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Thursday, January 18, 2018

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The average daily spend of international visitors to New Zealand decreased greatly over the past ten years. The highest average daily spend of international visitors to New Zealand is for the Business category, while the lowest is for visiting friends or relatives.

The line graph illustrates the average daily spending of foreign visitors in the New Zealand over the period of past decade from 1997 to 2007 specifically.
Overall, at first, in the year of 2000,average daily spending of business visitors was the highest and the peak point in New Zealand, whilst the lowest mark of average daily spend for the visiting friends or relatives.


P.S: Please correct me where I made mistakes in the text as a whole. Thanks!!

It is clear that visiting friends or relatives spent the least amount of money daily over the whole period shown, compared to those who visited the country for holiday or business purposes. We can also see that daily expenses of international visitors belonging to each category peaked around the year 2002 only to decrease shortly afterwards.

Aftab Ashraf:

* visitors "TO" New Zealand ( i think)
* in the year 2000

you picked the wrong year (2000): daily expenditure of visitors (had been increasing and) continued increasing for at least another year.

@Aftab Ashraf
More changes:

"over the period of past decade (from 1997) to 2007 (specifically)"
"Past decade" suggests the ten years up till now. Words in brackets are unnecessary.

"Overall, at first, ": unneeded, and unwise to start with two introductory phrases.

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/11/ielts-writing-task-1-a-more-general-overview.html

In the overview we need "trends" and/or "differences": the general trend was downward, and compared with the other categories, the drop in "business" was more severe.

Or something like that.

do we need to write a topic for the easy.........?
@Pls. let me know anyone who knoe

@Sumi
Instructions for Task 1 are something like:
"Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. "

A British Council model answer begins:
"The bar charts show data about computer ownership, with a further classification by level of education, from 2002 to 2010. "

Simon's model answers also begin similarly, for example:
"The line graph compares the average price of a barrel of oil with the food price index over a period of 11 years."

The graph compares daily spending trend of people who visited NZ between 1997 and 2017. And the spending trend divided into three different categories.
Overall, all three categories showed fluctuation trend. And it is still interesting to know that while people who visited for business purpose seemed to decrease their spending, expenditure of trevellers for vacation or visiting friends or relatives showed increasing trend during this period.

From 1997 to around 2005, visitors for business spent the highest level($260 to $340) but the end of 2005 the figure fell dramatically to $180 and continued to fluctuate untill 2017.

In the case of spending trend of holiday travellers or visitors to friends, it indicated relatively level in the beginning of this survey, $200, $120 respectively. However it went up sharply to $270, $220 in 2003. While expenditure trend of holiday visitors remained same level till 2017, those of family visitors decreased continuously to $140 at the end of survey.

The graph shows the average daily spending of foreigner in three categories over the past two decade into Zealand. with those going for business being the the highest and those visiting friends and relative being the lowest. However between 2000 and 2010 precisely at the middle it was just a slight different between the business and the holiday categories but still significant decrease on the visit to friends and relatives. Above 2010 at some point on the graph holidays over take business as the highest. This result in slight different between business and visit to friends and relatives.

The line graph illustrates the expenditure of travelers visiting New Zealand via three kinds of activity over a period of 10 years.
Overall, there was a fluctuating trend of those activities. Visiting friend or relatives is considered to be the least amount of expenses people spend on. While the rest, particularly, holidaymakers wanted to remain the most, then comes next that is going on business.
,

The line chart illustrates the average daily expenditures of three different categories of oversea tourists to New Zealand during two decades.

In statistics given in 2000, it can be seen that business was the most common way in New Zealand that tourists cost over $324 at one day. Holiday and vacation ranked second at the same year, costing $224 daily, while visiting friends or relatives spent daily $182 dollars in New Zealand. The expenditures of three categories had been showing a fluctuation trend; especially the costs business had a significant decline between 2000 and 2010.

Looking more closely in 2010, compared to those two categories, it is clear that the cost of people spending during holiday ranked top one, while the daily spending of foreign visitors who operating business and visiting friends or relatives in New Zealand in 2010 dropped to $170 and $138 respectively.

Overall, international tourists go to New Zealand and spend lesser than before, including the cost of business, vacation and visiting friends.

The graph illustrates the international visitor’s average daily spending when they go to New Zealand for different purposes in the period of 1997-2017.

Overall, the spending on business was the highest in 1997 while that for holiday/vacation was biggest in 2017. Besides, the spending on all three purposes tended to be downwards.

The average expenditure for business was the most fluctuating. The trend was upwards from the beginning of the period (about more than $250) to the year 2003, reaching almost $330 averagely. However, it reduced steeply in the following year to $180. Over the next period of 2003-2017, there was a strong fluctuation (between $140 and $240). It rose again up to $260 in 2015 before ending at $210 in 2017.

In the other two categories, there was a slightly similar trend, in which the increase was between 1997-2002. Then, they both experienced decline over the next 15 years. In 2017, there were only less than $140 spent during friend visiting and about doubled amount on holiday. One significant point was that over the years, people spent much more when they were on holiday/vacation compared to how much they paid when they visited friends and relatives.

"Fluctuating trend" is more commonly used than "fluctuation trend", but neither makes much sense, as a trend is a line that best fits or summarizes the overall direction.

All three lines do indeed peak around 2003, but (focusing more on the start/end points) the trend across the two decades for business is downward, for holiday/vacation is slightly upward, and for family/friends is pretty flat.

