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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

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Hello, Simon
it is a wonderful essay. but i have 3 questions
first, is "on a voluntary basis" more natural?
second, "goes against" can i use "contradict the values" or "it is not consistent with the values"? because these phases seem to be more formal.
Third, also for "on top of", is "in addition to" more formal?

one more question, some teachers told me that we should try to use passive voice at least once, because it is a complex structure. is that true?

thanks a lot

It seems to be very hard understanding language...

There is a view that teenagers should be engaged in unpaid jobs in a community. I completely disagree with this idea. Below are some reasons to support my view.
The main duties of young people would be receiving education. They should study hard to raise their chance of attending universities of finding a job later. Then it seems that they need to take rest in their idle time when preparing to start a new season. It is very likely to see that they won’t welcome involving in free-paid jobs. Teenagers in fact require to enjoy times when are being young. If they were obliged to take part in unpaid jobs, they would feel losing their youth time. And this would cause some psychological problems in their future life.
The second reason that why this idea is not practical is that this view is against of values of a free society. In such a society people regardless of age are free to take part in certain jobs especially when there is no money to pay. Even if those people are obliged to carry out those tasks, because of lack of interesting they will not complete their duties properly. This may bring teenagers into conflict with people working with them.
To sum up, I believe that due to the fact that human beings have a deep hatred of compulsory tasks this idea is not practical to establish in a community. Young people should be free to choose what type of activities they tend to do.

Hi Simon,

Thanks for your EBook and the templates.

I would need to ask you a question about Task2 (argumentation topic). The topic question is: 'What are the advantages and disadvantages of advertisement?' However, this question does not ask a personal opinion. My question is: will I be lower the mark if I put my opinion in the first paragraph of my essay?

Many thanks
Jingyao

There is a view that teenagers should be engaged in unpaid jobs in a community. I completely disagree with this idea. Below are some reasons to support my view.

The main duties of young people would be receiving education. They should study hard to raise their chance of attending universities or finding a job . Then it seems that they need to take rest in their idle time when preparing to start a new season. It is very likely to see that they won’t welcome involving in free-paid jobs. Teenagers in fact require to enjoy times when are being young. If they were obliged to take part in unpaid jobs, they would feel losing their youth time. And this would cause some psychological problems in their future life.

The second reason that why this idea is not practical is that this view is against of values of a free society. In such a society people regardless of age are free to take part in certain jobs especially when there is no money to pay. Even if those people are obliged to carry out those tasks, because of lack of interesting they will not complete their duties properly. This may bring teenagers into conflict with people working with them.

To sum up, I believe that due to the fact that human beings have a deep hatred of compulsory tasks this idea is not practical to establish in a community. Young people should be free to choose what type of activities they tend to do.

Hi Simon,

Thank you very much for your time and effort to help so many English learners.

Please check my Introduction.

"Apparently few people imagine that all Adolescents must involve in some kind of volunteer work during their spare time to assist the local community. Despite the fact that it is beneficial to the society, i completely disagree forcing teens as it might be against the values of the society. "

Please any one can comment on it and can give your suggestions.

Kind Regards,

Sudheer

hi Simon, ur lessons are very useful. i would like to know how the score is done for both the writing tasks?

I've heard that the score is out of 3 for the 1st task and 6 for the 2nd Task. So the total comes to nine. Is it so???

Please do clear this doubt of mine.

with regards
Ann

Hi Ann,

Task 2 carries 2/3rds of the marks. Task 1 carries 1/3 of the marks . The scoring should be based on this proportion.

Hi Jessica,

Thanks for noticing 'volunteer' - it's ok to write that, but I probably meant to write 'voluntary', which is a bit more common in this collocation. Never mind, 'volunteer' is still correct.

Your other suggestions are fine, but strangely enough I still prefer "goes against the values" and "on top of" - these are really typical collocations that native speakers (but not many learners) use. I'd say that these phrases are 'neutral' and very natural, rather than informal.

...

Hi Jingyao,

Yes, if you write your opinion when the question didn't ask for it, there is a risk that this will affect your score (a little). It certainly won't help your score.

...

I'm afraid I don't provide essay or grammar correction, but thanks to those of you who shared your essays - I'm sure they will help other students.

...

Hi Ann,

Mh answered your question (above). Both tasks are scored out of 9, then the proportions are calculated as Mh said.

Hello Simon,

I have achieved 7 bands in all the modules in my first attempt itself.I appreciate your efforts and material provided on this site.

