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Thursday, July 21, 2011

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Hi Simon
Here is my Introduction:
The bar chart compares/ describes the data for detetention over the given period of fifty years in five different nations.
This is my first submission to you and I only wanna know did I follow your instruction or not?
Thanks
Regards

Hi simon
This is my full report and could you please tell me is it fine...
The table compares the number of prisoners in five countries over the period of 50 years.
Overall the keypoints to note are, inspite of the fluctuations in number of prisoners over the period shown,it is clear that US had the highest number of prisoners.Great Britain on the other hand,had the lowest number of prisoners for majority of period.
Looking at the graph at more details,it is clearly seen that out of 6 decades US had got the majority of prisoners for 4 decades.However,a gradual increase can also be observed in other 4 countries but much less than UK as the number of prisoners fluctuated between 40,000 to 120,000 for New Zealand and Australia,although New Zealand had got more prisoners than Australia.
Canada had the highest population of prisoners in the year 1930 and 1950 which is 120,000.A static behaviour for imprisonment was seen in Great Britain,Australia and Newzealand in 1970 which was approximately 60,000.The figures for imprisonment soared after 1960 from nearly 40,000 to 80,000 almost twice in 1980.

It's not UK its US in seventh line.

My overview is :
At first glance, It is clear that overall the number of prisoners in Great Britain increased significantly almost every decade from the year 1940. However, the United States had highest data for these detention holders in each year for the given period.

Thanks nd Regads

The graph illustrates the numbers of people in prisons among five countries, Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, United States and Canada every decade between 1930 and 1980. As can be seen clearly, Britain's imprisonment numbers had been on the rise every ten years. The imprisonment figures in other five countries had been fluctuated, however, notably the United State had had the highest numbers of people in jail for most of periods except in 1930 and 1950, at that time, its figures were overtaken by Canada.
In 1930, there were 30,000 people in the jails of Great Britain, and ever since the numbers had been risen. In 1980, the number of imprisonment had risen to over 80,000, which was a record high in Britain in this period.
In 1930 and 1950, Canada's numbers of imprisonment topped among five countries. The peak numbers of imprisonment in Canada was in 1930 with 120,000 people in jails, while the lowest record was observed in 1970 with just above 80,000 in prisons.

Dear simon
Can I ask you a question?
'The internet is the most welcomed by the people aged between 16 and 18.' Is this a correct sentence?
Thank you very much!

hi Simon,

I just would like to ask bout the writing task 1, is there a number of words required ? Like the task 2 which needs atleast 150 words for academic...

Thanks!

Hi Kanny, Kani and Ed:

You've got the right idea.

Note: "number of prisoners" would be better than "detention" (this word has different meanings, so it's not clear what it means in Kanny's sentence).

...

Hi Sunny,

Grammatically it's ok, but I wouldn't use 'most welcomed' in that context.

...

Hi Mai,

Task 1 - minimum 150 words
Task 2 - minimum 250 words

The bar chart presents an overview of how the number of prisoners among five countries varied every decade during seven decades from 1930 to 1980. As can be seen from the graph the size of American prisoners is the largest , whereas the size of the great Britain prisoners is the smallest all away through the period apart from 1980.
In 1980, the USA prisoners figure accounted for almost 140,000 which was higer by almost 20,000 than the figures taken at the beginning of the survey {1930}. Whereas between 1930 and 1980 the number of the Great Britain inmates had been tripled
The number of prisoners in America and Canada was fluctuated over the period. Nevertheless , they were the highest in comparison to the figures of the other countries ,reaching its highest figure in 1980 and 1950 respectively.
Regarding Australia and New zeland, there was a steady increase in the number of prisoners every decade over the period ranging from just over 40 thousand to over 80,000 Apart from the substantial decrease in the number of prisoners in Australia in 1980 with about 50,000 prisoners.

The graph compares the number of confinements in four developed countries over a period of half in a century ending at 1980.

As one would expect, despite been erratic the highest figure recorded for the USA , while the reverse was true for the UK. The number of detainees in the USA which stood 100,000 in 1930, rose gradually to just under 120000 in 1960, before a sharp drop to under its initial figure in 1970 and a jump of 50000 over next years, peaking to the highest point at about 140000 people in 1980. Having the lowest number of detention cases, the pattern for the Great Britain mirrored the USA but with a more steady growth, rising about three folds over the period to just over 80000 in 1980.

