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Wednesday, July 18, 2018

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In conclusion, due to reasons mentioned above, I would argue that organizing a same parenting course for mothers and fathers with different family, culture and education background is impractical and unnecessary. another negative aspect of parenting course would be finding skilled and experienced trainers who are authorized by state institutes.

In conclusion, I support the view that the top priority of parents is to care for their children, but I do not see it as applicable to force parents to attend special courses offering guidance on how to achieve better outcomes for their children.


?

In conclusion, taking care of children is not an easy occupation, a test or a course. That is a hard journey with fully challenges, difficulties which parents and their children should overcome together.On the other hand,a good mother or father will probaly know by themself how to bring up their children positively.

Can you help me correct my Conclusion?

In conclusion, despite raising children being a quite a challenge for parents, I disagree with the need for parents attending a mandatory parenting course.

In conclusion, based on the family, friends and society which play important role in child upbringing and its associated consequences, i disagree with the view that parents should be made to undertake a parenting course instead these factors should rather be taken into consideration.

In conclusion , I do not subscribe to the theory that learning how to become a good parent should be made compulsory

In conclusion, although parents need take responsibilities to care for children and that is not easy, we should not compel all of them to take parenting traning courses.

In conclusion , opinions are divided as to whether parents should be made to take parenting courses , but it is my firm conviction that these courses should not be mandatory

In conclusion, despite of having a big responsibility for caring children, it is not mandatory to attend the parenting course to all mothers and fathers.

In conclusion, it is true that the duty and responsibility of parents are the most significant thing, but in my opinion it is not necessarily to oblige all mothers and fathers to come along with a parenting course.

In conclusion, parents are obsessed by bringing up their children and they are the only people who are responsible about choosing the best way to do so.

In conclusion, despite the fact that parenting is undoubtedly a tough task that demands much responsibility, I wholly disagree with the idea of making parenting courses mandatory for all mothers and fathers in the light of reasons mentioned above.

@ jan

Hi, when I first read "I do not subscribe to the theory that..", I thought great ! But then I thought it would be better to use "idea" instead of "theory", because we are not really discussing a theory. So here are some other common choices, which show that "notion", "doctrine", "principle" would be fine too:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=+subscribe+to+the+theory+%2C+subscribe+to+the+*&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Csubscribe%20to%20the%20theory%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Csubscribe%20to%20the%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20view%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20idea%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20theory%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20notion%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20same%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20belief%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20doctrine%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20following%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20principle%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsubscribe%20to%20the%20new%3B%2Cc0

To me, in the context of the question, a theory would involve the following:

1) Aims, goals, and objectives, with appropriate measurable criteria. For instance, if the aim is to produce "better outcomes", we would have to define what that actually means. Does is mean the children are more kind and loving than they would otherwise have been, or more financially successful? And how would we measure that?

So often, in parenting, the opposite is true. Orphans, and children raised in refugee camps, often grow up more resilient, more determined, more proud of their achievements, and perhaps "better" people in spite of, or as a result of all the deprivations of their childhood.

Too much nurturing, and family ties that are too strong, simply undo any attempt at independence and self-reliance. Such people are unable to move away from home in search of a better life because they become homesick.

2) Aims, goals, and objectives cannot simply be couched in terms of outcomes for the children alone. What would be the point of having a wonderful child, if one of the parents dies of Karōshi (過労死) (overwork) in the process, or the other suffers years of mental stress and ill-health as a result of running around after the children and trying to meet their every little need. So we require multiple criteria that cover the whole family.

3) There are many things that are out of the parents' hands and far beyond their control: war, famine, industrial strife, disease, social inequality, lack of social status, a world of haves and have-nots. There is abundant evidence to show that lack of opportunity and barriers to education and advancement have far more impact on the outcomes for children than parenting skills.

4) So a "theory" would have to demonstrate a significant link between parenting styles and outcomes for the family. Making parents attend a parenting skills course is more of a political idea, notion or belief.

Dear Simon,

I am confused by a grammatical question as the grammar book is also not included, which is about the compound sentence. I don't know in what situation should a comma be put on in this kind of sentence. There are some sentences from the grammar book as the following.