@Twee
"Besides In general, the spending ..." Using "besides" at the beginning of a sentence like this tends to suggest what came before just does not matter.

When talking about statistics, "mean" can be used instead of "average", as an adjective or noun.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/mean#Noun

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=average+spend%2Cmean+spend%2Caverage+spending%2Cmean+spending%2Caverage+expenditure%2Cmean+expenditure&year_start=1990&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Caverage%20spend%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cmean%20spend%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Caverage%20spending%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cmean%20spending%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Caverage%20expenditure%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cmean%20expenditure%3B%2Cc0


@Baljeet

IELTS is an international English language testing system.

Your submission translates as something like:

The graph compares the daily expenditure trend of those who went to New Zealand between 1997 and 2017. And the trend of spending was divided into three different categories.
Overall, fluctuating tendencies were shown in all three categories. And it is still interesting to know that when people had come for business purposes, their expenses had decreased, while traveler's vacation expenses, or friends or relatives saw a growing trend during this period.

From 1997 to 2005, visitors spent the highest level ($ 260 to $ 340) for business, but at the end of 2005, the figure fell dramatically to $ 180 and was constantly growing until 2017.

Due to the expenditure of the visitors of the holidays travelers or visitors, at the beginning of this survey, respectively, was estimated at $ 200, $ 120. However, in 2003 it had reached $ 270 per gallon at $ 220. However, the spending trends of vacation visitors remained in 2017, while at the end of the survey, the number of family visitors fell to $ 140

The line graph illustrates the daily expenditure of visitors who came to New Zealand in terms of their purpose between 1997 and 2007.
Overall, the average spent for business purpose fell significantly while the figures for traveling and visiting friends or relatives rose slightly, despite all of them experienced many fluctuations. In addition, the amount of spent for visiting friends or relatives was by far the lowest figure during the period shown.
In 1997, the daily expenses for business was the highest, with nearly 260$, while the figures for traveling and visiting friends was around 180$ and less than 120$ respectively. From 1997 to around 2003, all of three categories had the same significant increase before falling extremely to around 210$ for traveling, 180$ for business and around 170$ for visiting friends.
From 2003 to 2015, spending for business witnessed the strong fluctuation while the figures for traveling had slight increase to 240$ and that of visiting friends continue falling to around 120$. By 2017, three categories increased slightly.

The biggest spend on visiting to New Zealand given by the people for business purpose whereas the smallest amount of expense went for visiting with friends and relatives. Besides, holiday or vacation purpose depicts the average cost during the given time length.

This is an example of general trend. Plz advise me if need correction.

USAGE OF BESIDES (as linking adverb at beginning of sentence followed by comma) :

"Use besides if the information in both sentences involves reasons or explanations":

https://www.eslcafe.com/grammar/conjunctive_adverbs04.html

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22besides%20he%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22besides%20she%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22besides%20they%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22besides+i%22&lr=lang_en&tbs=lr:lang_1en&tbm=bks&ei=sHFjWo6UOsOZ8QW30YPwDw&start=10&sa=N&biw=1426&bih=955&dpr=1

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22besides%20we%22&tbm=bks&lr=lang_en

@Raju

See "besides" usage above:
"Besides Also, holiday or vacation ..."

"The biggest spend on visiting to New Zealand was given by the people for business purposes whereas the smallest amount of expense went for on visiting with friends and relatives."

"visit with someone" is much less common than "visit someone", even in American books.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=visit_VERB+them%2Cvisit_VERB+with+them%2Cvisit+with+them%2Cvisit+with+them%3Aeng_us_2012%2Cvisit+them%3Aeng_us_2012&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cvisit_VERB%20them%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cvisit_VERB%20with%20them%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cvisit%20with%20them%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cvisit%20with%20them%3Aeng_us_2012%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cvisit%20them%3Aeng_us_2012%3B%2Cc0

In describing trends here, it is often better to look for the overall direction of change, and use a phrase such as "upward trend" or "downward trend", as if all the smaller ups and downs were smoothed away. For example, one straight "middling" line to smooth the business line would slope off downwards.

This graph illustrates the expenditures of international tourists that visited New Zealand in a twenty years periof between 1997 and 2017 by a daily basis into three categories that consists of business, holiday/vacation and those aiming to visit their friends or relatives.
In overall, it is obvious that people went to New Zealand for business and holiday spent more money than those for visiting friends or relatives at the whole time period of twenty years. There were a big fluctuactions in the business and holiday categories compared with the visiting category.These fluctuactions consisted of big drops and show small rose especially in the business category classification. At the end of the twenty years in 2017, people spent more money for holiday than aiming for business to New Zealand
At the begining of 1997, people spent averagely 260 USD for business trip as much as twice higher than they spent for visitors for their relatives or friends.The daily spent money for business showed a significant increase between 1997 and at the first few years of 2000. However these expenditures showed a big drop begining from the approximately of 2004 to 2007 years and then changed between a range of 160 USD and 240 USD for those nearly ten years between 2007 and 2017 years.
The holiday category showed a tremendously increase between 1997 and 2003-2004 years that was reached up to 30 % USD per day. However,at the end of these years, total expenditures spent for holiday were 260 USD that was the highest for whole twenty years. Although, this category differanted between 200 and 260 USD , it has reached only 240 USD at the year of 2017 lesser than the mid 2000 years.

