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Wednesday, April 11, 2018

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2

Hi,
Although paragraphs 2 and 3 are both sensible, I'd prefer to choose paragraph 3!

i think Paragraph 3 is the best one.

Both paragraph 2 and 3 present the writer's "position" clearly. They are different because paragraph 2 will be good for a one-sided essay while paragraph 3 is for a balanced answer.
Because it's easier for me to write a one-sided essay and the question has already pointed out an idea to develop the essay ("what matters is the quality of their work")so I prefer to use Introduction 2.

2

Introduction 3 is the best to achieve band 7 or higher

I would like to use the number 3 introduction. It will be easier to write two different ideas such as positive and negative consequence which give me the variety vocabulary to apply for this essay.

Number 3 is better. However, my writing teach recommend me to list all thesis I will use to prove my position in the induction paragraph.

It seems that the best way to get band 7 is to use introduction 3 because it could easily support writer's position about dress codes.

Introduction 3

intro 3

I ll go for 2

3

3

3

I think both 2 and 3 is right. It seems that they just have different view points of the writer.

Introduction 3 is the best one 'cause it presents the answer most clearly and directly.

3

Number 2 is the best because it is clear and concise.

Thank u so much simon for your help. Im your avid fan and really appreciate your free contribution for everyone. Youre an angel in person!

More power! God bless you always :)

Hi Simon,

I appeared for the test on the 24th of march, but couldn't clear the writing module requirement of 7 bands. I was able to score more than 7 in all other modules but in writing, it was 6. I made a mistake that in the discussion essay, I refuted the other view, which, I think, made the essay an opinion essay. My question is, how much the score is affected if this type of mistake happens. I think you have heard of people going for a discussion essay instead of an opinion essay and this may seem silly because you may not have heard of this before. Anyways, please let me and others about this issue.

Than a lot
AB

Simon which one is appropriate introduction. Some examiner says not to write much detail in introduction. Please help

FROM SIMON:

Introductions 2 and 3 are both fine, because they present a clear 'position'.

Personally, I would probably use introduction 3 because it allows me to write about the two different types of job in my main body paragraphs (i.e. one paragraph about jobs for which dress code isn't important, and one paragraph about jobs for which a dress code is important).

Thank you so much

Hi Simon,
here is the recent writing task 2 question (14 APRIL):
"More people are interested in cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance.
Why? Is it a positive or negative development?"
could you please tell us the general instruction of these types of ielts writing task 2 question: question + opinion.
thank you in advance.

I think the introduction 3 is more clearly and, more importanatly, it is good to give a balanced answer.

It has been supported by some people that employees should be free to wear whatever they want because the completion of work tasks is more important than anything else. Although I admit that dress codes have few or no effects on work performance, I strongly argue that dress uniform is a very important in some professions.

On the one hand, I am in favour of the idea that company owners should focus on the quality of employees’ work rather than the clothes they are wearing due to the fact that wearing formally or informally has nothing to do with their work production. A good illustration here is that engineers in some technological companies like Google and Facebook always wear leisurely but they are very productive. If rules are made to require them wear typical clothes, it is highly likely that they will lose some freedom as a result of losing motivation in creation.

However, I firmly believe that dress uniform is an essential even decisive factor in some professions. For example, doctors, lawyers, and the police never appear in casual wear when working because their special dress uniform is an important part of their job. In addition, some distinguishing features on their uniform can show how professional they are, which is also significant for the citizens they serve for. Without these special dresses, people may find it difficult to turn to the police or doctors for help when they are in need.

In conclusion, I partially agree with this point of view. Though it is true that the way employees wear is less important compared to the quality of their work, one thing I need to point out is that dress codes in some areas are essential because they are closely connected to typical jobs.