-He said his leg hurt, so he could't go out to play.
-She felt so tired so she went to bed early.

Is that according to the writers' feeling?

Thank you!

I look forward to hearing from you.

In conclusion,although parenting a child can be quite demanding for parents.I totally disagree that they must be obliged to follow a course in order to be good parents.

@ June

There is an overview of this here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma#Separation_of_clauses

In English comma is used to help the reader get the phrasing and pause where needed, so this is a good basic principle for you to apply.

Incidentally, "so tired so she went" does not come up on google books, but "so tired that she went" does. The latter is more normal grammar.

@ Ady

"Although" follows the usual punctuation for subordinate clauses:

Either (a) [main clause last]:
Although + Subject + Verb [+ Object + Place + Time] , Subject + Verb [+ Object + Place + Time] .

OR (b) [main clause first]:
Subject + Verb [+ Object + Place + Time] although + Subject + Verb [+ Object + Place + Time].

In version (b), it is possible to put a comma before "although" to divide off the two clauses, but it is usually unnecessary where the main clause comes first.

"parents.I " -> parents, I

In conclusion, even though parents have a duty for nursing and educated their kids on a good method, however, in the reality. mothers and fathers are busy and difficult to piratical.

@ Ady

"must be obliged to ": "must" means the same as "obliged", so this is tautology (repetition).

Note that "disagree" is often followed by "with". See here:

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/disagree

"Disagree with" is far more common than "disagree that":

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=disagree+that%2Cdisagree+with+the+*+that%2Cdisagree+with&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cdisagree%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cdisagree%20with%20the%20%2A%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20statement%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20view%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20idea%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20proposition%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20notion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20conclusion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20assertion%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20claim%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20contention%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdisagree%20with%20the%20fact%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdisagree%20with%3B%2Cc0

-> I totally disagree with the idea/proposition/notion/claim that they must complete a course ...

OR:

-> I totally disagree with them having to complete a course ....

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=with+their+having+to%2C+with+them+having+to&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cwith%20their%20having%20to%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cwith%20them%20having%20to%3B%2Cc0

corrections:
to practical

by the way
how to avoid the command words is how you to paraphrase those verbal related to the topic ?

Hey Simon, can you check whether I have any grammatical mistakes in my sentence for conclusion? thank you in advance!!! :)

*grammar mistakes
typo :p

In conclusion, I can say that although good parenting is essential for kids development, this does not evident that the coaching classes is the only mode for them to inculcate those skills.

Dear friends, I wrote the whole essay on this topic and am desperately looking for a place to check it :)) Please read and give me comment on anything you think I can fix to achieve higher band score. Does anyone know where to get IELTS writings correction? I'm self-learning.

Essay:

It is true that childcare plays a vital role in any country. Therefore, many couples are suggested to take a training course, which aims to provide them with good parenting skills, before having a child. In my opinion, I totally agree with this idea because of the several benefits it can bring to parents and their offsprings.

Firstly, the training course acts as a relief for parenting stress. The transition to parenthood is usually frustrating due to unexpected problems in nursing and educating a newborn. As the child grows up, parents will face a lot of changes in the kid's behaviours, caused by both physical changes, like puberty, and social influence, such as friendship. A well-prepared parent will foresee the challenges, which leads to a less stressful parenthood. They can also be given instructions to figure out a solution whenever a problem arises.

Secondly, children are greatly benefited from their parents' training result. With the good understanding of childcare and children development, parents are able to sympathise with kids' emotions and feelings. This perception helps enrich the family relationships and build a close-knit family, which is the perfect environment to bring up a human being. For instance, adolescents tend to use destructive behaviours, such as smoking and drinking, as a way to prove their maturity and boost their confidence. Without preparation and skills, shocked and angry parents can easily come up with bad solutions, like using corporal punishments on these teenagers to make them obedient, which only result in a severe damage of their self-esteem, as well as ruin the parents-children relationship.

In conclusion, I strongly support the idea of providing a mandatory course for every soon-to-be parents due to its potential for making parenthood stress-free and improving children development.