"for business purposes" is far more common than "for business purpose". The same applies to "for holiday purposes" and "for vacation purposes":

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=for+business+purpose%2Cfor+business+purposes%2Cfor+holiday+purposes%2Cfor+vacation+purpose&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cfor%20business%20purpose%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfor%20business%20purposes%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfor%20holiday%20purposes%3B%2Cc0

It is the visitors who are categorized according to the purpose of their visit, not their spending. So "people who visited for business purposes seemed to decrease their spending" seems fine, but "the average spent for business purposes fell" seems not to distort the basis on which the data was collected.

CuongPX:

In English, currency symbols such as the dollar sign (or euro, yen) are almost always placed before the number. It is also an accepted practice to write "dollars","yuan" or "dong" and so forth after the number.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=_NUM_+USD%2C_NUM_+dollars%2C_NUM_+pounds%2C_NUM_+sterling%2C_NUM_%24%2C%24_NUM_%2C+_NUM_+Dollars&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20USD%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20dollars%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20pounds%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20sterling%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20%24%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C%24%20_NUM_%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2C_NUM_%20Dollars%3B%2Cc0

Correction:
but "the average spent for business purposes fell" seems to distort the basis on which the data was collected.

Hi buRAK!

British Council recommend spending about 20 minutes on Task 1, so when practising it might be a good idea to aim for just over 150 words: yours is 284.

British Council provide a model answer here:

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_Model_Answers.pdf

The introduction is short (20 words/one sentence), and foreshadows categories without going into detail.

The overview/conclusion is also shorter than yours (18 words/1 sentence), and summarizes just general trends and differences. Simon generally suggests two sentences for the overview.

For the body paragraphs giving the detail, the aim is to rise above band 5 "recounts detail mechanically". One approach would be select some details (not necessarily all) which support the overview statements.

There is no need to recount everything; equally one should take care to mention all three categories and cover the whole two decades in some way.

Could you post a shorter 160-word version please?

Also: "In overall".

Finally, re "obviously", "clearly": "some people find them annoying or obnoxious."
"It is evident that" is a safer bet.

https://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/10797/the-use-of-words-such-as-clearly-obviously-etc-in-a-technical-paper

Fruzi:

i'm impressed! you are doing a great job!

Hi Rachel !

1) There are three trend lines on the graph, and we are talking about one specific set of trends (NZ) so "the daily spending trends for three different categories" is more accurate and shorter.

2) "(an) increasing trend" suggests that the trend is becoming more widespread, NOT that it is an "upward trend".

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/trend

3) "And it is still interesting to know that": this phrase does not come up at all in Google books. Perhaps it is a direct translation from Hindi?

4) When looking for the overall trends and differences the fluctuations are not really important at all. Thus:

Overall, people who visited for business purposes seemed to decrease their spending, whereas/while the expenditure of travellers for on vacation or visiting friends or relatives showed an upward trend during this period.

5) Band 7 mentions "differences", so somehow it might be appropriate to add another sentence to the overview, comparing the three categories, mentioning that spending while visiting friends/relatives was always ranked third, much lower than the others.

This would then tie in to paras 3&4.

Hi Sheldon

tourists == visitors: NOT!

cost <> spend

"the cost of people spending during holiday ranked top one": did you mean:
"mean daily vacationer spending ranked the highest".

Cheers Amy

CuongPX:

"...,despite all of them experienced many fluctuations."

https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/quick-grammar/spite-despite-although

My overview of the graph would be:

1) All three peak around year five, but vacationers go on to recover.

2) Business falls from first to second place, but visiting friends/relatives remains a distant third.

Thanks Oleg. I really need 7
Will try to write better next time
My score stuck at 6 i guess. I could manage to increase the score in other sections but only writing i stuck at same point.
Could u give any advice to increase to 7 from 6?
Is it a big difference between them?

Rachel

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/07/ielts-writing-task-2-from-band-65-to-band-7.html


https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf

In general, Band 7 reads clearly first time, much like normal English.

My advice would be to post an improved submission in the light of all the comments here!

"visitor for on business" or "business travellers"

"spent the highest level" -> had the highest level of spending

"untill" -> until

"decreased continuously" -> declined steadily

"remained same level till 2017" -> remained steady/ flattened out.

https://www.ozdic.com/collocation-dictionary/trend

The graph illustrates how three main factors affected the average daily expenses by global tourists to New Zealand from 1997 to 2007.

Overall, it is clear that the most visitors were spending their expenditure on commercial purpose; while some of the foreign tourists were interested spent the costs on their trips, comparatively it is less popular reason for visiting friends or family members.

The line graph shows the average daily money spent by visitors to New Zealand for business, holiday and visiting relatives from 1997 to 2017. In general, the trending of all 3 categories is quite the same: increase strongly and quickly in 2000s, decreases deeply in 2005s, and goes go slightly in 2017. In 2000s, for example, the amount of money that businessmen spent is about 330 dollar, and 5 years later, this number decreased more than a half to 180 dollar and continued going down until 2017, was up to 240 dollar.

The graph below shows the average daily spend of three categories of international visitor to New Zealand from 1997 to 2017

The line graph illustrates the expenditures of international visitors to New Zealand for a twenty years period between 1997 and 2017.

It is clear that people spent higher money for aiming of business and holiday than visiting friends or relatives for whole of a twenty years period. The daily spend money decreased between 1997 and 2017 for business category whereas people spent more money for holiday and visiting friends during this period.All of the three categories showed increasement between 1997 and 2004 years.