I prefer the 3rd one, please check my essay about this topic below. Thank you.
In the modern workplace, dress codes are changing as employers focus more on results than on the rules that employees must follow. While I agree that the way people dress should be seen as irrelevant in many work contexts, I believe that dress codes still exist for good reason in certain professions.
Advocates say that the employer should look through the best outcome of the job rather than the employee’s outfit. Obviously, the employees can save quite a little minutes or even hours to pick up their businesslike clothes daily if the dress code at workplace is not the main concern. In addition, the freer in the way they employees choose their attires, the more comfortable and blissful they feel, in other words, showing their latest style of fashion largely determines their confidence and energy in work and life.
Others argue that the employers should care about the employee’s clothes because the dress code virtually makes the big contribution to the enterprise’s success. It is apparently true that several special jobs including receptionists, customer care, and so on require the employees’ appearance. The main reason is that the staff’s grace and courtesy of the outfits make the good impression on customers or even important counterparts, which reveals their professional in job and the enterprise’s image. Moreover, two of employees are considered to be promoted, the one who has more attractive and polite appearance will absolutely be chosen in spite of the same quality of their work.
In conclusion, one side said that it is better for the employees to select their outfit for the working day without any observation from the employers while others said that dress code plays a key role to the majority of the company culture.

@Michelle

"It has been supported by some people": this phrase simply does not crop up in Google books or magazines. See:
https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=supported+by+some+people+that%2Cbeen+supported+by+some+people%2Ca+widespread+perception+that%2CSome+people+take+the+view%2CThere+is+a+common+view%2CA+common+view+is+that%2CA+widespread+view+is+that%2CIn+some+quarters+there+is%2C+there+is+a+view+that&year_start=1800&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ca%20widespread%20perception%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CSome%20people%20take%20the%20view%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CThere%20is%20a%20common%20view%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CA%20common%20view%20is%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CA%20widespread%20view%20is%20that%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CIn%20some%20quarters%20there%20is%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cthere%20is%20a%20view%20that%3B%2Cc0

"have few or no effects on": https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=have+few+or+no+effects%2C+have+little+effect+on&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Chave%20little%20effect%20on%3B%2Cc0

3) "Although I admit that dress codes have few or no effects on work performance, I strongly argue ": 'may' provides a simpler concession than "I admit that"->Although dress codes may have little or no effect on work performance...

4) Perhaps "standard of dress" would be more accurate instead of "dress code" and "dress uniform". After all, it is not the code itself, it is what you wear.

5) "I would strongly argue that they are": referring back to "dress codes" and avoiding need for paraphrase.

@Michelle

6)"due to the fact that" -> as (much simpler)

7) First sentence of second paragraph seems merely to reiterate your position already set out in the introduction. Could be shortened to something like: there are some jobs where employee clothing (or what one is wearing) just does not matter.

8) wear leisurely / formally/ informally -> wear formal/informal/casual clothes/clothing

9) "If rules are made ... they will lose": this is an "unreal" hypothesis, so needs "second conditional"-> were made..would lose

10) Some police, doctors, and lawyers work in "plain clothes", or business attire: "dress uniform" actually refers to the number one best parade/function uniform of a naval officer, usually white.

11) " Without these special dresses": unfortunately, in the plural, "dresses" refers to women's clothing only, usually frocks or evening gowns suitable for formal occasions. Not something your average policeman would wear to a bar fight -> Without this special uniform...(it would be hard to identify who the police are, and who are the bad guys).

12) "In conclusion, I partially agree with this point of view." Which point of view are you actually referring to? -> In conclusion, I partially agree: uniform is necessary for some jobs, but not for most.

13) that the way employees wear -> what employees wear

14) Though it is true that the ->Certainly -> What employees wear is certainly/doubtless ...

15)compared to -> than

16) one thing I need to point out is that->
is generally less important than the quality of their work, in some areas dress codes are ..

17)connected to typical jobs-> connected to certain types of jobs.

18) Personally, I would work on cutting down the introduction and conclusion, and putting in more explanation or examples into the body paragraphs.
Just some ideas to think about..

