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Thursday, January 04, 2018

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There was a slight increase in England's population approximately 5.9%. Otherwise, the forecast porpotion for Scotland and Northern Ireland nearly 3.2% and 4.2% respectively.

Please give me some straightforward feedbacks because I am a new learner for studying IELTS, I just rewrite in a particular way. Thanks in advance!

Scotland and Northern Ireland has about same growth rate estimation in their population 3.2% and 4.2%, at the meantime 5.9% is expected ratio for England.

There is alike growth rate trend in Northern Ireland and Scotland' population, although this trend is different at England with %5.9 rate.

UNDER- AND OVER-USE OF COHESIVE DEVICES:

The following assumes that Task 2 answer is 300 words, and Task 1 is 200 words; and also that the type of language required for the two tasks as a whole is approximately but fairly comparable to the English in Google Books. Also, there is no data available on how far deviation from the average is normal.

Task 2 is argumentative and Task 1 factual and descriptive, so we should expect to find nearly all the cohesive devices in Task 2.

The ngram graphs at the end seem to support the conclusions below:

1) Using "and" five times and 'but' once in Task 1 is perfectly average.

The remainder relate to Task 2 only:

2) It would be normal to use "and" seven times in Task 2.

3) We would expect to find one or two sentences beginning with either "It", "They", or "This" (which are often used to refer back to some previous item or idea). Calculation: 500 words @ 0.26% incidence = 1.3 times.

4) On average, there would be one sentence containing either "if", "provided", "providing", or "as long as" in Task 2.

5) Using 'but' once or twice would be normal.

6) We would expect to find one instance of one of: "or", "nor", "so", "yet".

7) On average, only two of following would be used: although, though, whereas, because, while, whilst, if.

8) It would be normal to see "which" used once.

9) There is no need to include "however" or "nevertheless" at all: it would be quite normal NOT to see either of these in most 300-word essays.

10) For "normal" English only ONE of the following would be included just once in Task 2 and not at all in Task 1 :

On the other hand, That said, Firstly, Finally, In conclusion, However, Nevertheless, Moreover, Furthermore, Lastly, Also, In addition, as well as, Additionally.

Overall this means that for normal English, there will only be about eight instances of an explicit cohesive linkage word or structure other than "and". Much more than this might make it difficult to go beyond band 7 for cohesion?

The remaining score for cohesion comes from "logically organised information and ideas with clear progression throughout", which is all about planning and sequencing WITHOUT relying on the linking words surveyed above: (gerunds and other devices have not been addressed).

In my view all the above would need to be taken as a just a rough guide as to what to practice, so that in the real exam these things come automatically and naturally, and one is free to focus on content and answering the question.

Mr Simon, I do hope I haven't got this all wrong or made any blunders in all this? just trying to understand how to get tops for cohesion. It is a real challenge to do without "however" and all those linking adverbs in (10), and only use just one; but maybe it is good practice?

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=If%2Bif%2BProvided%2Bprovided%2BProviding%2Bproviding%2Bas+long+as%2BAs+long+as%2C_START_+It+%2B+_START_+They+%2B+_START_+This%2C+and&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2C%28If%20%2B%20if%20%2B%20Provided%20%2B%20provided%20%2B%20Providing%20%2B%20providing%20%2B%20as%20long%20as%20%2B%20As%20long%20as%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28_START_%20It%20%2B%20%20_START_%20They%20%2B%20%20_START_%20This%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cand%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=If%2Bif%2BProvided%2Bprovided%2BProviding%2Bproviding%2Bas+long+as%2BAs+long+as%2C_START_+It+%2B+_START_+They+%2B+_START_+This%2C+and&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2C%28If%20%2B%20if%20%2B%20Provided%20%2B%20provided%20%2B%20Providing%20%2B%20providing%20%2B%20as%20long%20as%20%2B%20As%20long%20as%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28_START_%20It%20%2B%20%20_START_%20They%20%2B%20%20_START_%20This%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cand%3B%2Cc0