In 1997, people approximately spent 260 , 200 ,120 USD for business trips, holiday and visiting friends, respectively. The amount of money spent for business trip showed significant fell between 2004 and 2017 years to 200 USD that is about 30 % lesser than the 1997 expenditure.

People spent more money for aiming of vacation in a twenty years period that showed an approximately about 20 % from 200 to 240 USD ,respectively.However this group of expendure showed fluctuation containing both of increase and decrease period but at the managed to increase up to 240 USD between 2004 and 2017 years.

(The plan) After the overview, one approach is to write just one longish sentence on each category as a separate paragraph, using gerunds to avoid repeating the subject, and emphasizing the current situation, and making comparisons between categories:

Overview: All three categories peaked in the early 2000s......

Holiday and vacation spending was the only category to show a distinct recovery, finishing the survey period with the top figure of ...

Business visitor spending was the most erratic, starting the period as the highest, and ending lower ....

People visiting friends/relatives ...

(Conclusion) In general, daily spending by visitors to New Zealand has already bottomed out.

Freya:

"Factors" seems to be misleading here; they are just categories based on "reason for your visit".

burak

Better, but still too much detail in the overview paragraph beginning "It is clear ...". Try cutting it to just two sentences, one about the overall trend, the other about overall differences. See:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/11/ielts-writing-task-1-a-more-general-overview.html

To me, your last two paragraphs seem somewhat jumbled and have too many figures. See Oleg's approach above and maybe try rewriting as three paragraphs, each focusing on one category, beginning:

1) Holiday and vacation spending...

2) Business visitor spending ...

3) People visiting friends/relatives ...

Try writing each paragraph without figures first, and then add just one number per paragraph.

Hope to see your next version soon!

It is almost 'fun' to try to complete the following sentences without mentioning any numbers or precise dates:

1) When compared to the other categories, holiday and vacation spending ...

2) Of all the categories, business visitor spending ....

3) Unlike the others, spending in the group visiting friends/relatives ...

Thanks Fruzi and Oleg,
Your comments help me alot.
Here's my rewrite answer. Could you guys suggest me the errors and band score of that written? :)

The line graph depicts the daily expenditure of visitors who came to New Zealand in terms of their purpose between 1997 and 2007.

Overall, the average spent for business purpose fell significantly while the figures for traveling and visiting friends or relatives rose slightly, although all of them experienced many fluctuations. In addition, the amount of spent for visiting friends or relatives was by far the lowest figure during the period shown.

In 1997, the daily expenses for business was the highest, with nearly $260, while the figures for traveling and visiting friends was around $180 and less than $120 respectively. From 1997 to around 2003, all of three categories had the same significant increase before falling extremely to around $210 for traveling, $180 for business and around $170 for visiting friends.

From 2003 to 2015, daily spending for business witnessed a strong fluctuation while the figures for traveling had slight increase to 240$ and that of visiting friends continue falling to around 120$. By 2017, three categories had been increased slightly.

CuongPX

"for business purposes"

Just the last two paragraphs seem to tend toward "recounts detail mechanically". They need to better support and "tie in with" the overview statements. To me it would be clearer to deal with only one category/line at a time, and cover the whole period, especially the final placings.

Could I suggest you complete Fruzi's little challenge above first? The results might form a better basis on which to build the second half of your answer.

The line graph presents the typical amount of money outlay by foreign tourist to New Zealand, over 10 year period, from 1997 to 2017. There were three categories noted which include business, vacation or holiday and visiting friends or relatives. An overview of the graphs showed fluctuation trends for all categories.

In 1997, foreigners allocated their money mostly in business with 260 million USD. Moreover, it can be seen that business-related expenditure plummeted in 2004 to 180 USD and it fluctuated until 2017. On the other hand, holiday/vacation related expenditures to New Zealand ranges from 190 USD to 150 USD over a 10 year period. In addition, it can be clearly seen that the lowest money spent by foreigners were on visiting friends and family that ranged from 118 USD to 139 USD only.

In conclusion, business-related expenditure was the biggest amount of money spent by the foreigners, while visiting friends and family was the least priority of foreigners in terms of spending their money in New Zealand.

The line graph displays the average spending of tourist visiting New Zealand on business, holiday/vacation and visiting friends or relatives between 1997 and 2017.

It can be seen that the average daily expenditure of visitors going to New Zealand decreases over the 20-year period, although many fluctuations can be seen throughout the period. Furthermore, the trends for the three categories are similar.

In 1997, daily expenditure of tourist in New Zealand for business, holiday/vacation and visit friends or relatives were around $255, $190 and $110 respectively. Over the following 3 years, average spending increases gradually until it fluctuates between 2001 and 2002.

In the year 2003, a sharp dropped of expenditure can be observed among the 3 categories, with average spending in business ($180), holiday ($200) and visit friends or relatives ($175) respectively. Between 2007 and 2017, the spending of an international tourist in business and holiday/vacation fluctuated throughout the 10-year period. In 2017, the average daily spending of tourist in Business and holiday were about $210 and $250 respectively.

On the other hand, daily spending in visiting friends or relatives remained the least spender among the 3 categories, with average spending about $140 in 2017.

1) A tourist is "Someone who travels for pleasure rather than for business." People traveling on business would probably object to being described as tourists.

