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Wednesday, July 07, 2010

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Hi Simon,

I try to write some words here,I am not sure whether the logical structure "topic sentence -expand - example" is reasonable.

From a social perspective,I believe,immigration also provides benefits.New immigrants always bring their own culture to the new country they lodged.It means that they are trying to introduce their customs to a different society.For example,we both know that in some Muslim countries women always cover their hair,many people,from non-Muslim countries,however,do not understand it.There is a cultural gap between them.But what will happen if a Muslim family immigrate to a non-Muslim country?They start to communicate with the local people and tend to explain their own customs.Then,the local residents begin to know why Muslim women have to cover their hair,and gradually accept it,and maybe someone really like the middle east culture,and learn them more.At the same time,the muslim family also introduce the new culture to their own country.The cultural gap between the two societies become smaller and smaller and finally melt away.This is culture integration.

Thanks!

Joshua

This looks good Joshua. I can't give you full feedback or a score (although I am offering this for £10 at the moment - July only) but you've got the right idea.

Thanks.I understand it. still I have a question here:
like the paragraph giving the economic benefits of immigration above,you have not divide the topic into several sub-topics(like Firstly,Secondly,Thirdly),but in many other paragraphs you used the sub-topic patterns.

Do they have some differences?I always write badly for the sub-topics paragraphs because for each sub-topic(mostly about 30 words one),I could not write enough expanding or examples to support the sub-topic,even worse,I could not make sure that the sub-topics precisely support the main topic.

So I think the most suitable pattern for me is this immigration topic you have wrote(83 words total),topic-expand-example.

When the question simply asked:Many people immigrated to other countries,to what extent do you agree or disagree?

A 1 Introduction
2 Main paragraph(support with economic perspective)
3Main paragraph2support with soial perspective)
4 Conclusion

or B 1 Introduction
2Main paragraph(drawbacks)
3 Main paragraph(benefits by economic and social)
4 Conclusion

Which is better?If I use A pattern,should I mention some drawbacks?

i know it's a bit more,I really hope it would not bother you too much.

Regards,

Joshua

Hi Joshua,

Your A pattern is best for an 'opinion' essay that asks you to agree or disagree. In this type of essay, you have an opinion and support it, so you don't need to mention the opposite view (e.g. the drawbacks).

Pattern B is good for 'discussion' essays where the question asks you to discuss both sides of the argument.

If you find pattern A easier, you can use it for 'discussion' essays too. It just means that you will probably only give one benefit and expand it, rather than giving several benefits that you don't have to expand on as much.

Neither type is better or worse. They are both useful in different situations.

Hope this helps

Simon

Hi Simon,

It really helps me a lot.Thanks.

Joshua

OK, no problem

Hi Simon

I bought your ebook recently but you did not email me these extra paragraphs about immigration.

Could you send them to me?
(my exam is on 25th August)

Thanks and hope you enjoy your holiday.

Hi simon, I have a question. Is that good to use some templates for task 2 available on the internet. For example, I just found this one in one website, is it good ?
FOR & AGAINST
"… is an issue which frequently generates a great deal of heated debate, with supporters remaining that it is vital to …, whilst opponents claim that …. The arguments surrounding such issue will hence be discussed in this essay.
Upon initial examinations, it cannot be denied that [Topic]. As a general rule, [General]. Taking … as an example, [Example]. As a consequence, [Closing].
However, it is not always the case. Despite the fact that …, [Topic]. Up to a point, [General]. The most obvious instance to prove is that [Example]. That is to say, [Closing].
Having considered the pros and cons of …, it can be concluded that a certain degree of … is always necessary. The course of action would be to attempt to achieve a balance between … on the one hand, and … on the other hand.
Taking everything into consideration, it can be concluded that the benefits … still far outweigh the obstacles. It is my firm conviction that [Comment]. "

Hi Simon,

In your essay, if i say "the skills that they bring" instead of " the skills they bring", would i lose mark for that?

Could you explain the rules "that"?
Here is an example, "in some country the problems (that) people face are much more serious......" Is it correct?

Thanks,

Hi Simon,

Economic perspectives is correct or Economic perspect is correct? confusing..

Thank you

hi simon! i ve written something about social benefits of immigration...can u plz comment on it?

From social perspective,Immigration also creates cultural diversity
People of many different nationalities learn to live together
This can help people to become more open-minded and tolerant. Hence cultural integration establishes in the form of cultural exchange which encompasses religion, food, what we wear, how we wear it, our language, marriage, music and a million other things
Examples of cultural integration include American restaurants such as McDonald's opening branches in foreign countries such as Japan and foreign films playing in American theaters.


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