(289 words)

Thanks Sandi
So how will you rewrite my one? I agree must and obliged are redundant but I was having a hard time thinking for other words for required haha..
I didn't notice that parents.I

I didn't quite get your explanation for although

I totally disagree with..ya it should be with

I'm just reviewing again and I'm trying to be a bit active ,thinking it might help me in my preparation.

In conclusion, I don't think that this is a good idea to demand all parents took a parenting lesson, because it is impractical and unnecessary.

@Klaus
that is informative
thank you mate

Hi Simon,

Do you believe that Task 2 would require you to present an academic writing? If so, could it be much better to use the third person (it, this essay, etc.) rather than the first or second person(I, we, etc.) as the subject?

In conclusion, raising children is a tough and challenging responsibility for parents. In spite of, I completely disagree with the idea that all mothers and fathers have an obligation to attend parenting courses.

hi

@ Curtis

The British Council states : "Write in a formal style in the IELTS Academic Writing test."

Formal does not necessarily mean academic.

Their model answers include phrases such as "I believe":

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_Model_Answers.pdf

There seem to be two reasons why there is no requirement to write in a strictly academic style (despite the term "academic" in the name of the test). One is that IELTS at around Band 7 is commonly used for university entrance purposes and at that stage there is no need to write in a strictly academic way: that is taught at university not before. The other is that IELTS is used for job and immigration purposes where there is no academic style requirement, but there is a requirement to write reports and general formal English.

The other point to consider is that the IELTS writing sample is quite short, too short to fit in an academic abstract or preamble. Most of the "academic" phrases are quite formulaic and would just be memorized by candidates, whereas what is required is to test their genuine, and more general, language ability.

See here:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2016/05/ielts-writing-task-2-ignore-the-word-academic.html

@ Babak

At fifty words your conclusion is perhaps on the long side for an IELTS essay. A conclusion need only restate your point of view and refer to the lines of your argument. So either "for the reasons outlined above" OR pick up the leitmotif "impractical and unnecessary". The second sentence seems to introduce a new point or new material: this is an absolute no-no for the conclusion.

@ Dang Tran Quy duc
Refer to the preceding comments.

Additionally, your version does not state your position. This is most important.

@ Ilkin

"I do not see it as applicable to force parents..." -> I do not see that it logically follows that all parents must attend a special training course ....

In conclusion, although it is a big responsibility and challenge for parents to raise and teach their babies, I still strongly disagree that the parents should therefore be forced to take training that gives them ideas of how to raise their own children.

@ Jay Shah
-> need for parents to attend

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=need+for+*+attending%2Cneed+for+parents+to+*%2Cneed+for+*+to+attend&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Cneed%20for%20parents%20to%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20be%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20have%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20understand%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20take%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20give%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20become%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20make%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20help%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20work%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20parents%20to%20provide%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cneed%20for%20%2A%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20him%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20you%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20them%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20me%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20Maud%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bneed%20for%20her%20to%20attend%3B%2Cc0

@ SAMUEL BOAKYE
This is a complete sentence in itself:
"instead these factors should rather be taken into consideration."

You cannot just tag it on the end of the previous one.

@ Khai Ca Pham

The word "thing" suggests to the examiner that you just do not know the right word.

@ Sophie

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=need+take+responsibilities+to+care%2Cneed+to+take+responsibility+for&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cneed%20to%20take%20responsibility%20for%3B%2Cc0

@ Tran Hien

1) Generally, we suggest something to someone, so we cannot make this verb passive with the person as the subject. We can say "the plan was suggested by X", however.

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/suggest

2) Either "in my opinion" OR "I agree" but not both together.

3) "offspring": no 's': https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/offspring

4) "acts": it is still a hypothetical proposal so use "would act" and conditionals throughout where needed.

5) "kid": not suitable for IELTS: use "child".

6) -> children would greatly benefited as a result of their parents' training.

7) -> With a good understanding

8) sympathise -> empathize

9) in a severe damage of to their self-esteem, as well as ruining

10) parents-children relationship -> parent-child relationships

11) every soon-to-be parents -> every prospective parent

12) children development -> child development

"making parenthood stress-free ": clearly a magical course then !! LOL ROTFLOL

We are all self-learning: I certainly cannot learn it all for you.

