and every emperor, and who overthrew whom. What matters is how society and agriculture changed over time, how invaders were assimilated, how indigineous people were enslaved or treated, how peasants revolted and whether they succeeded, how common land was stolen, what the industrial revolution meant for the masses, and how they were beguiled into fighting "for their country". For example, events in India in 1857 can be viewed as either a mutiny and rebelliion, and the perpetrators guilty of treason, or as heroes of the restistance to foreign invaders. There are always two sides to every story and the purpose of the history curriculum is to encourage children to weigh up both sides.

In conclusion, I feel the question is mis-directed and couched in the wrong terms. The right question would be about what exactly the aims of the school curriculum would be in these areas, what the desired outcomes are, and how to go about it. In this context it is not important whether the emphasis is on home or abroad.

FROM SIMON:

I'm afraid I don't have time to comment on all of the writing in the comments above. I just wanted to say something about the "band 7" essay in Kami's comment (about six comments above this one).

Kami,

I've seen essays like that one before. I imagine it was written by a English teacher, but not a native speaker - a native English speaker would never write like that.

The simple comment that I wanted to make was this:

If that essay was given a band 7, it achieved that score in spite of the memorised phrases, not because of them. The funny thing is that the person who wrote that essay could probably get an even higher score if he or she stopped showing off! I could easily take that essay, simplify it, remove the memorised phrases, update some of the archaic vocabulary that it contains, and turn it into a band 9!

Kami

Some psychologists believe that to overcome stress, it is important to spend some time doing nothing productive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Stress is indeed quite the bane of modern city living, and there are many adherents of meditation and similar practices, which may be a part of the solution. I do agree that time spent sitting around doing nothing may work for some people, but, in general, I believe that there is room for a more active approach as well.

Work-related stress is usually the big offender, and simply taking appropriate breaks, and holidays to rest and rehabilitate is an important part of the answer. One returns revitalized and refreshed to the fray. In some cases, the stress is not about work, but comes from living with the mother-in-law or some such reason. But the same applies. Some time off may provide a better perspective and new impetus for change.

However, meditation or lying on the beach is not necessarily for everyone. More physical activities such as walking in the countryside, sport, dancing, gardening, or home renovation, and more artistic activities such as painting, playing in a band, singing in a choir, or just having a small hobby with balsa wood, or carving, often work just as well. It is about relaxing the mind, and turning it toward something other than work that counts.

In my view, it is very much a matter of 'horses for courses', and each to his own, following their own interests to get away from the hurly-burly rough-and-tumble of day-to-day living and stress, so I do not agree that just doing nothing is the one best way forward.
(250+ words)

Just some thoughts: what band would you give it?

Thank you Simon and Fruzsi for your attention and consideration. Also, I wish I could have some helpful comments on my essay (essay band 6) as I am eager to improve it. Thank you again Simon for your time.

Fruzsi
Thank you for asking me to score your essay, but let me say that I am not in a place to score any essay. To me, scoring needs either a native English teacher or a band 9 essay writer who is an advanced English user. I hope I could do it one day.

Kami

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_VERB%3D%3Egoals%2C*_VERB%3D%3Eambitions&year_start=1900&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bare_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bachieve_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bset_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bachieving_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwere_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhave_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Baccomplish_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Breach_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmeet_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbe_VERB%3D%3Egoals%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bhad_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwere_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhave_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bare_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhas_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsatisfy_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Brealize_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfurther_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bachieve_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Brealized_VERB%3D%3Eambitions%3B%2Cc0

->It often seems that today's stressful lifestyle is a by-product of running around striving to achieve goals and realize ambitions.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=considered+*_NOUN&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cconsidered%20%2A_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bconsidered%20part_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20opinion_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20judgment_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20Mr._NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20nothing_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20evidence_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20something_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20representative_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20plan_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsidered%20members_NOUN%3B%2Cc0

-> It is my considered opinion that stress can only be dealt with effectively if we know exactly what the underlying factors (stressors) are. [Note word order]