2) My understanding is that there is no penalty for using a phrase of up to three words from the question, so we do not need to paraphrase every word. British Council state: "do not copy whole sentences from the question – you will receive no marks for this". See:
https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/05/students-questions-how-examiners-score-writing.html

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/prepare-your-test/test-day-advice/writing-test-advice

@Ula
"Mean" (as an adjective) can mean the same as "average", but "typical" is slightly different:

https://www.ldoceonline.com/dictionary/typical

@Lemuelle Bryan Corsame

Check your usage of "furthermore":
https://www.eslcafe.com/grammar/conjunctive_adverbs04.html

3) At the top of this page is Simon's tip "Ignore the fluctuations. Focus on overall trends and a few key figures." To me, your detail paragraphs would benefit by from more focus on supporting the overview, and bringing out the unique aspects of each category. Focusing on each category in turn may produce better structure overall, and more focus to each paragraph, and reduce the need to keep repeating the category names/labels. My suggestion would be to rewrite paragraphs three and four with this in mind.

3) I see no point in mentioning fluctuations more than once: nor are they such a key trend or difference that should be in the overview.

4) "On the other hand" - too obtrusive. A separate paragraph already indicates a slight change in topic. Band 9 states: "uses cohesion in such a way that it
attracts no attention".

5) Either "daily spending (in) visiting friends or relatives remained the least spender among the 3 categories":
OR
People visiting friends or relatives spent less per day than the others, averaging...

@Ula

a) British Council state: "Don’t over-use linking words or phrases or use inappropriately – this could become confusing or irritating for the reader. Also don’t always use linking words at the beginning of sentences – show more variety." See:

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/IELTS%20Writing-%20Coherence%20&%20Cohesion.pdf

b) I disagree with your conclusion that "business-related expenditure was the biggest amount of money spent by the foreigners". This was not really true from 2004 onwards. Business ranks second at survey-end, and visiting family/friends a distant third (see Oleg above).

c) There is no need to mention the category labels in the introduction:

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_Model_Answers.pdf

Thus para 1:
The line graph presents spending (money outlaid) by foreign visitors to New Zealand, classified (broken down) by purpose of visit, over a twenty year period to 2017.

d) Picking up and repeating the word "category" at the beginning of each detail paragraph will create cohesion less obtrusively :

Para 2: (Spending in) the business category was the highest....

Para 3: (Expenditure in) the holiday/vacation category ranged from ....

Para 4: (The average daily spend by) people visiting family/friends ....

Para 5: In conclusion, ....

e) "Plummet" is a fiction or journalistic word: "dropped sharply" would be better for Task 1.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=plummeted%2Cfell+heavily%2Cdropped+sharply%2Cfell+sharply%2Cfell+suddenly%2C+plummeted%3Aeng_fiction_2012&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cplummeted%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfell%20heavily%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdropped%20sharply%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfell%20sharply%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cfell%20suddenly%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cplummeted%3Aeng_fiction_2012%3B%2Cc0

f) Band 5 does say "may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution". But repeating a key word may sometimes aid cohesion. The usual alternatives such as "class" or "cohort" or "group" do not seem to work on this occasion.

The line graph compares the three diferent activities of daily spending of Internonal visitors to New Zealand in a period of 20 years.

The line graph illustrates the amount of money spent each day by overseas visitors, who had different reasons for visiting New Zealand between 1997 and 2017.

Overall, the spending of visitors who went for business purposes declined considerably, while there was an increase in the other two categories.

International visitors who went there for work, spent just under 260 dollars per day in 1997, and then their spending rose sharply to well above $330, before falling steeply to 180 dollars before 2005. After that, their daily spending fluctuated between $140 and $260 and finished in 2017 with well under $220.


In 1997, international tourists spent each day well under 200 dollars. Although their spending was lower than international businessmen in 1997, their daily spending overtook in the end of the period with nearly $250. Visitors who traveled to see their friends and family members spent the lowest amount of money throughout the period. However, there was a sharp growth in the first few years from just under $120 to $220 but it went down to almost 140 dollars per day in 2017.

@Mahnaz
" the amount of money spent each day": no, it was not the same every day, it was an average.

"International visitors ... spent averaged just under 260 dollars per day in 1997.... "

Also, there are words such as "peak" (verb), and "recover" (implying a previous peak and trough), "bottomed out", "flattened out" which might be useful and more descriptive.

Numbers, numbers, numbers: they mean nothing to financially illiterate people like me. Please tell me in words.


Hello,
I have a question about writing test.
During the test, may i make a note on the question paper?
I dindt know the rule, so I was afraid of making a note on that.
If anybody know about it, plz let me know

@Mahnaz

For example something like:

Business visitors used to spend far more than the others, but all this changed around 2004. Since then the trend has been for them to spend somewhat less than vacationers, but still substantially more than people visiting friends and family.

All three categories peaked around 2003, but only vacation spending has demonstrated an ongoing if modest recovery....

QUOTING FIGURES

A typical task 1 instruction makes no mention of quoting detail:

"Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_questions.pdf

Mr sjm made the comment:

"The difference between a 7 and 8 is sometimes seen in the 'amount' of information. An 8 level Task Achievement might include more comparisons, for example, or might be able to show a greater interpretation of the data. A 7 would probably state more numbers directly (eg: 73) whereas an 8 would be more descriptive (eg: almost three quarters)."

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/11/ielts-writing-task-1-a-more-general-overview.html

The public band descriptors only state: "with information appropriately selected" down at band 6.

It seems then that, as a general guideline, the fewer figures quoted, the better. This is actually more demanding in terms of vocabulary.

Looking at the spending graph above, the figures are so variable that no single figure is properly representative. Nor is fair or meaningful to quote the peaks alone.

