IELTS Writing Task 1: full essay about 2 bar charts

Here's my full essay for the 'age group bar charts' question:

The bar charts compare students of different ages in terms of why they are studying and whether they are supported by an employer.

It is clear that the proportion of students who study for career purposes is far higher among the younger age groups, while the oldest students are more likely to study for interest. Employer support is more commonly given to younger students.

Around 80% of students aged under 26 study to further their careers, whereas only 10% study purely out of interest. The gap between these two proportions narrows as students get older, and the figures for those in their forties are the same, at about 40%. Students aged over 49 overwhelmingly study for interest (70%) rather than for professional reasons (less than 20%).

Just over 60% of students aged under 26 are supported by their employers. By contrast, the 30-39 age group is the most self-sufficient, with only 30% being given time off and help with fees. The figures rise slightly for students in their forties and for those aged 50 or more.

(178 words, band 9)

Comments

[ilker kocak]

Two-bar graph gives information abaout different age groups studying reasons and also employer support by each age group

it is clear from the grahs that expectencies change asa the ages grown up. while younger students are genereally studying for careeers elderely people are much more in their interests.Moreover employers support these career seeker students more than elderly students.

Students under the age of 26 are much more interested in carees for their studied. this percantage is highest for "under 26" age group which is %80 and this percantage decreases dramatically as they grown up. when they are at their forties half of them continue to study for their career but the other half choose their interest for as their main reason of study. this phenemeon reaches its highest level when they come to age 49

Employer support is highest for young students who are under 26.one can expecty that money spent decreases continuesly as the age goes up. but this not the actual case.employer support for students over age 49 is about %45 which is just below the money spent for 26-29 age group students. moreover employers support 40-49 age students more than age 30-39 age students

Simon can i take 6 for this essay

[zahra]

Hi Simon
In a just 20min under pressure of exam,how can we write as nice as this essay??!
That is perfect and without any error.
But i forget everything that i learn about task1 in exam time!
I'm better in writing task 2.
Just pray for me!

Zahra

[Shafaq]

Hi Simon and everyone,

Today i got my results i.e.
L : 8.5 , R : 8.5, S:7.0, W: 7.0
Overall : 8.0

Well, what to say, i am fine with this. Though i am surprised that why i got such a low band in speaking. I am intending to apply for employment, I dunno how much i need. Somebody suggested the higher the better.

Simon, i owe you a huge thanks for your resources. Its actually very generous of you to "teach" us everyday. I found your website a few days before my test but it made a huge difference.

I know i am not good at writing. But I would like to improve my writing skills. I really want to write good. Simon, how can i do it? I don't live in a native English speaking country though English is a prevalent source of instruction. But I really want to write good native English: simple yet effective. How to acquire those skills?

But again Simon, huge thanks. I really appreciate your efforts. :)

Good luck to everyone.

[musharaf]

hi shafaq
congratulations a lot.its a big effort n achievement.

[sandeep]

i m working woman i don't have time for college
n i searched yr book ace the ielts in all library.but i didn't find can u tell me how i can get that book.i live in eastbourne.my exam is on 4th of august.my English is not that much good.because i m Indian.please help me ..

[Jay]

Hi Simon

Can u give example of General Task 1 letter plz??

[nisha]

hello,
Just over 60% of students aged under 26 are supported by their employers. By contrast, the 30-39 age group is the most self-sufficient, with only 30% being given time off and help with fees. The figures rise slightly for students in their forties and for those aged 50 or more.

here you have written the proportion of student rather than the proportion of amount. I understand your writing as the proportion of students being supported but what i thought was the amount of support to the particular age group of the students. Am I wrong?????????????????

[Simon]

Hi Ilker,

I'm afraid I don't offer essay correction or scoring. If I did this, everyone would send me their essays.

...

Hi Zahra,

You won't be able to write a 'perfect' essay in the exam. However, my essays show you what you are aiming for, and this should help you with your preparation. Keep practising using my essays as models and I'm sure you'll improve.

...

Hi Shafaq,

Your scores are fantastic - you should be really happy with them! Just keep practising your writing and you'll gradually improve.

...

Hi Sandeep,

'Ace the IELTS' is not my book. You've got me confused with another website. My ebook is this one:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-ebook.html

...

Hi Jay,

I've done several GT essays here:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-general-writing/

...

Hi Nisha,

I wondered about that too. The thing is, I couldn't make any sense of the idea of "a proportion of the amount of support". For example, "students under 26 receive 60% of support from their employers" or "students under 26 receive 60% of fees and help with time off from their employers" doesn't make sense.

It makes much more sense to assume that the chart shows proportions of each age group - this is what the first bar chart definitely shows, so I think the second chart must show that too.

The question statement is the problem - it confuses you by saying "the amount of help that they receive" - I think this is badly written.

[Kasia]

Hi Simon,

I wonder if you have enough time to prepare a lesson based on age groups?I'm always confused how to describe different ages,I mean I never know if it is correct to say

1.people under age 26
or people under the age of 26
or people aged under 26 or as you mentioned in your task 1 people aged under 26...

I will be glad of you find some time off to prepare this material for us.