Frankly, in my opinion, a parenting skills course is far too late. First, choose your partner carefully: if their family is a bunch of raving alcoholics, then there is a good chance your offspring will be too. Secondly, use your instinct and your nose: if your partner smells good to you (without deodorants) then they may well be a good match genetically.
Just my two cents.

In Conclusion, although being parents are indeed the most essential and difficult career in the world, I still believe that no one ought to be compulsory to join parenting curriculums.

@ Ameet

a) "it is not mandatory ": this is a statement of fact, not your opinion about the proposal. -> it should not be mandatory

b) either "despite having" or "in spite of having": do not mix them up.

c) "big" is far more frequent in fiction than in other books. "Great" less so. But "large" is more common in non-fiction books. "Great" is commonly used with "responsibility", more so than the other two. -> great responsibility
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=big%2Clarge%2Cgreat%2Cbig%3Aeng_fiction_2012%2Clarge%3Aeng_fiction_2012%2C+great%3Aeng_fiction_2012&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cbig%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Clarge%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgreat%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cbig%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Clarge%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgreat%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_ADJ+responsibility&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bown_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bpersonal_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmoral_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfull_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsocial_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bindividual_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgreat_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bprimary_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfinancial_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bheavy_ADJ%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0

d) -> despite bearing the great responsibility of caring for their children, it should not be mandatory for all mothers and fathers to attend a parenting course.

@ kami

"obsessed" implies disapproval:

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/obsess

perhaps: well-occupied in bringing ...

Your conclusion fails to make your own position clear.

Chen-che Hsu

In conclusion, although parenting is undoubtedly a tough task that demands much responsibility, I wholly disagree, for the reasons outlined above, with the idea of making parenting courses mandatory for all mothers and fathers.

1) The usual phrase is : For the reasons outlined above. This phrase needs to go where the brackets are, rather than at the end.

2) despite the fact that : "although" is shorter and less cumbersome.

@sandi
Thank you
I got it.
Coherence.

In conclusion, raising children shouldn't be made more of a challenge to parents and I do not agree to them attending a parenting course.

Or

In conclusion, I do not agree to add parenting course in the challenges to raising children.

@ sim

1) Although "kids" is used in self-help books and popular non-fiction, it is marked as informal, so unsuitable for IELTS:

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/kid

-> child development

2) "this does not evident that" -> there is no evidence that..
OR
it does not follow that

3) "inculcate" is a transitive verb, but not normally used as a substitute for learning.
The graph below shows that "acquire skills" is commoner. It also has the meaning needed.

-> the only mode for them to acquire those skills.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_VERB+%3D%3E+skills&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bdevelop_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bare_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhave_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blearn_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bimprove_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdeveloping_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Buse_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bacquire_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bteach_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bteaching_VERB%3D%3Eskills%3B%2Cc0

@ liu min yu

1) No short forms of verb in writing. don't -> do not

2) this -> it

3) "to demand all parents took " -> to demand (that) all parents take

4) "a lesson" suggests just one class; what is being proposed is a course or series of lessons.

@ beren

"mothers and fathers have " -> should have

-> In spite of this, ...

However, to me, "in spite of" is not quite the right choice here, because you actually agree with the idea that raising children is tough.

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/in-spite-of-something

So something like:

whilst I recognize/accept that raising children is tough ...., I completely disagree with the idea that ....

The real point here is that just because it is tough, does not automatically mean everyone needs a course; they may be well-prepared already. There is no logical connection between the two propositions: it is a non sequitur.

@ Dang Tran Quy duc (and others)

There are three elements to the original question:
1) A premise, or a statement asserting an assumption. Here 'Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society.'

2) A proposition or proposal, or point of view, here: "Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents."

3) The actual question itself: to what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are several ways to address the logic in the question:

a) In a university essay, one might well explore or attack all the underlying assumptions in the question, but the IELTS essay is usually too short to do this properly. For example, agriculture and food supply are more important than raising children.

b) Address the logical connection between the premise and the proposition (the first and second sentences). For instance: just because child-raising is important does not mean we all need a course in it.

c) Address the scope of the proposal: do all parents need a course? Does the course need to be mandatory? Could it not be included in the general school curriculum?