My suggestion would be to quote only the most stable figure: "spending by people visiting friends or relatives averaged around $130 per day from 2010 onwards."

All other "figures" can be related to that one figure:

"Spending by vacationers was generally somewhat less than double that figure, and after 2005 the business category for the most part a little lower still."

Also, looking at the data overall, it might be fair to state:

"All three lines seem to largely have quite similar trends, which would lend support to the view that they are at least partly influenced by the same factors, except insofar as the business category slumped more heavily than the rest."

In short, my understanding is that the real goal is fewer figures, more comparisons and trends.

The line graph compares the average daily expenses by tourist to New Zealand categorised by their purposes of visit between 1997 and 2017.

It is clear that people who went to New Zealand to visit friends or relatives spent the least amount of money throughout the period. Furthermore, the spending of three categories increased to their peaks in the early 2000s, but decreased afterward.

At the beginning of 1997, visitors to New Zealand for business purposes spent the largest amount of money, at $260 per day, compared to those for holidays or vacation at half this amount, and visitors for visiting friends or relatives at only $120 per day. These figures saw a gradual increase over the following 5 years, and all reached their peaks around the year 2002.

At the end of 2005, all figures experienced a significant decrease, with the average daily spending by business visitors decreasing by $120 and the figure for the other two categories both dropping by $60. From 2005 to 2017, the figure for visitors for business purposes kept fluctuating at a level around $200. In contrast, tourists for holidays saw a slight increase, with the daily spending for this group gradually rising to $250 in 2017, while the spending for those visiting friends and relatives continuously dropped to about $120 over the same period.

@Zoe
221 (quite readable) words.

@Zoe
"the average daily expenses by tourist to New Zealand categorised by their purposes of visit" -> the average daily expenses of visitors to New Zealand categorised by(according to) the purpose of their visit

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=by+the+purposes+of%2Cby+the+purpose+of%2C*+by+the+purpose+of%2Cby+the+purpose+of+their%2C+according+to+the+purpose+of&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cby%20the%20purposes%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cby%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2C%2A%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Bdetermined%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bguided%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdictated%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binfluenced%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bjustified%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bgoverned%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bdefined%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Banimated%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Bmotivated%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Band%20by%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cby%20the%20purpose%20of%20their%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Caccording%20to%20the%20purpose%20of%3B%2Cc0

"peak" works well as a verb.

"The line graph shows the average daily expenses of foreign visitors to New Zealand on three main activities within a 20-year period.
It is clear that the expenses dramatically rose until around 2003 and plummeted right after. Spending on relative or friend visit had been the lowest.
In 1997, foreigners in New Zealand spent the most on business trips at more or less 250 dollars which is approximately 50 dollars more than what guests spent on holiday or vacation, just under 200 dollars. Expenditure on family or friend visit was the lowest at almost a 100 dollar difference. These figures increased rapidly until early 2000 when they reached their peaks, spending on business stood at around 330 dollars, the highest among the three, followed by holiday expense at 270 dollars and family or friend visits at just under 220 dollars.
The rest of the period in question saw expenses on business and vacation fluctuating between 140 and 260 dollars and 200 and 250 dollars, respectively. Spending on visit to family and friends was in steady decline finishing the lowest at more or less 140 dollars while expenses on business took over that of holiday."

Any comment is deeply appreciated. Thank you.

@timothy
"Foreigners" and "guests" would include people working in NZ on temporary visas and permits. No need to substitute anything for the key word "visitors".

"Reason for visit" would be a better substitute for "purpose for visit", if required.

"dramatically rose" -> rose steeply (better word order and more prosaic)

Also see comments on other people's essays above. Many seem relevant.

@Hue

Thanks for your comments!
I found it hard to make it shorter but include the details selected. Also, I spent more than 20 minutes on this.

@Zoe
My idea is to practise getting the content and length (160) right first, and worry about the timing later.

"The line graph shows the average daily expenses of visitors to New Zealand between 1997 and 2017, categorised according to the purpose of their visit." (participle clause)

It is clear that the expenses dramatically rose until around 2003 and plummeted right after. (Why not state overall trend for the whole period?) Spending on visits to relatives or friends visit had been was consistently the lowest, while business spending slipped back into second place."

Changing the overview and selection alters and shortens the detail paragraphs.

"All categories peaked ... XYZ recovered ..."

A sentence on each line would then suffice. Checkout Fruzi and Oleg above.

@Zoe

One approach is to build around the three categories:

Para 1: The line graph shows the mean daily visitor spending in New Zealand between 1997 and 2017, broken down into three categories.

Para 2: The first category, holidaymakers and vacationers, was ....

Para 3: Meanwhile, business visitors ...

Para 4: The remaining category, those visiting family/friends, remained ..

Conclusion: Overall, all three categories seem to ...

@timothy
[from 2000 onwards] "Spending on visits to family and friends was in steady decline": my view would be that, more significantly, it flattens or bottoms out from 2010 onward.

"Spending on visiting relatives or friends visit had been was the lowest throughout (the period under consideration). "

For me, the third paragraph beginning "In 1997" has too much detail and figures. Better to clearly state the trends and rankings in words without figures.

In my view, it is often a mistake simply to quote figures. Better to provide the proportion/comparison instead. For example:
"250 dollars which is approximately 50 dollars more than .."
-> business spending peaked at significantly/substantially/considerably /much/materially/somewhat/notably more than...