You have my eternal gratitude.Cheers

hi simon,,my question looks bit silly ,but,, ,,this essay s type of agree nd disagree not discuss both nd give your opinion,still been used IN MY OPINION in the conclusion,so s it ok to use it,, Many Thanks,

HI Simon!!!
Task 2 question:Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views.
my intoducton :Nowadays zoos are becoming a main part of entertainment and it has many another advantages of keeping animals in zoos. But some people think it is not good idea of having zoos while others believe that the role of zoos is a great in our life both ecologically and entertaining.

is it right to write this introduction for this question??

Hi Sumit,

Congratulations! I'm glad my lessons helped.

...

Hi Raj,

Yes, it's fine to use that.

...

Hi Nix,

I'm afraid I don't correct people's sentences, paragraphs or essays here. You've got the right idea - 2 sentences (topic + answer).

at the end of the essay, "band 9" is written. does this mean that this essay is band 9 essay?

cheers,

yes YOUNG,, it s band 9 essay,,
very simple nd immensely effective,,try this way,u can improve your writing enormously,,

Hi Simon,
I took recent IELTS test in sydney.
The writing task 2 was quite strange and was unable to get 7 in that.

"Nowadays people prefer to go for rent houses rather than owning. Describe advantages and disadvantages of rent houses."

Please include this topic in your discussion.

hi Simon,

I am afraid I am late in posting on this thread, so i don't know if you would reply or not.

I know that in an Advantages/Disadvantages-essay we have to write an objective introduction. But do we have to express our opinion - to which side we have a tilt, in conclusion. For example, in Nuclear Power do we have to tell that we are pro-nuclear or not? Or we should again give an impartial statement like " Nuclear power has benefits if risks involving its used are properly dealt with?

thanks a lot

Hi Shafaq,

Only give your opinion (in the introduction and conclusion) if the question asks for it. The 'impartial' conclusion is best if the question doesn't ask for your opinion.

hi simon,

using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effect on children.do you agree or disagree??

nowadays,computer is essential part in everylife.its look like compulsory to have at least one computer in every family.because of this,children starrtusing computer since a very young age.in my opinion ,encourage children to play with computer is good idea because its the way to well-balanced their activities which is not only play at playground but keep updating with new technologies beside developing their foundation in critical skills for future success . the bases for my views is from personal,academic and professional views.

from personal views,computer is evolution for us which is brings big influence to us whether positive or negative influence.computer is really doing their part to help young people explore the world wide by only searching in internet. as example,children no ned to buy or going to library to find some information but only searching in internet you will got the answer easily and not wasting time.

from academic points of view,computer is part of learning process.when i was at universities,student brings laptop to class to take note,do research for certain subject,complete the assignment or for the presentation task. its really applicable in all institutions which all things related to this technologies. this is very good experienced for student to got these abilities such as expert in excell,word,presentation or autocadd and its really important to increase confident level while seeking for job sooner.

from professional perspective, all company used computer no matter what position he is because all job such paperwork,presentation,salary slip and another work must be prepare used computer.certain computer pay training fee for their employee and its not suprising if tomorrow one of requirement to got job is have this critical skill.

the conclusion is,parents who encourage their children familiar with this technologies is good because their think forward about children future.

hi simon,
please check my essay and give band for this,..
thank you very much.

Hi Simon and all,
I have one question here:

The question says ‘all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community.’ There are four points included in this sentence: be required to, unpaid, work for the local community, in their free time.

My question is: when I say the idea of ‘force teenagers to work in their free time for the local community unpaid’ in each paragraph(for example, in the topic sentences), do I need to strictly include all these four elements(be required to, unpaid, work for the local community, in their free time) each time? I mean if I say:
‘teenagers need to work for the local community without pay’ in Introduction;
‘they are required to work for the community unpaid’ in the topic sentence in Paragraph 1;
‘the young being forced to work without pay.’ in the topic sentence in Paragraph 2;
‘to make teenagers work for the community unpaid’ in Conclusion

would it be OK? I didn’t include ‘in their free time’ in them, and sometime I even don’t want to write ‘without pay/unpaid’ each time, but I still did, in fear that the examiner will think my topic sentence of each paragraph doesn’t include all the points of the question.

Would this be a problem? What is the safe way to do?

Simon,
I noticed in your sample essay, you write:
‘However, I do not agree that we should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work.’ in Introduction;
‘At the same time, I do not believe that society has anything to gain from obliging young people to do unpaid work.’ in Paragraph 2
‘teenagers may choose to work for free and help others,’ in Conclusion

you didn’t mention ‘in their free time, work for local community’ when you repeating the idea from the question(all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community.) So I guess it would be totally safe to not include all the ‘modifiers’ in the question, right?

