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Thursday, June 28, 2018

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What does it mean “some proposed changes”?

@ JennyHCMC

"some proposed changes" suggests that these changes have been formally put forward (perhaps at a meeting of the of the town council).

"Compared to to suggest, to propose is more deliberate and definite. To suggest is merely to mention, while to propose is to have a definite plan and intention."

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/propose#English

Thanks Cara. This is the first time I get a feedback. I have just realized that I cannot use another name with the same email address.

I just wanna use a short way for my name as Jenny.
I wrote two comments, but they disappeared even it was said that my comment was posted.

This early morning, I used the name which I wrote a comment before. “JennyHCMC, Vietnam”. Then, it works.

Thank you Cara.

@JennyHCMC

Just by the way: "feedback" is uncountable, so we cannot have "a" (which fundamentally means "one") in front of it (unless "feedback" is part of a compound noun such as "a feedback loop").

Here is my intro + overview:

The given diagrams compare changes in Islip town centre between its current state and a development plan.

It can be seen from the maps that the town will become more accessible with a new dual carriageway. More housings and entertainment places are also projected in the city centre.


Please suggest me how to improve this. I'll be grateful!

@ Hien Tran

"....the diagrams given ..." would be more common in this situation. https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=the+given+diagrams%2Cthe+diagrams+given&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cthe%20given%20diagrams%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthe%20diagrams%20given%3B%2Cc0

"housing" is only countable if it means "the protective cover for a machine":

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/housing

"places of entertainment" would be more common:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=places+of+entertainment%2C+entertainment+places&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cplaces%20of%20entertainment%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Centertainment%20places%3B%2Cc0

To me, "It can be seen from the maps that" is not the best way to start an overview. We already know where the info comes from; this is what the introduction is for, and there is no need to repeat. Either start the overview with "Overall,.." or something like "The two main features of the development are ... ", or baldly state the main features.

I would question whether the dual carriageway makes the town more accessible: from the school and the housing to the south of the ring-road, access will be more difficult.

I would also question whether these are the main features. In my view, the main benefits are in stopping the thru-traffic and creating a pedestrian precinct and shopping center. The diagrams show nothing about any new places of entertainment. Where does that idea come from?

@Cara: thank you for your feedback.
About the 1st main feature, I just want to have a general idea about all the changes that will happen to the centre's roads. But after writing it down, I did think that maybe it's not right. We shouldn't put any assumption or non-given information in our essay. Definitely gonna change it.
About the "entertainment areas", it's a reference to the shopping centre. However, after reading your comment, I think that maybe I just used the wrong word. Is there any way to paraphrase it? I

Anw, thanks for your suggestions. I'll write it again.

Hien Tran

My understanding is there is no need paraphrase every label from the diagram. That would be an absurd requirement.

Hello, I paid for your e-book but unfortunately, I have not gotten it yet.

I worried about your meil might delate as a spam meil.

Thank you.

thank you

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