One approach to an IELTS essay is not to question the premise (sentence one), because doing so will come across as going off topic and in the time available it is better to address the question more directly.

So all the following seems redundant in the conclusion: "taking care of children is not an easy occupation, a test or a course. That is a hard journey with fully challenges, difficulties which parents and their children should overcome together." We know all that, it is assumed in the question, and you are only agreeing anyway.

The next sentence says nothing about courses or the proposal at all, or whether they should be mandatory: "a good mother or father will probably know by themselves how to bring up their children positively."

So my take is that your position is unclear and that the question has not been properly answered.

One approach to writing Task 2, is to write a draft of the conclusion first, making sure your conclusion does in fact directly and properly answer the question; and then make sure that everything in your essay leads and steers the reader directly and inescapably toward your conclusion. This "back-to-front" method is worth trying in your preparation. It might work for you.

In conclusion, even if parents could get several challenges in the raising the children, I totally offer that natural instincts from mothers and fathers can support children grow up in the best way.

in conclusion, parents learning how to care children bring more drawbacks than benefits. I still believe that focusing on taking classes is too narrow an approach and would not had the desired results.

@ Li

1) "more drawbacks than benefits": while there is nothing wrong with this phrase where the question is couched in terms of advantages versus disadvantages, it would seem out of place in an essay discussing to what extent you agree or disagree.

If you are going to use it, then the body paragraphs had better be arranged as plus and minus points, and there must be some "weighting" or weighing-up process that has already been discussed.

Otherwise, it may come across to the examiner as a "memorized" phrase that is being used in the wrong context.

Incidentally, according to the public marking scheme writing "memorized" leads toward Band 2 or Band 0.

Simon's advice on this below:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/04/ielts-advice-memorised-language.html

My thinking is that, well, everything you write is to some extent memorized, so you cannot be penalized for that alone. However "filler" phrases or off-topic stuff, and not enough "making-your-point" about the topic at hand will inevitably downgrade your score.

Coherence is crucial to a good result: for Band 6 one must "arrange information and ideas coherently and present a clear overall progression". A generalized formulaic approach will not help in Task 2.

2) "too narrow an approach" is of course a memorized phrase, but it seems very appropriate here, so one would hope that this would contribute to a good score for vocabulary.

Dear Simon,

It maybe a little bit off the topic, but I am wondering if I can write an partially agree essay with this topic.

Is it ok to write something like "Although I agree that taking a parenting course is a good approach, I do not agree that all of the parents should take it because it sounds not very practical"

Thanks!

@Khe, thanks a lot ,I am so glad, my conclusion catch you eye . before a lots of candidate ,they do not have good blog for surfing. only went to some institution. Now luckily, we have IELTS SIMON , this blog help us to know no one is smart and perfect.

Thanks a lot

@ liu min yu

It is not about being smart and perfect. The difference between getting Band 6.5 and Band 7.0 is often simply a matter of (a) reducing grammar errors and (b) improving the quality of your vocabulary.

For example, did you notice that Simon's version uses the phrase "shoulder ... responsibility". This is an idiomatic English phrase. In Russian, the normal phrases are closer to "carry responsibility" or "take responsibility on oneself". It is this difference in idiom which needs to be learnt. Here is the graph for English:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=shoulder%3D%3Eresponsibility%2C*_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%2Ctake+on+a+*+responsibility%2C+carry+%3D%3E+responsibility&year_start=1900&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cshoulder%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bis_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bassume_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhave_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhas_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bwas_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Baccept_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bassumed_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhad_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bbe_VERB%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Ctake%20on%20a%20%2A%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20new%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20greater%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20major%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20great%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20larger%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20certain%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20heavy%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btake%20on%20a%20special%20responsibility%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccarry%3D%3Eresponsibility%3B%2Cc0