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=On+the+other+hand%2BThat+said%2BFirstly%2B_START_+Finally%2BIn+conclusion%2Bhowever%2BHowever%2BNevertheless%2Bnevertheless%2BMoreover%2Bmoreover%2BFurthermore%2Bfurthermore%2BLastly%2Balso%2BAlso%2BIn+addition%2Bas+well+as%2BAdditionally&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2C%28On%20the%20other%20hand%20%2B%20That%20said%20%2B%20Firstly%2B_START_%20Finally%20%2B%20In%20conclusion%20%2B%20however%20%2B%20However%20%2B%20Nevertheless%20%2B%20nevertheless%20%2B%20Moreover%20%2B%20moreover%20%2B%20Furthermore%20%2B%20furthermore%20%2B%20Lastly%20%2B%20also%20%2B%20Also%20%2B%20In%20addition%20%2B%20as%20well%20as%20%2B%20Additionally%29%3B%2Cc0

The anticipated figure in demographic growth for England is about 5.9% . by meanwhile the growth prospects is expected to be almost 3.2% in Scotland and 4.3% in Ireland .

The anticipated figure in demographic growth for England is roughly 5.9% . meanwhile , the growth prospects are expected to reach almost 3.2% in Scotland and 4.7% in Ireland.

1/ England’s population is projected to increase by 5.9%, while the figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted to rise by 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.
2/ A growth of 5.9% in England’s population is projected, whereas the rises of 4.2% and 3.2% are predicted for Northern Ireland and Scotland.
3/ It is projected that England’s population will increase by 5.9%, whereas the figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted to rise by 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

Hi Simon,
My answer are as below:

1, Projected growth in England's population is estimated to stand at 5.9%, while in Northern Ireland and Scotland, these figures are predicted to increase 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

2, The proportion of England's population is projected to grow 5.9%, whereas 4.2% and 3.2% are the estimated figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland respectively.

I mixed your advice in writing test and my idea, so i don't know for sure whether these two sentences are correct.
Thank you so much.

Second link should be:

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=Although%2Balthough%2BThough%2Bthough%2Bwhereas%2Bbecause%2BWhile%2BWhilst%2Bif%2Cif%2Cbut%2BBut%2Cso_CONJ%2Byet_CONJ%2Bor%2BOr%2BSo_CONJ%2BYet_CONJ%2BNor%2Bnor%2Cor%2BOr%2Bnor%2BNor%2C_START_+This%2Cwhich%2CI%2CHowever%2Bhowever%2Bnevertheless%2BNevertheless%2Cwho%2Ceither%2Bneither%2BEither%2BNeither%2CWhen&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2C%28Although%20%2B%20although%20%2B%20Though%20%2B%20though%20%2B%20whereas%20%2B%20because%20%2B%20While%20%2B%20Whilst%20%2B%20if%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cif%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28but%20%2B%20But%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28so_CONJ%20%2B%20yet_CONJ%20%2B%20or%20%2B%20Or%20%2B%20So_CONJ%20%2B%20Yet_CONJ%20%2B%20Nor%20%2B%20nor%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28or%20%2B%20Or%20%2B%20nor%20%2B%20Nor%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_START_%20This%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cwhich%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CI%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28However%20%2B%20however%20%2B%20nevertheless%20%2B%20Nevertheless%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cwho%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%28either%20%2B%20neither%20%2B%20Either%20%2B%20Neither%29%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CWhen%3B%2Cc0

England's population is anticipated to rise by 5.9%, whereas Northern Ireland and Scotland are expected to experience a population growth of 4.2% and 3.2%

@ Candy

First of all, the original sentence above is about a possible future population growth, so it would be wrong to write "There WAS a slight increase..."

Secondly, there are some unnecessary words like slight, approximately, nearly.

Finally, it would be better to use the words "while" or "whereas" instead of "Otherwise"

(that's what i think, maybe i'm wrong)

Population growth in England is forecasted to be at 5.9 percent , however , the expected population growth in Ireland and Scotland are 4.2 percent and 3.2 percent respectively.

Here are my sentences and I hope that everybody could read them and correct any mistakes they have. Thank you guys so much!

1, While England’s population tends to increase by 5.9%, the expected figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

2, The population growth of Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted to be 4.2% and 3.2%, whereas that of England is slightly higher, at 5.9%.

3, The population of the UK and Northern Ireland are expected to rise by 5.9% and 4.2% respectively, compared to only 3.2% of Scotland.

4, There is a predicted rise of 5.9% in England’s population, in comparison with 4.2% and 3.2% of Northern Ireland and Scotland respectively.

