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Saturday, February 04, 2017

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Personally, I don't think it's appropriate to write the background sentence like this. This one is like a template that can be used in any essay and is more like a paraphrase of the question. I reckon this student has some misunderstanding of the essay form, am I right?

However, I think he/she has some language problems as well. That is, "However" cannot be used as a conjunction to link two clauses together in this situation.

This student must work on his language.

The problem in the language

I think language is main concern of this introduction. In my opinion he/she used some inappropriate words that's why it is making me confuse what writer is trying to convey.

Hi Simon

some in your essay you wrote this sentence in introduction.

"In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure."

I am having a question why you wrote could why not can in this sentence.

Kindly explain i will be grateful if you give reply to my comment.

The student introduces the topic, states his standpoint and gives an indication of where the essay is going. So a proper introduction.
The student seems to have a wide range of vocabulary at his command, but often misuses it, for example the normal phrase is: "the difference between right and wrong". Also the preposition after "views" is simply "on", not "regarding on".
So more work on collocations and language is needed.

Language: working on collocations and how to activate them as part of one's active knowledge of language seem to be the key to solving writing (and speaking) problems.

there is a great weekly programme by BBC called The Why Factor broadcast on Fridays. I strongly advise it to upper-intermediate students. It's cool and there are many and more things to learn from its language. You can find the programme on the BBC website or just do a little Google search.

All the best!

"the question of whether/how/when children should be punished" seems to be the correct. Is there an easier way?

Hi Simon Sir,

Thank you so much for your advises, tips and guidances. I could score 7.5 on IELTS(Academic).

Thanks again,
Poonam

I have tried to correct mistakes, but I am not sure if I have made any mistakes ?

There are different views on whether children should be punished for their bad behaviors . From my perspective, some punishments are necessary in order to teach children to distinguish right from wrong . However, physical punishments are not always effective and should be discouraged as resentmeant may increase. Instead, other form of punishments should be considered .

@lucy According to Wiktionary.com "behaviors" is an Americanism. Why not simply "for bad behaviour" ?
Why the space in front of a period/full stop?
To me, "From my perspective" suggests that the writer is a player in the situation - the child/teacher/parent; why not "In my view", echoing 'view' from the opening?

Hi simon sir i am new a student at your blog...

please also tell us some ways to learn new vocabulary words..

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