Para #2:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=In+the+modern+age%2CIn+today%27s+world%2C+In+the+modern+world&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2CIn%20the%20modern%20age%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20today%20%27s%20world%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20the%20modern%20world%3B%2Cc0

In today's world, most of humans [using 'humans' makes it sound like a biology lesson or archeological dig: 'families' would do here] are struggling to make progress in some aspects of their life, such as pursuing academic goals or making more and more money. [money vs the pursuit of happiness and contentment]

Para #3 The answer, however, lies in seeking a better life balance, or work/life balance. .... cannot back him up[->support the outlay OR ... for lack of finance/ lead to financial stress].

However, the way people dispose of their problems [->deal with their issues] and the lifestyle are the key factors in tackling worry. Some of us are under intense pressure from family and friends and social expectations to achieve and succeed in a strongly competitive society.
Overwork, long hours, and becoming a workaholic are other causes or symptoms of stress.

Just some ideas

I tried to write on the essay topic discussed by the kami in the above posts. Can anyone please check my essay, suggest changes and rate it for improvements. Thanks!

Some psychologists believe that to overcome stress, it is important to spend some time doing nothing productive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Psychology experts differ in understanding relating to stress reduction. To a certain extent I agree with the idea that time spent doing nothing important may benefit for stress reduction, however, I also believe that various active approaches might be helpful in alleviating mental burden (or freeing our minds).
.
To begin with, the work-related pressure is largely observed as the reason for stress among the people. To overcome this, some psychologists suggest for taking a break from official responsibilities and spending free time with family, friends, and relatives for resting and mental rehabilitation. But, the stress is not always related to the work. In some cases, people may feel stress because of family disputes or breakup of the relationship. In such situations, stress cannot be overcome by just spending time in unimportant activities.

On the other hand, I also believe that various active measures could be beneficial in overall stress reduction. Firstly, multiple studies on PubMed reveals that increases in physical activities, such as jogging or sprinting, have a positive effect on relieving stress. For instance, one study conducted by Dr. Vishaal shows that physiological changes, occurring due to weight training, lead to the release of the anti-stress hormone responsible for significant stress reduction in more than 50 volunteers. Secondly, artistic activities such as painting, dancing, singing, playing musical instruments and others work well in eliminating stress. Finally, it is many times observed that any activity which diverts our attention from the source of stress has shown the positive effect on stress reduction.

All in all, it seems to me that spending time in important activities such as physical training, artistic work, and others has more beneficial effects on stress reduction than just doing non-productive work for hours.

I tried to write on the essay topic discussed by the kami in the above posts. Can anyone please check my essay, suggest changes and rate it for improvements. Thanks!

Some psychologists believe that to overcome stress, it is important to spend some time doing nothing productive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Psychology experts differ in understanding relating to stress reduction. To a certain extent I agree with the idea that time spent doing nothing important may benefit for stress reduction, however, I also believe that various active approaches might be helpful in alleviating mental burden (or freeing our minds).
.
To begin with, the work-related pressure is largely observed as the reason for stress among the people. To overcome this, some psychologists suggest for taking a break from official responsibilities and spending free time with family, friends, and relatives for resting and mental rehabilitation. But, the stress is not always related to the work. In some cases, people may feel stress because of family disputes or breakup of the relationship. In such situations, stress cannot be overcome by just spending time in unimportant activities.

On the other hand, I also believe that various active measures could be beneficial in overall stress reduction. Firstly, multiple studies on PubMed reveals that increases in physical activities, such as jogging or sprinting, have a positive effect on relieving stress. For instance, one study conducted by Dr. Vishaal shows that physiological changes, occurring due to weight training, lead to the release of the anti-stress hormone responsible for significant stress reduction in more than 50 volunteers. Secondly, artistic activities such as painting, dancing, singing, playing musical instruments and others work well in eliminating stress. Finally, it is many times observed that any activity which diverts our attention from the source of stress has shown the positive effect of stress reduction.