1. England's population growth is projected at 5.9%, while the predicted figures for Northern Island and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2%

2. Growth population in England is projected at 5.9%, while the figures for Northern Island and Scotland are predicted at 4.2% and 3.2% respectively

3. The number of population in UK is projected a rise at 5.9%, while Irish and scotish are estimated at 4.2% and 3.2%, respectively

@Phong

1) "tends to" is not a synonym for "is projected to" or "predicted to".

Checkout:
"is forecast to"
"is estimated to"
"is set to" in the phrase "set to rise/grow"

For instance:
It is forecast that the UK population will rise by 5.9%
The forecast for the UK population is a rise of 5.9%.
5.9% is the forecast rise in UK population.

1) The number of public living in England is projected to grow by 5.9%, while Northern Ireland and Scotland are estimated that the population will increase by 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

2) The population growth in England is forecasted by 5.9%, whereas 4.2% and 3.2% are the prediction increase in Northern Ireland’s and Scotland’s population.

3) England population is predicted a increase of 5.9%, while there are increase of 4.2% and 3.2% in population of Northern Ireland and Scotland respectively.

England's population is anticipated to grow up to 5.9%, whereas the the expected increases of population in Northern Ireland and Scothland are 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

The growth rate of England's popluation is estimated to be 5.9%. However, those estimations of Northern Ireland and Scotland's population are 4.2% and 3.2%.

@csaj

Thank you so much for your comment.
I hope that we are likely to be heard the comment of teacher Simon too.

Projected growth in England's population is put at 5.9%, while the predicted figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2%.

the growth of English population is projected 5.9% and the projection for Northern Ireland and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2% respectively!

English citizenry is expected to see a slight leap of 5.9%, whereas the anticipation for Northern Ireland and Scotland is 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

@Phuc
A) "citizenry" is often used in a political context, sometimes meaning "the people" as opposed to the government, or the judiciary, or the military. For example someone might have said "Government by the citizenry, for the citizenry..."

It is a collective noun for citizens as a group, so it is not easy to use it as a substitute for population when counting individuals. "The number of people" would be fine though.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=citizenry%2Ccitizens%2C*+citizenry%2CEnglish+citizenry%2Ccitizenry+of+the+*%2Ccitizenry+of+a%2Ccitizenry+of+England%2C+population&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ccitizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccitizens%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bthe%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bits%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Blocal%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformed%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Beducated%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bour%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgeneral%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3B%27s%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B%3BThe%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2CEnglish%20citizenry%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Ccitizenry%20of%20the%20%2A%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20United%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20state%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20country%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20nation%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20city%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20town%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20world%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20community%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20new%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bcitizenry%20of%20the%20capital%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccitizenry%20of%20a%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ccitizenry%20of%20England%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpopulation%3B%2Cc0

Notice that "population" has more than one meaning and that "citizenry" equates to only the first one given here:
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/population

https://www.google.co.nz/search?tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=citizenry&gws_rd=cr&dcr=0&ei=r8tRWtyWNcuk0ATA0rPADg

B) "a slight leap": as "leap" suggests a high, or long jump, or moving fast, it does not go well with "slight".

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=a+slight+*_NOUN&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t2%3B%2Ca%20slight%20%2A_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20increase_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20decrease_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20change_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20difference_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20tendency_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20rise_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20smile_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20degree_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20modification_NOUN%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Ba%20slight%20decline_NOUN%3B%2Cc0

3) "anticipation" often suggests eagerness, which is not the idea here. "Outlook" might be the word here.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/anticipation


The population rate in England is estimated to increase at 5,9%, while those for Northern Ireland and Scotland are lower at about 4,2% and 3,2%

@Nhan

"England's population is anticipated to grow up to 5.9%,"

a) "grow up" is about becoming "grown-up".

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/grow_up

b) There are lingering issues with "is anticipated to ", so it might be safer to use "It is anticipated that.." for exam purposes.

"The words anticipate and expect both regard some future event as likely to take place. Nowadays they are often used interchangeably although anticipate is associated with acting because of an expectation. (E.g. skilled sportsmen anticipate the action and position themselves accordingly.)"
- Wiktionary

c) -> grow by 5.9%

@Wiwik

"5,9%" "4,2% and 3,2%"

English-speaking countries use a dot to represent the decimal point.

Sometimes commas are used as a thousands separator.

Be aware that 5,901 would generally be read as five thousand nine hundred and one in the USA and England, NOT as five point nine zero one.