Conversely, the number of imprisonments in Australia, New Zealand, and Canada declined. The figures for Canada, where had the highest record of jailing sentence in 1930, reduced by 25% in 1980, at about 90000 almost doubled than that for Canada and slightly higher than that of New Zealand ( at approximately 45000 and 85000 respectively).

correction: four to five

and the latest canad to Australia

Hi Ahmad

I made some correction to your writting and can say that it covers the necessary vocabulary.

The graph compares the number of confinements in four developed countries over a period of half in a century ending at 1980.

As one would expect, despite been erratic the highest figure recorded for the USA , while the reverse was true for the Australia. The number of detainees in the USA which stood at 100,000 in 1930, rose gradually to just under 120000 in 1960, before a sharp drop to under its initial figure in 1970 and a jump of 50000 over next years, peaking to the highest point at about 140000 prisoners in 1980. similarly, having the lowest number of detention cases in the begining, the pattern for the Great Britain mirrored the USA but with a more steady growth, rising about three folds over the period to just over 80000 in 1980.

Conversely, the number of imprisonments in Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, declined. The figures for Canada, where had the highest record of jailing sentence in 1930, reduced by 25% in 1980, at about 90000 almost doubled than that for Australia and slightly higher than that of New Zealand ( at approximately 45000 and 85000 respectively).

The bar chart shows the data about the number of prisoners in five countries between year 1930 and year 1980.

As evident from the chart,while there is a overall fluctuation of inmates given countries United States had the highest figure for prisoners.The Great Britain had far lower level of inprisonment compared to other five countries.

In 1930,the number of prisoners in United states stood at 100000 before rising that number to its maximum at 135000 in 1980 with some fluctuations within given period of time.This is an increase of nearly 35000 inmates compared with the former figure.Over a decade the number of prison people in Great Britain stayed unchanged then showed upward trend before reaching its highest status at at just over 80000 in 1980.The second biggest number of inmate found from Canada beggining of the year 1930 at 120000 and fluctuated that figure around nealy 10000 until year 1980.

.The figures for Australia and New Zealand varied over the period shown.At the end of the given time period New Zealand had nealy 90000 wheareas Australia reported with approximately half of prisoners that of New Zealand.

To sum up,out of six decade United States reported its prisoners highest in1940 at 130000 and in 1980 at nearly 140000 respectively .Canada was second of the list with downward trend while other three countries made fewer changes on statstics relating to inprisonment.

Hi Simon! My name is Mitko and I intend to take the IELTS exam in September or Ocromber, but I have some concerns about my writing and speaking.
I have a question about a writing task that I met today. It was about reasons for study and employment in 5 age groups. So I was wondering in what tense am I supposed to write and I made up my mind to use the Past Tense.
Here is what I wrote:

The data, divided into two sets, provides information about the reasons precipitated people at five age groups to study and the number of them who were working.

It is obvious that, the figure of people studying in order to evolve their career saw a gradual drop, conversely to that of people studying for interest reasons.

80% of people under 26 EDUCATED THEMSELVES in order to develop a career in comparison with a mere of 10% who study for interest. INCREASINGLY THE YEARS the proportion changed, for people aged 30-39 it is approximately 55% for career reasons, and 22% for other interest. In the last shown age(over 49) the number of students LEARNING FOR BUILDING A CAREER decreased dramatically to just under 20%, while a considerable increase to 70% was there in the number of people studying for interest.

The percentage of people under 26 who were employed was around 62. The figure of people in the age of 30-39 dropped significantly by 30%, but the number of employed rose to 40% in the age group of over 49.


I have written with capital letters the phrases about I have qualms.
Thank you in advance! :)

I know this question very well

The data, divided into two sets, provides information about the reasons precipitated people at five age groups to study and the number of them who were working.

> precipitated people?
>#1 number working is not given - it's a % of answers

It is obvious that, the figure of people studying in order to evolve their career saw a gradual drop, conversely to that of people studying for interest reasons.

>good word evolve

80% of people under 26 EDUCATED THEMSELVES in order to develop a career in comparison with a mere of 10% who study for interest. INCREASINGLY THE YEARS the proportion changed, for people aged 30-39 it is approximately 55% for career reasons, and 22% for other interest. In the last shown age(over 49) the number of students LEARNING FOR BUILDING A CAREER decreased dramatically to just under 20%, while a considerable increase to 70% was there in the number of people studying for interest.