[widy]

Hi Simon,
Thank you so much for all the advice you give us, but I'm really confused,an english teacher told me that in writing task 1 we have to put a conclusion, which I don't find here. could you please clear me?

[Song]

Hi, Simon / other friends,

This is the best Website of IELTS study I've ever seen.

Now I have questions in terms of WRING TASK1. In line graph, would you teach me(us) how to convery all kinds of line shape or trend as brief as we can?

For example, if the line soars and then remains stable, I may use "a plateau". But other trends, how can I do? For example, the shape likes letter "V","U","n" and so on.

I do appricate your relay, and your new whole lesson to show us is better.

[shafaq]

Thanks Musharaf !!!
Thanks Simon!

Actually i need 8 in all subtests.
Ok gonna try again.

thanks

[Sana Al-Dahash]

Hi Simon,

I just wanted to drop by and thank you for your wonderful work here. Your website was of absolute help to me. I have been taking the IELTS exam since several months, but was always getting 7 overall with 6.5 in writing. I found your website while browsing online, studied the writting section for one week only, and Thanks God I just received my certificate today and I got 8 overall with 7.5 in writting... Thanks a lot, your way for explaining the academic writting really helped out to achieve the score I wanted.. Now I can start up my medical career. THANK YOU SIMON, I'm advising everyone I know to study from your website for their IELTS exam.

[gangchil]

Hi Sana
Congratulation!! I am a doctor too,living in Bangladesh.Its not that much easier to learn english residing somewhere rather that a English speaking country.Can u pls help me,how did u get this briliant score?i appeared two time but failed to get 7 individual.
thanks.

[Sarah]

Hello Simon,
Please let me know that in the last paragraph you mentioned self-sufficient,so is it al-right if we can use some of our own vocabulary in task 1.
Thanks
From Sarah.

[Simon]

Hi Kasia,

I'll try to do a specific lesson about ages soon. For the moment, have a look at how I've described age groups in the essay above.

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Hi widy,

Have a look at this lesson:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/01/ielts-writing-task-1-you-dont-need-a-conclusion.html

...

Hi Song,

I answered your question in this lesson:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2012/07/students-questions.html

...

Well done Sana! I'm glad you found my site!

...

Hi Sarah,

Yes, it's fine to do that.

[roop]

can somebody tell me what's the meaning of "tend to" or how to use it?

[Simon]

Hi Roop,

"I tend to get up at 7.30am" = "I usually get up at 7.30am"

[roop]

Thank you Dear,
but i have one more qeastion that how can i use phrase "in terms to" and "in order to" what's that mean?

[Tom]

Hi Simon

The two charts compare different age groups in their studying purpose and whether they are supported by their employers or not.
It is clear that the younger groups are more likely to study for career rather than interest while the older groups are in the contrary. The employer’s supports are most given to the younger students.
About 80% of students aged under 26 are study for career and only 10 % of them are study for interest. When students get older the more they like to study for their own interest. At the age between 40& 49, these two reasons share the same percentage (40%). Most students aged over 49 are tending to study for interest rather than career.
Over 60% of under 26 years old students have received their employer’s support. On the contrary, the 30-39 age group can support themselves the most, only 30% of them are given time off and help with fees. For those over 40 years old students, they have received a bit more support than the 30-39 age group.

do you think the structure is OK?

[خزعل احمد علي]

hi sana aldhash اذا كنت ابنة صديقي صلاح الدهش ارجو اعلامي عن عنوانه او اخباره انا صديقه د خزعل احمد علي وشكرا

[Mona]

DEAR SIMON,
I want to know urgently is it necessary to include ALL data given and all figures in your written essay? This is really stressing me out and confusing me!
For example, you withdrew studying cause illustration between age 26 to 39 from your essay.
is that ok?

[faisal]

I have found this site really very much helpful , for IELTS Writing Sections, as all modules are well discussed and a lot of examples and sample exercises provided to the IELTS test takers, which is just a good way to practice and to achieve required band score in IELTS

[Nar]

hi, Simon! Can u check my essay and give me appropriate score? Thanks in advance!!
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Other, however, think that changes is always a good thing.
A commonly held belief is that some men tend to abide by repetitive affairs in their lifetime. Furthermore, they omit any alterations. Even though, another part of human beings prefer to follow modifications in their lives. In my essay, I intend to discuss both opinion expressed.

One argument put forward of upholding the statement, that it is better to maintain constancy, is the fact that by doing this individuals provide themselves much more convenient, quiet, and full of safety life. To be more precise, avoiding considerable transitions, they are escaping to live life on the edge. A good illustration of this is that if individuals avoid any quaint changes in their appearance, they will never be condemned by community about their externality. As a consequence, this would enable them to live quite comfortable life.

Other people argue that it is significant to have appreciable alterations during the life. What this means is that these modifications make our life more colorful, fascinating, and amusing. Evidence for this is provided by the fact that when people stop enjoying excitement from their work, they can alter their monotonous job. As a result, getting their priorities right human beings replace their monotonous routine with much more gripping life.

Taking everything into account, I therefore conclude that making changes in life is preferably than to lead the same life. I firmly feel that life is too short to expend it to uniform occasions. This would help us to easily overcome any difficulties and advance our daily routine.