@C.K

"The number of public": cannot find an example of this on Google books, where "public" is a stand-alone noun.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/public#Usage_notes

"Members of the public" is normal.

"The number of people" would be normal.

@Beyza nur:

"Scotland and Northern Ireland has have ...": issues with subject/verb singular/plural and articles are the main will downgrade your score.

"Growth rate estimation" is used to refer to the process:
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22growth+rate+estimation%22&tbm=bks&ei=-XFSWpv8KoyM8gWOw6PgBg&start=10&sa=N&biw=1426&bih=960&dpr=1

It is easier to use "estimated growth rate".

"In the meantime" is about waiting:
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/meantime

"At the same time" is possibility, but "whereas" indicates true contrast:

"Scotland and Northern Ireland have similar estimated population growth rates, at 3.2% and 4.2% respectively, whereas the rate for England is significantly higher at 5.9% .

Notice that we have referred back to "estimated population growth rates" as "the rate"; this is a good trick.

@Phong

If there are two different populations:
"The populations of the UK and Northern Ireland are expected to rise".

If there is only one set of figures for UK/NI combined:
"The population of the UK and Northern Ireland are is expected to rise".

Subject/verb agreement is a common error; and tends to create incoherence.

@csaj

Thank you so much for your recent comment. However, I used population as an uncountable noun and use "are" as a result of two countries rather than population!
It's alright, isn't it?
Thank you.

Projected growth in England's population is put at 5.9%, while the predicted figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2%.

-> the England population is planned to grow at the rate of 5.9%, whereas that of Ireland and Scotland are estimated to be 4.2% and 3.2%, respectively.

@Phong

The grammatical subject of the verb is "population(s)".

The growth in England's population is estimated to be 5.9%, whereas both Northern Ireland and Scotland growth estimates are put at 4.5% and 3.2% respectively.

1)The population in England is estimated to growth 5.9%, whereas Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted for 4.2% and 3.2%.

2)The number of England's population increases at 5.9% from projected growth,meanwhile,both Northern Ireland and Scotland have predicted 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

It is predicted that the number of people living in England will increase by 5.9% while estimated population increase for Northern Ireland and Scotland are 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

FrancoC:

1) What is the grammatical subject of the verb?
"the number -> will increase" Yes!
"while ....increase(noun)-> are.. ":not ok!

2) How many increases are there? Two !

3) Do we need an article for
"(estimated population) increases" ?
Are we referring to a specific situation which the reader is familiar with? Would using "this/that" make sense? "... while this estimated population increase.. " ?

Therefore correct version:

... while the estimated population increases for NI and Scotland are...."

@ESTHER
"1)The population in England is estimated to growth at 5.9%, whereas Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted to rise for by 4.2% and 3.2%." [but it is the pop, not the countries NI and Scot that rise]
OR (better)
"Future population growth in England is estimated at 5.9%, whereas in Northern Ireland and Scotland the predicted rise is only 4.2% and 3.2% respectively."

2)"The number of England's population": "population" already includes the idea of "number", so just "England's population" makes more sense.

The proportion of England population is projected to grow at 5.9%, while figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are expected to increase at 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

While the population of England is expected to stand at 5.9%, the growth rate in Northern Ireland and Scotland are projected to experience population growth at 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.


There is predicted a rise of 5.9% in England population, in comparison with Northern Ireland 4.2% and Scotland 3.2%.


The population growth in Northern Ireland and Scotland are expected to increase at 4.2% and 3.2% respectively, whereas England’s population is slightly higher at 5.9%.

1. It is projected that England's population will increase at 5.9%, while at the same time population of Nort Ireland and Scotland are estimated to rise 4.2% and 3.2%.

2. England's population is estimated to increase at 5.9%, while Northen Ireland and Scotland are expected tp rise 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

Hi Simon, I've been reading your post lately for my upcoming IELTS exam. I hope for your corrections on my work! Thanks in advance!

The expected number of Northern Irish and Scottish are 4.2% and 3.2% while, the British increased by 5.9%.

1.The population growths in England, Northern Ireland and Scotland are predicted to be 5.9%, 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

2. The England's population is predicted to grow 5.9%. By comparison, lower increases will be recorded in Northern Ireland and Scotland at 4.2% and 3.2% in turns.

The population growth in England is forecasted to 5.9%, meanwhile, the figures for Northern Ireland and Scotland are estimated to 4.2% and 3.2% respectively.

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