>educated themselves - good

> INCREASINGLY THE YEARS - NO as the/their age increases/increased

The percentage of people under 26 who were employed was around 62. NO see #1

The figure of people in the age of 30-39 dropped significantly by 30%, OK

but the number of employed rose to 40% in the age group of over 49. NO see #1


I have written with capital letters the phrases about I have qualms.

Simon a quick disclaimer - I am not hijacking the site (but will help where I can as it seems the more popular your blog becomes the more overload for you)

Also like you I am not an essay correction service , but I have seen the above misunderstanding many times.

Sorry another post,
should find a link to this question in the Cambridge books, sorry for taking this thread off topic

dear simon.

i thank you for your advice but, i have a question. for writing task 1, i provide the required details and points needed but in much further number of words maybe in 260 words which is very large compared to the required 150 words. what can i do to overcome this point

Hi Simon this is my introduction and overview
thanks

The given bar chart shows that number of prisoners in five different countries between 1930 and 1980 in thousand.


It is clearly seen from the graph that significant rise in number of prisoners in Britain and United State, while imprisons in New Zealand and Canada decreased but in Australia these numbers fluctuated during the same amount of time.

The bar chart illustrates the numbers of prisoners in five different nations for the period 1930-1980 in thousands. The graph involves countries statistics for Great Britain, Australia, New Zeeland, USA, and Canada.

Initially, it is clear that the figures present fluctuated number over five decade. However, USA generally recorded the highest number of prisoners over fifty years over all in comparison with other states. From exactly 120,000 persons got in prison in 1930 to reach just under 140,000 persons in 1980. At the same time, Canada showed considerably high level of prisoners to occupy the second country for imprisonments. In contrast, Great Britain was the lowest country had people in prison over the same period and then comes Australia. The average figures over the period were around 45,000 and 50,000 prisoners respectively.

Moreover, It should be noted that the overall figures appeared a marked decrease in prisoners in some countries Australia and new Zealand, in particular, to confirm that the ability of countries to combat crimes,

In conclusion, although there was a fluctuated trend in the figure over the period, the figures show a relatively constant number of prisoners. The USA had more numbers of inmates to sit on the top over fifty years. On the contrary, the GP numbers were the least over the same period.

dear Simon

This is my introduction and overveiw.

The bar graph makes a comperative study of imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980.

At a glance,it is clear that in all
countries,
the record of prisoners is
erratic.However,United State indicates the major imprisoners and Great britain shows comperatively lower.

Thank You

Thanks for your reply. But Is this alright to write jailee, people in custody, inmates and people in prisons?

there is no more easy essay in IELTS exam recent exam in Australia they ask this topic

Today’s we have world advance science and technology, while we still value our great artist such as musician, painters and writers.
What the art say more about life than science and technology?

Although we are conneted with each other and treated with highly innovative science and technology more than ever before the role which have been played by musician.painters and writers could not be overtaken by the former.

Firstly,it is more reasonable to think that writers have a good place in our society shaping people up in terms of behaviour ,setting personal goals ,reaching their destinations of wishes ,development of physical and emotional wellbeing. Not only that ,but also individuals of the society have been inspired by the impressive piece of writings.The most working places are awaken with the idea of positive thinking thus leads to effective productivity and outstanding employee performance.In recent years the writers of positive feelings have changed the whole society acting as a catalyst towards the beneficial society with their enormous capacity of writings.Althouh one Apple can feed one man an idea can feed whole society.A good eample of this,China and India are going to tower over the economy in due course because of ideas has spread all over their boundaries which can drive growth. When Powerful writing materials are adding to individual's tremoundous potential the miracles takes place everywhere.


Secondly,it is very acceptable the musicians and painters are dealing with inspiration of people.They are contributing huge efforts to the members of society by their great piece of music and glorious paintings.Since the down of human civilization most of rulers of the world influenced by them.The world famous art works are still validate for the society because of those paintings and classic musics are the reflections of influence of those writers and painters.The modern art and music industry is fed with traditional platforms of art.Motivation and development of society has taken place with the art.Culture is been shaped up with arts since past age.

