Albert wrote a comment below Wednesday's lesson that I would like to share with you. It contains a key observation about how to write a good paragraph.
"Thanks for the great paragraph. I noticed that this paragraph is highly cohesive without any explicit linking words such as ‘furthermore/moreover’. I think this is what ‘uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention’ means for the band 9 level according to the descriptor, right? The way the sentences in the paragraph are linked together is by all the ‘money’ words in each sentence: earn money/the salary/pay/need money/wages/to save for the future/if…needed money. Is my understanding correct?"
I replied to Albert that this is exactly right! Cohesion means "togetherness", and the best way to link your ideas together is by developing them in a logical way, not by using 'moreover' or 'furthermore'.
Read my paragraph again, and hopefully you'll see what Albert means.