Hi Albert,

The answer to your question is that it wouldn't be a problem. Your sentences are good, and the reader knows what you mean. As you noticed, I didn't include all of the details - we can assume that "unpaid work" covers any kind of unpaid work, so "in their free time" and "in their communities" would not change anything in terms of the argument.

Hi Simon,

Thanks for your reply and it really got a load of my mind! I am really glad that you made lessons for this question!! After reading your sample essay, I realized that my original response to the question(took a two-sided approach but just mentioned the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers doing unpaid work) was not a wise choice! And that was why it severely affected my Task Response score. In fact, I think this question is somewhat harder than other ‘normal’ Task 2 question, coz I think it would be more difficult to write a two-sided essay(one para talking about why it benefits teenagers and society, one para talking about why it doesn’t benefit…), especially when trying to answer ‘why I partly agree’.

So I think it’s easier to write this essay using one-sided approach. Do you agree?

One lessoned I learned is that during the exam, I must first carefully read the question before planning my essay outline, especially when meeting ‘somewhat tricky’ questions like this one.

Another question about your essay is: in the essay, you used ‘young people’ to refer to ‘teenagers’ in the question. But precisely speaking, the age range of young people is larger than teenagers, right?(a university student can also be a young man, but not a teenager anymore). So will some examiner think this kind of replacing words is ‘not very accurate’, according to the Descriptor, then decrease our score in Lexical Resource?

Hi Albert,

I agree that it's difficult to 'partly agree' with the above question. Either teenagers should be required to do unpaid work, or they shouldn't. It isn't an "advantages and disadvantages" essay. You definitely need to read the question carefully.

Don't worry about 'young people' - it's close enough, and the reader will understand the meaning. Also, it's nice to have some variety in the vocabulary you use.

hi simon
why you written force word in essay.
statement just saying that required to do unpaid work.
pls tell

Hi Kuljinder,

If you 'require' someone to do something, it means that they must do it. So 'force' has a similar meaning.

hi simon,

i wanna ask a question
isnt it required for us to write a both-sided essay?
so for this question, we are not expected to discuss the negative side-- i mean 'teenagers and society do not gain as much as expected'

thanks!

judy:)

Hi Judy,

No, this question asks for YOUR opinion (do YOU agree or disagree?)

There are other types of question (e.g. discuss both views) that ask you to write about both sides. Try not to confuse the two types.

Hi Simon,
Thank you very much fore your useful website.
Would you please explain the word "therefore" in this sentence in your essay:"However, I do not agree that we should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work".
Thank you.

Hi Simon,
My question is if my essay focuses on "unpaid work" instead of "are required to", I mean I would argue that teenagers should get paid, does it mean I will get low score?

Anther question is if I buy your ebook now, will you send me more sample essays and templates with the ideas?

Thank you!

the essay has 249 words!

My computer counts 250.

Hi simon,
I am bit confused between the essay of agree or disagree and th what extent agree or disagree.
If the question is to what extent agree or disagree,
Could i develop my argument like this below?
yes it has some positive aspects( such as finding potentials, talents, imterests for the furture carrer or study) on the teens(1para)
BUT if it is imposed as compulsory, it has negative impact on the individual, the quality of services as well(wast of time, as a "tic box",accordingly the quality of the services drops etc.) (another para)

=>> so, as it is good, it could be encouraged to do it, but shouldn't be compulsory.


Is this argument "off topic"?

Hi Guys,
Please rate me!!!!! I am so bad in W-2. I have exam in 3 days.

Many people have different views about the main duties their children could do when they reach at teenage. Many of them even suggest that teenagers must spend their free-time working for the community without a payment. I certainly agree with this opinion for various reasons.

Doing a community work, first of all, helps the teenagers in many ways. They become exposed to the social and cultural aspect of local problems, which is one of the important skills in life. When they grow up, they become more informed and responsible. Great people, like President Barack Obama, once spent their time working within their community. Secondly, teenage adolescents can get the possibility of socialising with different age groups in their community. This enriches their perspectives and makes them more conscious to governance, management and even environmental protection, depending on the role they assumed. Moreover, teenagers can avoid pastimes of addictive nature like video gaming, smoking and even drugs, if they are given some responsibility in their local community.

From the community perspective, local teenagers can contribute significantly in different areas. For example, the local council can organise the teenagers for a "planting day", which may involve planting trees in many designated areas. Other tasks may include cleaning and decorating roads, which adds to the aesthetic beauty of their town.

In conclusion, teenagers spending their leisure time working for their community are beneficial in many ways. I believe that families encouraging their children to do so are helping positively both their teenagers and the society at large.

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