To sum up,the life is facilitated with advance writings ,inspired by magical performance of art and music rather than led by modern science and technology .

sorry for the posting name ,wrong typing when posting.hi friend kb is this good for some ideas?

hi simon!

from the bottom of my heart thank u very much for providing this site to everyone of us! i took the test last july 7th and achieved the score that the university required from me, i applied all the learnings ive gained from ur site and fortunately i got 6.5 for the 3rd try.. im so happy! i can now pursue my studies abroad

thank u simon.. GOD BLESS U
CHEERS! :)

I am so impress with an ans posted by 't' its fantastic. even i found difficulties for right ides ?!
thanks "t"

Hi Simon,

When I follow your instruction I got idea about introduction and overview for report writing. However, I am struggling in paragraph 1 and 2???
What information do we need to select?
How do we select key information and compare with other?
(I mean there are many ways to describe graphs so)
In short show me easy step to do this
like you provide some example for introduction and overview before.

THANKS
KB

DaveVN I really thank you for your corrections!:) And in my opinion, we should all help Simon with what we can, so It is great that you do it. ;)

Hi guys,

Wow! It's great to see people helping each other and sharing ideas.

As you can see, the number of comments is growing, and I'm afraid it's impossible for me to give everyone feedback or suggest corrections. I can answer questions, but I won't be able to check people's work.

Sorry I can't help in that way.

...

Thanks DaveVN.

It's great to get some help from another teacher. Mitko was very lucky!

...

Hi Mohamed,

It's ok to write more than 150 words, but maybe you need to select more carefully - you don't need to describe every bit of information on the chart, just the main things.

...

Hi Kanny,

I'd just write: prisoners, people in prison, the figure for imprisonment. You could also use: the prison population, and 'inmates' is ok. I wouldn't use the others.

...

Hi Jessa,

Congratulations! That's great news. I'm happy the website helped you. Good luck with your studies abroad.

...

Hi KB,

This lesson gives you some advice about selecting information for the 'details' paragraphs:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/07/ielts-writing-task-1-describing-details.html

I'll write more about this next week.

Hi, Simon
I have a question about writing task 1.
If there are three different years seperately given in a bar chart or three pies with them, should I comapre and describe all three years although some trends are a gradual rise or fall to the end of the period?

Thank you

hai.simon.this is a very good.i would like to say .fantastic.your writing tips.i have appeared ielts twice before,but the score for speaking and writing was lower than what i really needed..i want 7 for each band and i scored 6.5 for both writing and speaking.i really dont know on which part i should focuss now..i wanna appear the exam by the end of next month..

Hi Simon,
the graph compares the number of imprisonments in five countries between 1930 and 1980.
At first glance,it is clear overall the number of prisoners in Great Britain increased significantly almost every decade from the year 1940. However, the United States had highest data for these detention holders in each year for the given period.
In 1930, the number of prisoners in United States stood at 100,000 before rising that number to its maximum at135,000 in 1980 with fluctuations within given period of time.
The number of inmate in Canada beginning of the year 1930 at 120,000 and fluctuated that figure around nearly 10,000 until year 1980.
The figures for Australia and Newzealand varied over the period shown. At the end of the give time period NewZealand had nearly 90,000 whereas Australia reported with approximately half of prisoners that of New Zealand.
To sum up, through this period between 1930 to 1980, United Stated reported it is prisoners highest in 1940 at 130,000 and in 1980 at nearly 140,000 respectively. Canada was second of list with downward trend other three countries made fewer changes on statistics relating to imprisonment.

Hi Jobs,

My advice is to focus on good vocabulary for both speaking and writing. That could make the difference between 6.5 and 7.

Thanks Simon
Yes, Mitko was very lucky. As I said I am very familiar with this question and had some spare time (not something I have very often).
You have given me and therefore my students a lot of valuable advice, so I will return when I can.

If you have time could you email me some ideas on scoring process/diagram questions (or make a post on advice for how to answer). It seems to me every answer is Band 5 (i.e. not changing vocabulary from the diagram). I'm still not sure what makes a good answer.
Regards, Dave

Hi Dave,

The things I look for in a process description are:

1. Paraphrasing for introduction
2. Some kind of overview e.g. how many steps in the process, and how/where the process begins and ends.
3. Description of the process stage by stage.
Good language would be:
- clear signposting (at the first stage, next, then, following that etc.)
- some ability to change nouns from the diagram (often to passive verbs e.g. collection = is collected).