All in all, it seems to me that spending time in important activities such as physical training, artistic work, and others have more beneficial effects on stress reduction than just doing non-productive work for hours.

Paragraph 2:
Learning our own national books plays an important role to understand who we really are, early education on this subject build the foundation of one's self-identity and the feeling of belonging. One learns their first language by reading national books, at the same time the poems, folk stories, ancient tales that pass from generation from generation give them the idea of their ancestor's wisdom and experience. Furthermore, to have children learn about national history cultivate pride and patriotism toward their own nation. To give an example, the anti-colonial wars in some countries teach children the lesson that one should bravely fight against unjust ruling class to gain freedom
.

Luna

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=important+role+*_ADP&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cimportant%20role%20%2A_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20in_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20of_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20as_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20for_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20than_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20that_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20during_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20at_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20on_ADP%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimportant%20role%20by_ADP%3B%2Cc0

https://www.google.com/search?tbm=bks&ei=Ou6hW4aaHsyY8QXGrbXACw&q=%22an+important+role+in+understanding%22&oq=%22an+important+role+in+understanding%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3...2742.8886.0.9118.4.4.0.0.0.0.196.771.0j4.4.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.5k6dtxqYEI4

Here is my version. Welcome your comments.

It's argued a lot whether school should put more attention to local literature and history or not. In my opinion, it's priority to study national books and historical events rather than foreign ones.

Local literature and events paly an important role in the life of present citizens. Take my country China as an example, in 20th, China was colonized by western forces because of its isolation from the outside world. Look back to this period of history, pupils will undestand the importance of catching the pace of the world, especially for those who aim to become official administrators or get achievements in business industry. It's better for them to realize the characters of the local environment from the past to the present so as to compete for the benefits of their country and companies.

Let's turn to look at foreign history and events. It's good for children to expand their horizons to study cuch kind of information. However, all these information could be familarized through International News Channel on TV, vacation trips, and friends in another half of globe. Morever, many school provide international exchage study programs where children have the chance know the foreign culture and civilization in its original place. Therefore, it's no need to put great attention on thoese knowledge in home school.

To sum up, focusing on local events and history is a better choice for students in daily curriculum. Leave some time for them to collect forign important news out of class.

Claire

"in 20th, China was colonized by western forces because of its isolation from the outside world": the so-called 'concessions' in mainland China actually date, for the most part, from the nineteenth century. Also the Japanese concessions had nothing to do with the "western forces". See here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concessions_in_China

The same applies to the "treaty ports": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Chinese_treaty_ports

'... China was never exactly fully "colonized" like it's neighbor India by the United Kingdom or Vietnam by the French, it did suffer from Western powers' insistence on unequal trading .... See:
https://www.tripsavvy.com/foreign-concessions-in-historic-china-1494996

Also, these events did not happen because of China's isolation. They happened to other countries too, India, Vietnam, and quite a few more.

At least, that is view that is prevalent in the West.

Claire

1) "It's argued a lot": no contractions or short forms in writing. "A lot" is considered informal and should be avoided in writing.
-> It has been widely argued that ...

2) The easiest way to discuss this topic is to make "the (national) school curriculum" the subject of the sentence.
-> the school curriculum should place more emphasis on ...

3) -> In my opinion, priority should be given to studying national ...

4) -> in the life of citizens today.

5)-> in the nineteenth century ....,

6)-> the importance of staying abreast of global developments and keeping up with modern technology.

7) -> aim to ... achieve success in business and industry.

8) -> It is better for them to understand the nature and development of the local environment ...

9) -> With regard to foreign history and events, it is good ...

10) -> this information could be acquired ....

11) ->Morever, many schools provide international exchange[spelling] study programs where children have the opportunity to become acquainted with foreign culture and civilization in its original setting. Therefore, there is no need to pay great attention to this aspect of their education as part of their local school curriculum.

To sum up, the school curriculum should focus on local events ...

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