The chart illustrates the average amount of money spent daily on three categories of visitors to New Zealand between 1997 and 2017. Overall, over the twenty years, daily spend of visitors on holiday or vacation as well as visiting friends or relatives experienced slight increases, while the opposite was true for the business figure. Especially, daily spend on socializing purposes was significantly lower than the other groups.

As can be seen from the graph, the amount of money spent daily on holiday or vacation increased sharply from around $190 in 1997 to $290 in 2003. After reaching a peak in 2003, it surfured a significant fall to $200 in 2007 along with several fluctuations between $200 and $230 in the next nine years and finally it grew gradually to $250 at the end of the period. Likewise, the figure for daily spend on visiting friends or relatives witnessed rapid growth by over $100 throughout the first five years. Afterward, daily spend on socializing purposes dropped considerably to the 1997 level, but then rose slightly to $140 in 2017.

In contrast, daily spend on business grew gradually by approximately $80 after the first five years and then plunged to $180 in 2004. During the next ten – year period, the figure for this group fluctuated between $150 to $250 before stabilized at under $220 in 2017.

@Penny

An examiner made the following comment (Task 1B script B):

"In order to gain a higher mark for content, the candidate would be expected to select the salient features of the graph and comment primarily on these."

https://www.ielts.org/-/media/pdfs/113313_ac_sample_scripts.ashx?la=en

This model answer quotes just six figures:

https://www.cambridgeenglish.org/images/ielts-academic-writing-task-1-activity.pdf

This model answer quotes just seven:

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/Writing_practice_test_1_IELTS_Academic_Model_Answers.pdf

Your answer is 224 words, compared to 150+ required. In the exam, timing is vital, and time is precious, so selecting only the "salient features" is key.

Also, somewhere Mr Simon recommends making the overview a separate paragraph.

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/09/ielts-writing-task-1-line-graphs.html

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/04/ielts-writing-task-1-line-graph-details-tips.html

Simon puts about 7-8 figures in his model answers for graphs:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/07/ielts-writing-task-1-line-graph.html

@Penny

Your third paragraph shortened by 40 words:

The amount of money spent daily on holiday or vacation increased sharply from around $190 in 1997, peaking at $290 in 2003, before falling back and recovering to $250 at the end of the period. Likewise, the figure for daily spend on visiting friends or relatives witnessed rapid growth by over $100 throughout the first five years, but then dropped back to the 1997 level, before rallying to $140 in 2017.

The line graph compares the average daily spending in terms of three different purposes by foreign visitors to New Zealand between 1997 and 2017.

It is noticeable that the spend of visiting friends or relatives cost relatively less than the other two types. Meanwhile, average cost of business saw a dramatic decrease over the period shown.

In 1997, average cost for those who visiteing friends or relatives was less than $120 everyday while the other two groups of visitors, for holiday and business purposes, cost around $190 and less than $260 per day. However, by 2000, the spending for business fluctuated and followed by a considerable fall in the next few years, dropped by approximately $50 per day.
Similar trend showed during the same period in terms of those coming for vacation or visiting their friends or relatives.

By the year of 2010, after reaching its peak at $220 per day , the average daily spending by relatives visitors went down to only $140. During the same period, the daily basis cost for those businessmen represented a decreasing trend with a strong fluctuation. Only people went on a holiday seemed to maintain a stable increased average daily spending till the year of 2017.

@Nikiea

1) "However, by 2000, the spending for business had fluctuated"
"By the year of 2010,...spending...went had gone down... "

If we have "by + time/date" in the past, it usually requires a past perfect as the action happened before the time/date specified.

(Compare future perfect: By 2050 population will have increased to...)

2) "average cost", "similar trend": these are singular countable nouns, so will need a/the or this/that/each/every/its..

3) $120 everyday -> $120 per day (it is an average, not each and every day)

4) "spending for business fluctuated ": yes, it did fluctuate, but "was rising steeply toward its highest point" or "began to rise toward its peak" would highlight the trend.

5) "by 2000, the spending for business fluctuated and this was followed by": "follow" must have an object or be passive. All meanings marked "transitive": https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/follow

6) "dropped by ..." ->dropping by: https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/en/english-grammar/verbs/ing-forms

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2017/12/ielts-writing-task-1-using-model-sentences.html

7) "A similar trend showed was evident .... "

8) "the daily basis cost for those businessmen represented a decreasing trend " -> the daily average for those on business showed a downward trend.

9) "Only people went on a holiday seemed to maintain a stable increased average daily spending till the year of 2017."

Usually a singular countable noun requires an article/determiner, but there are many fixed phrases such as "on holiday", "at home" where there is no article, as the sense of the noun is general.

Dear M'ambo,

Thank you so much for correcting me, it's really helpful.

The line graph gives us information about average daily spending by visitors to New Zealand from 1997 - 2017 for 3 kinds of occasions, namely for business, holiday, and for visiting friends or relatives.

Visitors whose went to New Zealand for visiting friend or relatives are the kind of visitors whose spent less money than the other kinds of visitors.

Visitors whose went to New Zealand for business took the first place only from 1997 to 2004. After 2004, visitors whose went to New Zealand for business have a huge decrease in amount of money they had spent in New Zealand. Huge decrease of daily spending from visitors whose visited New Zealand in 2004 for business makes visitors whose went to New Zealand for business and holiday constantly switch their position as a visitors whose spend a huge amount of money since 2004 to 2014.

@Ferdian
1) Word-count = 145.