Have a look at the essay in this lesson:

http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2010/09/ielts-writing-task-1-process-diagram-essay.html

Hope this helps

Is it better to say five countries in the introduction (kind of repetition) or better say the name of all the countries in the introduction.

What other synonms for prisoners ,people in prison ....could I say imprisoned people
Is it a must to mention prisoners each time I write a figure or could I only use the number
12000 prisoners ,90,000 prisoners
Cheers

Could I also say the number in prison

Hi Moka,

It's ok to say either '5 countries' or mention the 5 names - it won't change your score.

Prisoners, people in prison, rate of imprisonment, the prison population, imprisoned people.

Usually it's best to write the units after the number (90,000 prisoners), but you can say "the prison population reached 90,000".

"The number in prison" is also possible.

The graph comparison numbers of prisoners in five countries including greatbritain ,Australia ,newzealand, untited states and Canada during the six decades between 1930 and 1980.
Ate the first glance it is clear that more number of prison in America is highest than other countries by 130000,120000,98000 and approximately 140000 in the 1940s,1960s,1970s and 1980s.in contrast though figures shown the number of prisons were 85000 in the uk in 1980s ,but has lowest prisoners in the other decades among countries.
The indicators reveals Canada is second country in terms of crime in the five decades by rouphly between 80000 and 120000 .
newzeland in the 1930s by 100000 prison was between three high criminal counries however in the next decades has fluctuated and finally stood by 85000 in the 1980s.
eventually Australia except 1930s and 1970s by 70000 prison ,in other decades the number of prison were less than 60000.
To sum up we can see that united state citizens have high share in terms of crime and both uk and Australia were lowest number of prison in six decades.
I will be happy with any advice.i am going to take an ielts exam 14th of january........

Hi Mohammad,

You seem to have the right idea, but I'm afraid I don't offer essay correction or scoring. If I did this, everyone would send me their essays.

Good luck on the 14th!

Dear Simon

I would like to ask:do you mean by(the United States had the highest number of prisoners overall)=roughly.As Cnada had more prisoners than the US in some periods.

Thank you

Hi Ghyath,

By using 'overall' I mean that if you add all of the years together, the total number of prisoners would be highest in the USA.

Many Thanks for all your tips

Hi Simon, I will be very grateful, if you check and estimate my report.

The given bar chart illustrates the information on the amount of prisoners in five different countries over a 50-year period.
It can be clearly seen that the largest quantity for imprisonment was in the United States, while the lowes was recorded in Great Britain.
In 1930, the highest proportion of prisoners was in Canada, at 120000, just as the figures in the USA and New Zealand were the same (100000), whereas only 65000 prisoners were in Australia, and the lowerst amount was in Great Britain (30000).
By 1980, the situation had changed considerably. The proportion of prisoners in Great Britain had increased significantly, by over 80000, while in Australia had decreased by 50000. Also, figures for imprisonment in New Zealand and Canada declined slightly, at under 100000 prisoners both. The rates in the USA had showed an upward trend, reaching 135000.

Dear Simon,

At first, i would like to say that very thank indeed for you posting all good writing models
both Task1 and Task2.

Best Regards,
Jame

hi simon
Could i write "the most number of prisoners" or " the least number of prisoners" instead of " the highest number of prisoners" and "the lowest number of prisoners"?
thanks alot

Hi Simon my answer

The graph given illustrates for imprisonment in five countries among 1930 and 1980.
We can see the chart by looking, these countries following Great Britain,Australia,New zealand,United States and Canada.Between these countries the highest prison people number of approximately 130 thousands people in 1980 from United States.By looking year, we can say generally, prison people number were higher in United States than in the other countries.İn contrary to,Britain prison people number had lowest than the other countries and in 1930 this number were about 30 thousands people.But the number increased gradually and in 1980 prison people number were higher than Australia.İt number was 80 thousands people.Suprisingly, Canada prison people number were higher than other countries in 1950 just under 120 thousands people and in 1930 number 120 thousands people.As for New zealand and Australia by and large, prison people number were average remained.
İn conclusion, between these countries the highest prison people number belong to United States.

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