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Thursday, September 22, 2016

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So good example of writing task1, but it is my big problem because i don't know how to discribe the graph, really no idea about this. I hope you will post more examples of writing task1 style. My exams date will be on 22 October 2016.

It is so easy and so hard at the same time to describe a graph like in any creative work. For example in writting this comment, even if you have an idea what to say or write, you can write maximum a few sentences. But it is not extremely enough for band 9. And it is hard to relate even the example to that score because there are not so called the advanced phrases, you know. Anyway, here is the good sentences, right structure of description, smoothly and logical.

Dear Simon,

Why is it'were enrolled' not only 'enrolled' ?

Thanks a lot.

Also, shouldn't we add 'in 2014' at the end of the last sentence as the changes you described in that sentence are true in that year only?

Thanks for your advice on this issue.

Dear Simon,

I would like to ask if we have to give more details on thr trend happening on athletics, a sharp increase from 2010 to 2012? Cheers.

Dear Simon,

Why do you use "Looking" in the 4th paragraph?

Thanks!

Dear Simon,
I also have a question for you. Why did you use "only 2 million children were enrolled in swimming clubs"? why is not " enrolled in"
Thanks!

This is a very nice work, I must confess. I have a few questions I would like to ask so that I can improve my understanding. To start with, why did the writer introduce 'extra materials' swimming clubs and average monthly salary? This bothers me because I don't want to be penalised

Next, if I didn't compare the stability in football participation with the continuous change in the other sport, but chose to highlight the alteration between swimming and athletics, will this matter much?

I'll be waiting your Feedback. Thanks

FROM SIMON:

Sehoeung,

Look through the writing task 1 category on this site, and you'll find lots more example answers.

...

Lana and Sam,

I wrote "were enrolled" because I'm assuming that the children's parents enrolled them. It's normal in English to talk about children "being enrolled in something" rather than "enrolling themselves".

By the way, "were enrolled" implies that the children were members of a swimming club. The graph doesn't really show this, but I decided to use the phrase because I think it would impress the examiner!

...

Lana,

You could add "in 2014" at that point, but I had already mentioned "over the following 6 years", so it seems clear to me that the last sentence refers to that time period too.

...

Andy,

You can add more information if you have time. However, there is never enough time to include everything in writing task 1. You are expected to make difficult choices about the information that you include.

...

Francis,

I included "clubs" just for a bit of variety, but I don't think I wrote anything about "salaries" - it's about average monthly spending.

As I said to Andy above, you will always have to make choices about the information that you include. Neither choice is better or worse.

I got this sample from other source. I read it carefully and found such big difference from your writing. If you don't mind, would you like to give your comment about this writing style?


Model answer

There are several similarities between what younger and older people say makes them most happy. However, there are several striking differences.

Firstly, let us look at the similarities. It is noticeable that for both younger and older people, the highest percentage says that achievement at work brings them most happiness: 31% for the younger age group and 32% for the older group. Doing hobbies is also very important for both groups: the second largest percentage of both age groups mention doing hobbies as making them most happy.

Turning now to the differences, many younger people regard having a good appearance as extremely important: 18% of them state this brings them most happiness. This is followed by 15% who state that travel brings them happiness. Neither of these two factors is mentioned by older people. Instead, 20% of older people report that having financial security is most important to their happiness and 14% say they feel most happy when they are with their family. are with their family.

Hi simon,
I wonder if it's encouraged(or if it's okay) to use well-defined statistical terms such as 'linear/exponential growth' in place of more general phrases like 'gradual/rapid rise'. thanks
cheers

the given two charts illustrates the average expenditure spend on children's sports by British parents and number of children who participated in football, athelitic and swimming from 2008 to 2014.
Overall,there is a rapid increased in the spending money on children's sports by their parents.the highest number of children took part in football as compared with other two sports.
In 2008 , British parents spend 20pound each in three different sports for their children and their spending keeps on increasing.by 2014, average monthly spend on sports is around 30 pound.
In terms of participation in sports, in 2008 more than 7.5 million children take part in football where as only 2.5 million student took part in swimming .however , less than 1 million children played in athelitic.children participation in football remain stable in following year .in contrast,number of children who participated in swimming and athelitic increased .(4 million children and 5 million children respectively)

Hi Simon,

Where can I post my writing for this question for you to mark/comment?

Thank you.

-DIANA, MALAYSIA-

The line graphs indicate the spending in pounds by British parents on their children's sport from 2008 to 2014 and the three sports that the children involved in which included football, athletics and swimming.

As you can see from the first graph, the monthly spending grow rapidly from 2008 to 2014. It shows an increment over the six-year period. For the number of children that participated in the three sports, swimming showed a steady growth throughout the years while there was a fluctuation in a number of children that participated in football and athletics.

From both graphs, we can conclude that the number of children who participated in sports in Britain contributed to the increment of money spent by British parents on their children's sports.

Hai Simon,
Please, check my writing

The charts compare the rate of British parents spent money for their children's sports between 2008 and 2014, and the level of three kinds of sports were taken by children in the same period. It can be clearly seen that the highest amount of money which was spent by British parents on the children's sports were in 2014 about 33 pounds, and football was the most popular sport in all of over period than other sports.

According to the first graph, the rates of money were spent by British parents in 2008 which started about 20 pounds, and climbed up dramatically for the next period about 25 pounds. In 2012, it rose gradually be 28 pounds, and increased steadily around 33 pounds in 2014.

On the other hand, the number of children took sports in 2008 which athletics, swimming, and football were 1, 2.5, and 8 millions respectively. Athletics maintained stability, swimming increased slowly and football plunged slightly in 2010. In 2012, athletics shot up rapidly about 5 millions, swimming grew up gradually be 3 millions and football rose slowly around 9 millions. In the last period, athletics, swimming and football reached 4.5, 4 and 9.5 repectively.

To sum up, the highest amount of money that spent by British parents on their children's sports was in 2014 around 33 pounds, and from three kinds of sports, football is more preferred by children than athletics and swimming in all of periods.

Erise-Indonesia

Hi,simon

Why didn't you describe the fluctuation of athletics participation in the 4th paragraph (number increased till 2012 then slightly decreased afterwards) ?

The paragraph is supposed to be specific, right?

Hi Jiarui,

As you only have 20 minutes, you have to make difficult choices about what information to describe. You are not expected to include every single detail that is shown on the graph. In this case, I simply didn't have time to add that detail, but this is normal. A 20-minute report will never be 100% perfect.

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