Last week I asked you to try rewriting the third paragraph in this essay. The paragraph below is an edited compilation of students' ideas. I think it's good enough for a band 9.
On the other hand, I can understand the view taken by many people that artists should not expect the state to fund their work. Most musicians and the majority of painters make a living by performing or selling their artistic creations to fans or collectors; they would not expect to receive any help from their governments. Industry sponsorships can be another useful source of revenue for creative artists. For example, media companies like the mobile giant Apple are often willing to pay huge fees to inspirational designers who work on their advertising campaigns, product packaging, and even the appearance of their electronic devices. Finally, some artists may be lucky enough to receive donations from wealthy individuals.