And here is the graph for Russian: to see how this works try changing the word to 责 任 or something and changing the corpus to Chinese.
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C&year_start=1900&year_end=2000&corpus=25&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3B%D0%BD%D0%B5%D1%81%D0%B5%D1%82_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BD%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%83%D1%82_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BD%D0%B5%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B8_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%B2%D0%B7%D1%8F%D1%82%D1%8C_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BB%D0%B5%D0%B6%D0%B8%D1%82_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%B2%D1%8B%D1%81%D0%B8%D1%82%D1%8C_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BB%D0%BE%D0%B6%D0%B8%D1%82%D1%81%D1%8F_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%BF%D0%BE%D0%B2%D1%8B%D1%88%D0%B0%D0%B5%D1%82_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%B1%D1%80%D0%B0%D1%82%D1%8C_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%D0%B1%D1%8B%D0%BB%D0%B0_VERB%3D%3E%D0%BE%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D1%82%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B2%D0%B5%D0%BD%D0%BD%D0%BE%D1%81%D1%82%D1%8C%3B%2Cc0

You may need to click on "Search lots of books". I hope you have access to google.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=*_VERB++%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3&year_start=1900&year_end=2000&corpus=23&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3B%E5%B1%A5%E8%A1%8C_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E6%98%8E%E7%A1%AE_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E8%BF%9D%E5%8F%8D_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E8%A6%81_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E5%B0%BD_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E6%98%AF_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E8%A1%8C%E4%BD%BF_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E8%A1%8C_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E6%9C%89_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%E5%88%B0_VERB%20%E8%81%8C%E8%B4%A3%3B%2Cc0

In conclusion, despite the challenges of the responsibility born by parents in terms of raising children. I believe it should be an experience on the go to be learned as a family rather by a coach. Therefore, I do not agree with the notion of compulsory training for parents to raise children.

In conclusion, although the importance of raising children is clear, does not definitely mean that making parenting courses mandatory for every parent is the only solution.

Dear Admin,

Let my try to share what I wrote to join this learning:

In conclusion, to be good parents can be learned from many resources which is not limited by course so an obligation for parents might be not hit the target.

If there was an input, I would be glad.

hi simon,

In conclusion ,child rearing is a liability which needs big effort and sacrifice even so,I am totally against the fact of compelling all mothers and fathers to sit in on parenting course .

To summarize, parents should not be made to undertake mandatory parenting courses despite the importance of being responsible to their children's growth.

Dear Josephina

You can use google books to check whether your phraseology is normal.

1) For instance:

"rearing is a liability" is only used once, and that in relation to bee-keeping:

https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22rearing+is+a+liability%22&num=10

"child-rearing is a long, hard job" would be a better choice:

Alternatively:

"raising children is a duty that cannot be taken lightly"

"Raising children is a large responsibility"

https://www.google.com/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22child-rearing+is+a+long%22&num=10

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22raising%20children%20is%20a%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

2) -> which requires considerable/great/much effort

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=which+needs+big+effort%2Cwhich+needs+a+big+effort%2C*_VERB+effort%2C+*_ADJ+effort&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2C%2A_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bwasted_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcontinuing_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bsustained_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bfishing_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Brequires_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdetermined_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcombined_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bselling_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blobbying_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bincreased_VERB%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bmuch_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgreat_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blittle_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconscious_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconcerted_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmore_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bconsiderable_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bspecial_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmajor_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bhuman_ADJ%20effort%3B%2Cc0

The answers you seek are out there waiting if you learn how to google around for them and use ngrams.

Napoleon

In conclusion, although it is not undoubtedly straightforward to feed and look after children, I have a conviction that it does not mean the necessity of parenting courses in force for parents.

Dear napoleon,

In conclusion,child rearing is a large responsibility which requires considerable effort and sacrifice even so,I am totally against the fact of compelling all mothers and fathers to sit in on parenting course .

Olga.

Dear josephina

1) "child rearing is a large responsibility which requires considerable effort and sacrifice" is okay; perhaps better:
Child rearing is a large responsibility involving considerable effort and sacrifice."

However, it is not a conclusion: it is merely a restatement of the premise (assumption) in the first sentence of the question. So there is no need to put it in the conclusion at all. It says nothing about your position. So all we need is the latter part of your sentence.