@Huong

1) "In the modern workplace, dress codes are changing ..": a sweeping generalization. Band 7 talks about over-generalising. The original question avoids this by saying "some people", (which might in fact be no more than just one elderly couple living on the outskirts of Yan Jing, a village in Tibet) and making it an opinion, not a fact. -> dress codes are seen as less important, as employers tend to focus on ....

2) " look through the best outcome of the job "-> look at job outcomes/performance/results (measures)

3) " Obviously, the employees": which employees are you referring to? No specific group has been mentioned heretofore. If you mean "employees in general", then no article is needed. (Think of "the" as meaning this/that/these/those, which was the original meaning.)

4) "quite a little minutes"-> quite a few minutes ("a little" goes with singular and uncountable nouns.)

5) " to pick up": one might pick up a business suit from the dry cleaners (ie collect); to choose = to pick. Here we need the gerund : ... picking their business-wear each day...

6) "the dress code at workplace " -> workplace dress code

7) "the freer in the way they employees choose their attires," -> the more freedom employees have in choosing what to wear... (attire is usually singular)

8)"...feel , in other words, ": either start a new sentence
"...feel. In other words, ..." or use a colon
"...feel: in other words, ..."

@Michelle
9) "It is apparently true": "apparently" is often used to mean that someone told me. Perhaps you meant "certainly".

10) "...require the employees’ appearance": what would not having any appearance mean, that they are there only in spirit? -> ...require a smart appearance on the part of employees.

11) "..the staff’s grace and courtesy of the outfits": -> chic and presentable staff outfits make a good/professional impression on ....

12) "..which reveals their professional in job and the enterprise’s image." -> which generates/promotes a professional image.

13) " Moreover" : is used to introduce an overriding and compelling point. Here "also" is perhaps quite adequate, and more appropriate.

14) "two of employees are considered to be promoted,": -> when/whenever two employees are being considered for promotion to one vacant job. Again, I would question the over-generalization. How do you know this stuff? Does it happen every time all around the world? -> Sometimes, when being considered for promotion, being smartly dressed can tip the scales/make a difference.

@Huong

15) "One side said... the other side...": the question asks to what extent you agree or disagree! Band 7 states "presents a clear position throughout the response". While your position is stated in the introduction, there is no mention thereafter.

Using "may" to indicate concession, the second paragraph could read:

Advocates may say that... the employees may save ... they may feel..may determine...

The third paragraph needs to be more assertive:

I believe that employers../ In my view, employers ...

And the final para:

In conclusion, I would generally agree that ....

@Huong (and Michelle)
paras 9-14 are for Huong !

Of the 34 points mentioned above, it seems the underlying issues could be traced as follows:

Task response 6 times
Cohesion: 2 times
Appropriate Vocabulary/range/collocations 23
Grammar range accuracy 4

This pattern of issues seems to be quite common. Perhaps this provides some indication of what to work on.

Thank you so much for your detailed corrections in my essays. I can see a lot of mistakes.

Also, could you please give me the final score? It might be 5 or below.

@Huong

Unfortunately, we only have the public version of the band descriptors, so there must be a more detailed "private and confidential" version that the examiners use.

Secondly, just supposing for a moment that I thought your score would be Band 7 for this essay (and I do not), then off you go, do the exam, get 6.0 or 6.5 (there is no telling how exam nerves and exam conditions and the precise topic would affect the result on the day) and then come back and blame me for wasting your money.

For these reasons people are very reluctant indeed to give anyone a score. Unfortunately, the approach to a Band 7 result is like walking across the Tibetan plateau to get to the Himalayas: seemingly endless effort without recognizable progress. If you manage to plod slowly forward, all the little improvements finally add up, pay off, and you cross the line a winner. It just takes longer than you think. Tennis or the violin is not learnt in one day, or by watching a video: it is the cumulative result of practicing every day and making tiny steps forward, whilst somehow hanging on to the dream. And of course heeding Simon's good advice.

@Gigi

Thank you so much for your careful corrections to my essay, from which I can find what my problems are in Writing Task 2.

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