2) Delete "us":

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=graph+gives+us+information%2Cgraph+gives+information%2Cgraph+provides+information%2Cgraph+illustrates%2Cgraph+presents+information%2Cinformation+*_ADP+average&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cgraph%20gives%20information%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgraph%20provides%20information%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgraph%20illustrates%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cgraph%20presents%20information%3B%2Cc0%3B.t2%3B%2Cinformation%20%2A_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%2Cs0%3B%3Binformation%20on_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20about_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20as_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20of_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20for_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20than_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0%3B%3Binformation%20that_ADP%20average%3B%2Cc0

3) Single-word numbers are usually spelt out in formal English, so "three" not "3".

4) "Visitors whose went to New Zealand for visiting friend ".. sounds like Spanish or Portuguese grammar; English people would say "to visit....".

5) I would not be shy about using "category" from the question header: AFAIK, this would incur no penalty. "Kind" is not a good substitute: "group", "class", "cohort" are all good.

6) Your overview identifies the main differences, but fails to identify any main trends, which is also an essential requirement: "All three categories peaked soon after the turn of the century, and, after trending downward, flattened out over the last decade".

7) In the third paragraph the phrase "visitors whose went to New Zealand for business" is repeated. Repeating long phrases is a no-no, as it suggests lack of vocabulary on your part. The first two sentences could be joined with "but" and "they".

8) "in the amount of": a set phrase.

9) AFAIK, using terminology/labels from the graph is not going to lose marks. E.G.: "business visitors", "vacationers", "visitors on business", "those visiting friends and family". These phrases would make your last (too-convoluted) sentence much clearer

10) There should be some extra sentences to provide some trend/ranking/detail description regarding vacation spending and the bottom category. It is important to make sure that each category and all the time period are covered properly.

@Kata

I appreciate your response. I also noticed that i was lazy to write the exact amount of money that already spent by each group.

The line graph compares three types of foreign visitor to New Zealand in terms of daily expenditures during the period of 20 years between 1997 and 2017.
Money spent on visiting friends or relatives always remains the lowest during the period shown. While the expenditure for Business purpose decrease dramatically, the money people spend for Holiday has been rising and reach the highest at approximately $250 per day.
In 2000, The highest expenditure is for Business purpose with $320/day, while Expenditure on Holiday and Visiting purpose was $220/day and $180/day respectively. After 10 years, expenditure on Holiday became the highest with almost $220/day, money spent on Business fell to $170/day and Visiting expenditure remains the lowest with $140/day. The ranking remains the same after another 7 years with some significant changes when Expenditure on Business drop $100, expenditure on Holiday grows only $30 and expenditure for Visiting purpose drops $45.
Although in 2017, people spend most money on Holiday, the highest expenditure during the period shown is for Business purpose with almost $340/day in 2001-2002. Before 2000, the expenditure spent for Visiting purpose is even less than $120/day, and until 2017, this still the category with the lowest expenditure that only grows $20 after more than 17 years.

Hi simon and everyone.
Please help me correct and improve my score.
The graph compares the average amount of money witch tourists spend on three different categories (Business,Holiday/vacation and visiting friends or relatives)in New Zealand over a period of 20 years.

Overall, it is clear that there were not stable trends for all items.Over the whole period given,figure for visiting friends or relatives was by far the least one, while Business was the highest most of years.

At firs,the money spent on business was somewhere in the vicinity of $260,whereas the figure for visiting friends or relatives was close to $120.The difference between them was more than double.by 2000,a dramatic rise have shown for all items, and have reached to about $320,$220,$180 respectively.

From 2000 to 2017,figures for business and visiting friends saw a downward trend which was accompanied by fluctuation. In 2017, the most money was roughly $250 spent on vacation,meanwhile the least money was spent on visiting friends that was approximately $140.

The table compares the average amount spent everyday by visitors to New Zealand on three different categories between 1997 and 2017.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the average spending expenditure from 1997 to 2003 irrespective of purpose, followed by a long period of decline. Also, people going to New Zealand paid the least for visiting friends or relatives throughout the give period.

In 1997, travellers to New Zealand spent just below $260 on business, about $200 holiday and vacation and around $120 for visiting friends or relatives respectively. Average spending then saw an increase across all three categories, with the figure for business in particular reaching about $330 in 2003, the highest for the entire period.

From 2003, after a steep decline to just over $180, visitor spending on business fluctuated wildly even though there was a slight upward trend from 2013 to 2017. By contrast, the figure for holiday and vacation dropped to $200 in 2005, oscillated and recovered since 2013 to around $250 in 2017. Finally, the amount of money used to visit friends or relatives also declined from 2013 to 2017 to just below $140, which is just $20 highher than the figure for the year 1997.

Yes, I know it sucks

The line chart displays there kinds of different visitors' average daily spending in New Zealand between 1997 and 2017.
The expenditure trend for three categories of the international visitor was similar. Before the year of 2004, people who had a business trip to New Zealand spent most, alway over 180 dollars each day. After that, it showed an unstable trend for the business cost, sometimes lower than the visitors who spent the holiday. No matter which year, the visitors who arrived in New Zealand visiting friends or relatives cost the least money, rang from 110 to 200 dollar per day.
It was obvious that visitors paid least daily spending in the year of 2014, visitors who came to visit their friends cost less than 120 dollars, business men spend about 142 dollars, and tourists were much higher than there other two groups, spend 200 dollars each day for their vacation.

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