2) "totally against the fact of" does not come up on google books, so there must be something wrong with this phrase. The graph below shows "totally against the idea" is the most common phrase, so let us use this:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=totally+against+the+fact+of%2C+totally+against+the+*&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Ctotally%20against%20the%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20idea%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20grain%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20spirit%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20rules%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20use%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20interests%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20law%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20war%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20concept%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Btotally%20against%20the%20teachings%3B%2Cc0

3) "sit in on" does not seem to fit the context: it suggests that the parents will not actually participate in the course. Sometimes a school inspector will "sit in on" a class to see whether the teacher is doing a good job, but the inspector takes no part in the proceedings.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/sit_in_on

3) So something like:

In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above, I am totally against the idea of compelling all mothers and fathers to take a parenting course.

And some light reading:

https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Translation:Napoleon_Bonaparte%27s_Letter_to_Josephine,_Nice,_le_10_germinal

Nap

In conclusion, I accept that parents bear the higher responsibility in raising children, but I do not agree that coaching is the way to overcome this challenge.


Learned a new way to use google & ngms. books/reading were hearty.Thanks alot for the corrections.

Жозефина:

Hard to know exactly what you meant by "hearty". Perhaps "stimulating", "thought-provoking", "interesting", or "useful" ?

oleg,

i inserted a word into a sentence without rethinking.it is my fault.i meant the reading topics were heart touching as it was related to parenthood & love.

In conclusion, it seems reasonabe that all parents should take courses in order to learn about how to take care about children in theory, while I think it is completely unnecessary in reality.

In conclusion, childcare responsibility plays a crucial role in parental life but I personally believe that attending prepared courses is unnecessary.

In conclusion, fathers and mothers could took course before to prepare their future endeavor of becoming the good parents and this could be rationally.

In conclusion, a course of parenthood preparation seems suitable for parents in the modern society, however, its impracticality would definitely make almost every mother and father feel hard to apply in reality

To sum up, while passing the course sometimes guarantee future problem, it was interesting to learn by mistake. Personally, I feel that the course would be unnecessary.

I would appreciate your valuable feedback on the following essay.

Every society values appropriate parenting as children are the building blocks of every major breakthroughs in the community. Some people tend to believe that attending parenting classes should be compulsory for parents so that they get familiar with their responsibilities and how to bear them effectively. From my point of view, both society and parents benefit from parental training, hence it should be set as a requirement.

Government would ensure a certain level of child rearing quality by enforcing parental training. If children were brought up without proper supervision, the resulting outcome would be catastrophic for societies that depend on those children as the next skilled workforce. A certain level of mental, physical, and social development is necessary for adults to maintain a productive lifestyle. A major part of these developments occurs during child’s early ages. For instance, based on a comprehensive study conducted by the department of social sciences at Caltech University, most of social skills are acquired before 5 years of age. That is why, parents should be both mindful and trained to ensure an environment conducive to social development. Moreover, by teaching parents how important providing a healthy diet would be for their children, society can save much money which would otherwise be spent on medical services provided for people who suffer from ailments associated with eating disorders.

Parents benefit from these courses as well. They would learn how to allocate productive time to rear their children, while having enough spare time to enjoy their life. In many cases, untrained parents are incapable of adopting effective methods to discipline their children. In such instances, it is very likely that they feel strained and sometimes confused about consequences of not being abrasive enough. However, by proper training, they would be able to give much freedom to their children to explore the world, while setting rules and enforcing them appropriately to ensure safety and discipline for their children. Based on a survey by the Mental Division of the Ministry of Health of Canada, parents who are assertive in their parental approach were more likely to maintain a happy lifestyle compared to another control group who were incapable of imposing discipline in their household. It worth mentioning that, the assertiveness is proved to be a skill which can be taught to people through extensive training. Hence, parental courses which put emphasis on teaching such practical skills can help parents drastically.

In summary, teaching how to rear children appropriately and standardizing a certain level of parenting quality can benefit society, parents and children alike. Thus, society should invest financially and intellectually on developing courses leading to quality parenting.

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