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Thursday, April 05, 2018

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Mr Simon

I believe that, in the three-line graph example used, the need to paraphrase stems from the approach to describing the graph, dealing with all three lines together within each time period.

I believe this is called "lexical cohesion", but there are alternatives, as mentioned in the marking schema, namely, referencing and substitution.

Using a different approach, dealing with one line at a time (but still making comparisons) leads to more referencing and pronoun substitution. Here's my version, which I easier to follow and more cohesive, as we are not continually skipping between lines. It is basically a separate para for each line:

In 1997, the top spending category (at $260) was business visitors. It rose by about a third to peak in 2002/3, and then dropped by nearly half. In the decade to 2015, it fluctuated wildly but the trend remained flat.

Spending by those visiting friends or relatives began much lower and also peaked in the early 2000s and then, after falling back to around its original figure, recovered slowly but comparatively steadily, to end the period as the highest spending category at $250 per day, significantly more than its original value, and $40 above the final business figure.

The last cohort, people visiting friends or relatives, remained in third place throughout, and, apart from doubling early on, showed much less variability in general, trailing away in from its peak to a $140 endpoint.
(134 words for the detail paragraphs)

Reference: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cohesion_(linguistics)

Range of vocabulary means modifying into different forms, great website I have ever seen so far. I have left no exercise undone from 2009 or the beginning to till the date of Reading,Writing and Speaking. I have got a lot of knowledge and skills throughout, indebted to Simon, you are absolutely an absolute....

Beyonce

I would advise you not to write like this in the test. Separating three categories in three paragraphs almost always reduces the opportunity to compare, and this can be penalised in the test. Your model, for example, doesn't contain enough comparisons, and therefore feels too 'mechanical'.

Separating by category is possible, but I would strongly advise you to write two paragraphs, and make sure that you group two categories together in one paragraph, and tell the reader why.

'Referencing' and 'substitution' mean the ability to use pronouns and synonyms to avoid repeating vocabulary.

@sjm

Thank you. On re-reading I do agree that my version borders on "mechanical". I will have a think about how to do it in two paragraphs and fit more comparisons in.

There are some similarities between the three categories: they all rose by over a third to peak in 2002/3 and then fell away sharply, and ended the survey period at not far from where they started.

There are also notable differences. Spending by business visitors was the odd one out, showing more marked variability year-on-year than the others, peaking at $260. After beginning as the biggest spenders, in the final decade the trend was flat, and they slipped behind vacationers, whose spending was the only category to show some indications of a slow recovery. They finished as the top spending category, at $250, some $40 above business, and $60 above its opening value. The last cohort, those visiting friends and relatives, displayed the least variation, except insofar as the peak was double the starting figure, and it remained a distant third throughout, with an endpoint of $140.

Sir can we use would for making projections in graph??? Is it correct?

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